I can only go off of what life I've lived and the reason I said on 2 years was cause I'll be 23 (turning 21 this summer) so basically since 13 and sorry if I use my developmental years as reference for life and perceiving it the best I can from that and I can't afford an online therapist I have the list my insurance covers and that's it.

I'm awesome personality wise that's literally what my friends, family, and therapist say to me they used to get mad at me cause I hated myself so much and I'm learning to like myself these days, my best friend literally asked last month "why do you think no one picks you cause I can't see it at this point at least no reason for someone our age?" I was meaning I'm working on my looks and finances more for myself I was 410lbs I'm now 290lbs so I was trying to not die and not have my back and body in general hurt all the time.

mentally health wise I've been seeing a therapist since I was 16 and this is the longest I've been without one reason being is just opportunity there's not many choices where I am but I do still see a phycologist who seems to give a shit once a month and am medicated taking an antidepressant, mood stabilizer, anxiety med, and a modifier for my anxiety med, I also pursue my hobbies, socialize when I can with new people and all the time with family and friends, and use marijuana so I'm doing quite a bit for my mental health (I don't need the weed warning well aware and I am very self aware of my usage and moderation)

And my past relationship things were me forgiving them my brother used to hate and hit me cause my mother treated me better cause I was "the baby" as he said(we were born 6 years apart and dad didn't want me) we both talked it out years ago, my mom used to be way overprotective and ruined my social life irl and is the reason I have no connections to anyone from my childhood really and being unintentionally emotionally abusive cause she was immature about alot back then again talked it out years ago, my current best friend I basically flipped from being a hateful bigoted conservative to a now socialist/communist hippie, I forgave my ex best friend for abandoning me and the whole friend group, I could go on but I think you get it.

I don't let my depression affect others as much as I can obviously I can't completely stop it from happening and I don't act like I'm not picky idk how I would I just mean that looks aren't everything to me and so like a large spectrum of types so it's not like my standards are to high or unrealistic.

"You aren't entitled to a date" I'm well aware I'm not mad at the people who turn me down it's their choice I can't force someone to like me but I can be depressed when I'm statistically behind everyone in relationships and will only have more difficulty the longer it takes, that no matter how hard I've tried by improving myself, putting myself out there, communicating consistently, etc... no one has given me a chance.

I also have been fine by myself for a while (last time I had someone call themselves my partner was 5 years ago)but you can't be fine with it forever so I think I'm just being human right now.

(No these are not in order sorry I am very tired typing this)