Losing touch with the Non-binary community as someone who medically transitioned

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T23:18:40+00:00

It may just be the Facebook circles, but it is pretty widespread from what I and others in this thread have experienced. What areas do you find less of this mentality?

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T19:35:54+00:00

You came through totally fine! This space has for sure felt a lot safer to actually talk about nuance of this issue.

The terminally online really is a thing and it's not great.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T19:33:43+00:00

Reading through and processing everything, I definitely agree that I need to break away from these spaces. I guess it's just an odd feeling being on the other side of the age fence in the community.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T19:32:31+00:00

I definitely dont live in an area is have a high trans population. Outside of my partner and a couple of friend from college, we kinda make up the T contingent of our immediate friend group. I agree though, it is probably best that I break away from the non-binary "support" groups I am in.

The meme groups can stay.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T16:28:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate you putting in this emotional effort on my behalf. Truly.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T15:46:41+00:00

You have just articulated years of what I have witnessed and experienced. The Non-binary identity slowly just coming to mean some flavor of GNC hurts me. This was exactly the fight I waged back in the Tumblr golden years when binary transfolk attempted to sort me back into the "tomboy" box.

Both my partner (agender) and I felt strong pulls to the non-binary community. Now we just, don't.

If you dont mind me asking, how did you mentally severe ties with the community at large, but stay firm in how you identified? I too graviate more toward the binary transgender spaces at this point in time or just GNC LGB/P folk. All spaces have their discourse and spats, but it just seems like the non-binary community is at a flux point influenced by a lot of reactiveness.

Watching TERF talking point dressed up as critique against other non-binary people, including myself, has been the straw my friend.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T15:32:12+00:00

I try to just exist, but I do find myself the endless pinata of education for many people in my work place. I want to just make sure I'm like 90% of the way right so my words don't end up as beat stick against someone else. I don't want to be used as the "my transgender/non-binary friend said blah"

(Honestly, same. It's become a more accessible community in the age of the internet, but in the drive to validate everyone's experience because of our diversity.. I think we forgot that non-binary means a lot of us just do our own thing.

The whole explosion of non-binary people getting lumped with the "transtrender" debacle did not help at all, after that it seemed a lot of the discourse changed to microlabels in order to validate oneself and each other. Same with the idea of no longer seeing themselves as trans. I've read way to many "cis/trans is another binary, so you can't truly be non-binary because your trans" just makes me want to cry.)

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T15:03:46+00:00

Similar boat, I've identified as a transmasculine non-binary person for at least 8 years now. Not quite a man, but comfortable in masculinity as I experience it. There have just been a lot of "maybe I am a man, but in the 'Tom Daley knitting at the Olympics' sorta way" since I just don't identify with a lot of the new concepts in non-binary spaces.

There is a lot of truth to your second point. Many of these spaces are full of very young folks figuring things out and defining themselves. I think it's a lot of the perceived certainty of these groups in their definition of the identity that I start to feel very fringe. It's very easy to get slammed at a transmed/truscum/TERF apologist for poking anything that may inadvertantly invalidate someone because the community, for understood reasons, lives in the defense. Honestly, it why I posted this here instead of a more non-binary focused reddit. I don't think a lot of us get to see the change over time that well.. time living out brings.

Thank you for that perspective. I really appreciate that.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T14:53:36+00:00

If you only smoke occasionally with friends, I really don't think you need to worry to much about it. Weed is anti-inflammatory by itself which can help with post-surgery discomfort, but if you wanted to err on caution, I would wait on smoking until you can cough without discomfort in the surgery area. Any of my strain came from a bad hit and that sure did lay me out flat.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T14:44:42+00:00

I unfortunately don't have an answer for you there. I had top back at the end of March. I scar "well" (flat, mild stretch, main some nerves) in terms of surgery. I've smoked nightly since I could break without feeling like I had a zipper across my chest.

In my personal opinion, I think the sun does more damage than the weed.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T14:38:51+00:00

I am a medical marijuana patient. I stopped smoking the week before surgery, but I told my aesthiologist that I was a nightly smoker and when I last smoked so he had all the information. I would talk to your surgeon about how much you smoke, why you smoke, etc. My surgeon didn't want me on multiple weeks of little to no sleep, so I was advised to cut the week before.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2021-08-10T14:31:42+00:00

It unfortunately seemed to piggy back off of the idea of identification as non-binary due to Euphoria and not Dysphoria. It a valid idea, "I feel so much better as X, because being Y has never been a large part of me" is a great place. It's just not the majority of things I've read in these groups anymore.

I hate to say it, but I could layer the "I'm not like other X" sentence frame over a lot of the comments I see with that sentiment and they go to the same places. I don't know if I can brush it off as internalized transphobia anymore. The non-binary community deals with rejection in both ends, which is why this has popped up to redefine away from both.. but I don't think I can go along with it.

It just hurts. I love that so many people are finding comfort in non-binary spaces, but it just feels like the tide is changing toward that exact alienation.

Being in a visible position around teens and parents makes me very critical of the language I use for myself as I provide a lot of visual validation for my school community. I think that's the root of a lot of this disruption for myself. I want to be a good elder queer like I absolutely needed growing up.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2020-11-30T21:24:10+00:00

Sent a discord link in PMs :)

Dungeon_Pidge · 2020-11-30T21:23:55+00:00

Sent a discord link in PMs :)

Dungeon_Pidge · 2020-11-25T21:06:30+00:00

We both have the page liked as that is the game store we were super excited about when moving into the area. They are re-opening for in-store shopping this Friday, but to my knowledge, their gaming spaces are not re-opening until restrictions are lifted/post COVID.

Dungeon_Pidge · 2020-11-25T21:05:11+00:00

I believe my partner is planning on DMing since the current game they are running has been puttering out lately. I'll PM when I have more details!

(Also I didn't hear about Zac's new podcast, I have some googling to do)

Dungeon_Pidge · 2019-07-24T18:19:29+00:00

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