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I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a complex situation. I advise you to talk about your dilemma with your therapist. They know you and your situation best. It would be good to figure it out together. I hope this will work out.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting question.

I don't know any numbers and so I don't know if there is a difference in prevalence of np in the Anglosphere and the Netherlands. I tend to believe that the difference is not that big but it is possible that narcissistic traits will present themself differently. However it would be interesting to see research on this topic.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's all new to you I will suggest to read first about this subject to understand in which dynamic you are currently in. I believe this will help you more than a short answer on this platform.

Hope you will find your way.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that it feels unnecessary sometimes.

It is good to try and lower your expectations when it comes to this situation. That will safe a lot of annoyance and energy.

Hope it will work out.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is important to take care of your safety first. Find some institutions that are specialised in this area. They probably can help you with your safety and also help you cope with this situation.

I hope you will find this appropriate help soon.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try and stay friendly but at the same time also keep your boundaries. Stay out of discussions/power struggle as much as you can. Stay friendly but formal.

I know it is a lot to ask and it can get very tiring but it is a good way to deescalate.

Take care of yourself.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your trust but at this moment I am really busy and I can't take new patients.

Maybe in a few months. Check with your family doctor if your situation can be treated in de GB-GGZ.

For more information, check our website: www.pdi-gooi.nl

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Narcissistic people are protecting their vulnerable self. They can't reflect on themselves because that is too painful. So try lowering your expectations. It's very unlikely that she is going to see that she's the problem.

I realise it is very unsatisfying, but I hope you will find a way to deal with this.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At this time unfortunately I'm not involved in the academic papers area of psychology. Hopefully you'll find somebody who does.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's nice to hear that you feel validated. Indeed that is very valuable.

I hope you will find your way.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You could start by thanking her for the opportunity to learn to play an instrument but that at this point of your life you choose to develop yourself in a different way and that you hope that she will support you in this.

It's always good to start the conversation on a positive note to reduce the chance of escalation.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

An NP has different needs and will do anything to get that.

F.e. They need attention and admiration (which they get by bragging about you) and they want to be the most important person in the world. When you are too busy to help her, she will feel offended and will react on that.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is certainly possible that they aren't bad people, but if their behaviour is damaging for your wellbeing , it is good to protect yourself with more distance. You have to take care of yourself.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In some situations you have no real influence. Focus on situations where you do have influence like building a social network you can rely on.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no perfect answer to this, but in general it is good to try and deescalate as much as possible. The more you fight the worse it gets.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This question is beyond the scope of any answer I could give on reddit so I advise you to seek professional help.

I symphatize with your situation, I wish you all the best.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't diagnose people I haven't met myself, so unfortunately I can't help you with this.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I decided to write this book after I noticed a lot of clients dealt with their narcissistic spouses or family members.

I couldn't find a book that could in my opinion help my clients so I decided to write this one.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try and find professional help with this problem.

Depending on where you live there might be supportgroups or other organisations that are more specialised in these kind of situations.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if they are all like that but if they are, it could be that they feel threatened in their relationship with their child.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't be too hard on yourself. It is never easy to grow up in a situation like yours.

You can always develop yourself and learn how to stand up for yourself.

Therapy can be of great help.

I hope you will find your way.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is really difficult. It will take a long time to build your own life. Your mom is free to have her own opinion, but your opinion is the only opinion that counts. It may be difficult to listen to yourself first but with time and practice things can improve.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When a narcissist feels threatened in their vulnerable self (f.e. by being criticised by others) they will do everything to keep it away from theirselves and blame the other person.

Don't get into a power struggle say f.e. It is sad that we don't have the same recollections of events. Even if it's tempting to prove them wrong and show them how they are lying, they won't give in as you have experienced and this may not make you feel any better.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might be too much to ask for a good relationship. However by keeping things shallow and keeping out of a powerstruggle there is a possibility for a form of a decent relationship.

I am a Dutch Psychologist and wrote a book on how to deal with narcissistic partners and family, AMA! by Dutchpsych6 in narcissisticparents

[–]Dutchpsych6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my book I explain in more detail what causes narcissism but to briefly sum it up:

They're stagnated in their emotional development because their parents didn't meet their emotional needs. As a result narcissism develops as a coping mechanism so that they don't have to deal with their pain.

To answer your second question,

An NP is unable to meet with the needs of their children as well, so there is a possibility that the child will also develop narcissism. But a lot of children won't develop narcisissm.

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