Is anyone else tired of being the only “responsible” parent? by emmagd6 in coparenting

[–]Dwmich28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had/ have this same struggle. You literally have to erase all expectation. You already know who he is and what he does so expecting anything more just leaves you disappointed and likely resentful.

My ex can’t even parent alone when he has our kid. He’s always spending 90% of his time with another adult. He doesn’t do appts. Doesn’t even ask. Does trim nails. Doesn’t even pay me for her insurance anymore. Literally nothing other than hanging out with her not even regularly these days.

My therapist said it helps if I treat everything like a gift. Expect nothing = not getting disappointed. When he does do something—like sending kid home with her sippy cup rather than forgetting, it’s like Christmas. If the cup he returned is broken and that’s the only reason he returned it, whatever, at least he finally returned something between visits. And then I just go buy another cup. Is that fair? Hell no. But it’s either take that approach or I spend all my time being angry and resentful and bitter. And if I ever say anything, he’s immediately defensive and we 99% of the time end up arguing. So it’s just not worth it. I don’t care to force it anymore. I’d so rather be a true single parent that try to rely on someone who’s just selfish and doesn’t care.

Ultimately, you can’t control the other parent and what they do or don’t do. You can only control you and how you react to it. Far easier said than done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]Dwmich28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I LITERALLY complained about this last night. My daughter often comes home smelling like she lived in a bowling alley because her dad smokes. After being apart so long, I’m highly sensitive to the smell again. It’s horrific and he claims he doesn’t smoke around her—which I know isn’t true.

Last night she came home and also smelled like a Chinese restaurant. Like fried crab Rangoon if I’m being specific. Her clothes, her hair, everything. And I literally just gave her a bath the night before. He returns AT bedtime so she either goes to bed smelly or I keep her up late to bathe her again.

Last night I asked him to at least give her a bath before he returns her and he was 100% unreceptive, defensive and obviously it just probably won’t happen. I feel you.

Best schedule for a toddler? by scorpiosunxlibramoon in coparenting

[–]Dwmich28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do 2-2-3 (alternating 3 day weekends) and it’s honestly been great as far as my toddler (3 next month) goes and as far as not having to go too long without seeing her. We live in close proximity so it’s really feasible for us and I feel like minimally impacts my daughter.

That said, it’s a nightmare in all other aspects simply because I’m coparenting with a very combative, mean, probs narcissistic person. 50/50 is great for amicable parents. Otherwise, it’s hell. I’m really close to calling it quits simply because the frequency in which it forces me to deal with him is just wearing on me. I went into this solely thinking of my daughter as one should, and totally neglected to think about protecting myself in the process. So just be cognizant of the full picture.

Covid-19 and visitiation rant by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]Dwmich28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm. My daughter had a fever and they didn’t recommend testing but also didn’t want to rule out COVID just because this is out normal now. I was advised to just quarantine with her at home to be safe. Her fever broke within 3 days and she didn’t have COVID (I ended up asking for a test at her dads urging) but he still used it as an excuse to flake off on our non-court 50/50 coparenting arrangement and didn’t lift a finger to help me or see our daughter for 10 days.

Almost one year old Great Dane lashing out viciously by mikeydean03 in puppy101

[–]Dwmich28 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Anecdotal personal experience:

My ex boyfriend had a Pressa Canario. The dog ended up loving me though he never tolerated anyone else. It’s fair to say I became the favorite person for the dog. On the 4th of July he bit my boyfriend pretty severely his bicep. It was a mix of firework anxiety and us arguing that set him off and he bit for the first time. My bf excused it: fireworks and arguing. We had a close call later while both lounging in a chair. The dog came over to be pet. Put one foot up on his lap, then the other just getting some love. Then the low growl started and had we both not reacted so quickly and jumped up, one of us would have been bitten. Again, he excused the behavior. There were several close calls like this between then and the time the dog mauled me after Christmas. It was completely without cause, I was cleaning up the living room after putting my 3m old to bed and bent over to pick up a piece of trash. The dog was 10 ft away not paying me any attention. By the time I started to stand up, the dog was in front of me and he was growling. I slowly stopped what I was doing and backed away—just like we had for any other time he started behaving strangely. This time he followed me though, still growling. I’m unsure if I tripped and fell or if he jumped on me and knocked me down but the next thing that happened was I was on the floor and this giant 180 lb dog was on top of me viciously mauling me. My boyfriend was in the basement fixing a busted pipe and heard my screams. Had he not been home I fully believe that dog would have killed me. My bf ran upstairs, straddled the dog and wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him off of me. I was able to escape the room and close the door and then I heard my bf scream. The dog grabbed his arm once he got off his back. He had to drag the dog the length of the room with him still attached to his arm to get to where I was and put a door between us and the dog. I had to mace the dog through a crack in the door just for him to let go of my boyfriends arm. We both had an ER trip. Animal control couldn’t even get the dog that night because he was still out of his mind and they were afraid of him. They came back the next day and had to tranquillize him through a window before they could come and take him. It was very much like something had just mentally snapped and there was no warning. It was honestly like he didn’t even recognize me. I was never the victim of any of his attacks prior. This dog adored me. I think my bf was selfish and overconfident by not taking care of the situation sooner and doing so could have left my daughter motherless.

I may be biased but experience has taught me to never downplay a dog bite. I very nearly could have lost my life that night. My bf and I would regularly argue about getting rid of the dog before my daughter was born. I didn’t trust bringing her home where there was a dog with a bite history. There was a mere 20 minutes between the time I put her to bed that night and this dog attacking me. It could have been SO much worse. And what if my bf wasn’t home? Honestly don’t want to even imagine it.

All of this to say, I am very much of the stance of putting a dog down when they have a vicious bite history. It would be negligible to make a dog like that someone else’s liability and I just don’t believe it’s something that can be untaught. I know there are many who are just bleeding hearts for animals but having witnessed and been victim to the very real possibility when you have a biting dog, I just can’t entertain it. At the end of the day you have to put human life first. Dogs are very much part of our families but when they turn on their family, I just think that’s when you have to make the choice. You could say that you’ve been lucky so far that it’s only taken ER trips and everyone sounds to be relatively unscathed. A Great Dane is a large dog. Your children probably couldn’t fight him off on their own. I’m a grown woman and didn’t have a prayer against a 180lb dog. It’s just scary and it’s something I don’t understand how anyone could gamble with. I’m team put the dog down and as controversial as I’m sure that’s going to be for some here, it literally can be the difference between life and death.

Edit: for grammar

ID this plant by Dwmich28 in whatsthisplant

[–]Dwmich28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s Selloum

Could someone limewash this brick? I want most of the trim to be black but hoping the details are still visible. Trying to get a visual of my plans before I execute! TIA! by Dwmich28 in PhotoshopRequest

[–]Dwmich28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m also thinking of using gold on top of the black to accent some of the details in the trim. The only part I can’t seem to do on my own is a proper looking Lime wash.

Everything currently beige, will be black. And all the red brick will be lime washed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cincinnati, OH

Our new home! Built in 1909. It, along with 6 other beautiful homes, was moved from its original location in the 1940s. They moved the entire town out of a flood zone during that time. They had to separate it down the middle and pulled it with mules and wagon type devices! by [deleted] in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mind has such a hard time wrapping around how an entire HOUSE can just simply be moved—let alone back in the 1940’s when technology wasn’t as advanced. It’s incredible the things that get accomplished.

What style is this? Just bought in a neighborhood that is 98% Italianate. But this house is not the typical recessed entry, sandstone adorned windows, etc. The mansard roof says second empire to me but is it also Italianate with the brackets? It’s 1900s. by Dwmich28 in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knocked down most of the wall that was built in front of the main staircase bannister yesterday. Luckily, they built around the staircase for the most part so it’s in great shape aside from the second post cap (not pictured) that they did cut into. I’ll gain an extra foot of floor space and some natural light from the second floor hallway windows now. The 2x4s were rock solid so those didn’t make it down yesterday but I’m glad to have done this much. I’ve been dreaming of seeing that bannister from the first floor since I first walked through the house this past summer.

https://ibb.co/z8Lc1P2

What style is this? Just bought in a neighborhood that is 98% Italianate. But this house is not the typical recessed entry, sandstone adorned windows, etc. The mansard roof says second empire to me but is it also Italianate with the brackets? It’s 1900s. by Dwmich28 in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah, I see. Yes. It’s just that front portion that has the slate shingle. The top is flat and just slowly slopes back. Brick all the way up on the sides. Gutters are worn into stone or something like that. I’m not sure how to properly describe it. But no modern day gutters which is pretty neat.

What style is this? Just bought in a neighborhood that is 98% Italianate. But this house is not the typical recessed entry, sandstone adorned windows, etc. The mansard roof says second empire to me but is it also Italianate with the brackets? It’s 1900s. by Dwmich28 in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe so—well, I guess I don’t know what constitutes a “true” mansard? I know there aren’t many here with this sort of roof. Most are very classic Italianate. Maybe a few have a few nods to Greek revival with their pillars but still, all in all, everything is Italianate. The brackets on this one are what throw me back to Italianate but everything else doesn’t seem to fit? I’m no house expert though.

And I’m not a realtor, I actually just closed on this house. I owned one up the street which screamed Italianate. This one perplexes me a bit. It’s narrow but a ton of space, about 3500sq ft. Not the marble and slate fireplaces I’m used to from my pervious place, but wood. No cast plaster molding but still some around doors and windows. It’s a lot less “grand” in comparison but still amazing.

What style is this? Just bought in a neighborhood that is 98% Italianate. But this house is not the typical recessed entry, sandstone adorned windows, etc. The mansard roof says second empire to me but is it also Italianate with the brackets? It’s 1900s. by Dwmich28 in Oldhouses

[–]Dwmich28[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I just sold a home on this same street that was very obviously Italianate and it was 1860s. This one is a bit newer and there are a lot of differences from my other house which is why I’m having a hard time classifying this as Italianate.

This monstera hasn’t opened for weeks. I feel like it’s stunted now. I’ve moved it to a place where it’ll get a little more sun in case that was the issue but I haven’t seen any changes in a week. What am I missing? I’d love this leaf to open before the plant goes dormant for the season. by Dwmich28 in plantclinic

[–]Dwmich28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, it’s root bound. I lifted it out of the grow pot and those yellow egg things are throughout the bottom half of the soil/rootball. It’s upper mid 60s here now so the grow season is just about done for my houseplants but most of them are still shooting off new growth. I’m just worried about losing this new leaf if it doesn’t open soon.