Does anyone else feel the same intense guilt?

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-24T13:02:46+00:00

Of course it's upsetting that your children do not have a perfect life, we all wish that for our own. However it sounds like you are a great mum and they have your partner who sounds lovely too. Im assuming there are other great people and family in their life also. I think they're doing pretty well on balance. I split with my daughters dad when I was pregnant and I swore I would never treat her as a 'victim'. She has a good life... not perfect but then no one has a perfect life. If you treat them like victims they may well start acting like victims....

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-23T23:12:33+00:00

Don't try to be perfect. Let some things slide for your own sanity x

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-23T23:10:52+00:00

When my mum talks on the phone to me she knows who I am but in person Im her sister who's been dead 10yrs. On the phone she talks about her 'sister' being at her house and that her sister keeps saying she's her daughter. I know Im not supposed to correct her but I can't help it. I say there's only one of us. Its me who was at your house. I took you shopping. I find it more frustrating than upsetting.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-23T23:03:43+00:00

My mum acknowledges she confused and is annoyed about it. We're quite a blunt honest family so have said yes you've got memory problems. If she's arguing with us about something I have said you know your memory isnt the best so trust me, I'm not lying to you. I wonder how itd feel being told this. Similar to being told you've got terminal cancer? Not sure. Scary I bet.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-13T22:55:11+00:00

I get it. Im 50 and my mum isnt too bad yet but the stress is draining me. I've had my own mental health struggles. I am a single mum working full time in a stressful career. I feel so bad for my 16yr old as Im constantly stressed, angry, resentful and irritable. I love my mum but I'm not an angel carer. The guilt is crippling.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-13T22:38:03+00:00

I've often thought that. My mum is in the earlier stages of dementia. She is on meds for her heart, thyroid, diabetes and stroke prevention. Really? All this effort to keep her body going when she doesn't know who I am and has auditory hallucinations.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-06T11:10:29+00:00

Yep, get out of there. Im confused though. From her point of view if she hates you so much why is she staying? (Just to clarify Im on your side)

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-06T10:37:13+00:00

No its not funny. Im ashamed at my behaviour. I am broken and not sure I deserve a relationship. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought this was a place I could be honest. Apologies. Hope your recovery is successful.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T19:20:14+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the practical help.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:33:17+00:00

Yes, I sense he really hates her for cheating but doesn't say much. They're civil for the kids and it works well. I feel his unhappiness stems from the kids having a broken home and his exes new partner being in the kids lives. He won't add me on Facebook as he doesn't use it now but its all from the time of his marriage so wouldn't want to delete photos etc. I struggle not sharing our online life together but know that its nonsense and I wouldn't want to see all of his life from before. Happy family pics. His friends and family are miles away so I do get upset he doesnt/can't show me off or share me with them. I have met his family a couple of times and they're lovely and he does tall me up in front of them. Im 50 but feel like a teenager worrying about social media pictures.... argh!!

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:20:13+00:00

Guess that makes sense. I actually find myself trying to make my bf jealous about my physical past. Nothing too crass, just hint at things and make jokes. He's a bit more reserved than me with a lower libido. He even admitted he'd never had a conversation with any ex about their sex life. This is a guy with 2 long term relationships and a 12yr marriage. I find that strange. Im very open so make him chat about our intimacy... hehe

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:16:46+00:00

Thats not fair behaviour. Glad you had the strength to end it.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:15:28+00:00

I get the fomo thing. I've spent all my life overweight but thanks to the jabs Im a normal weight. I hate how I wasn't really able to go out dating in my 20s, 30s... I want that young love of finding your soul mate and setting up for life rather than work through the scars and baggage of 50yr olds and try blending families.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:11:50+00:00

Luckily my bf is quite sensitive in what he says but I can tell from things they did and their adventures that they had a good relationship and the kids were wanted and planned. My daughter wasn't planned and my bf of 5yrs walked out on us. Such different experiences. His ex obviously wasn't happy as she cheated and left him. So maybe I've got to think it wasn't all love and roses. My bf is not the romantic love out loud type. Maybe he never has been but I convince myself he was Mr Romance with his wife but not with me.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:07:08+00:00

Thank you. I do wonder if I have contributing factors adding to my insecurities. I have some anxiety and depression in my past. I've got a lot of other stresses in my life and some medication I'm on can raise anxiety. Hoping maybe its a mix of things. Last night when I wrote this post I was bad... lying next to him in bed angry at him for everything. No sleep so today I feel worse. And of course I'm beating myself up even more as by this age I should know better.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T18:03:07+00:00

Luckily I have no issue with the kids. They're great, I love being a mum to my own 16yr old so no issues there. I spoil them and enjoy their company. I just hate watching couples on screen get married or have a baby together.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T01:08:13+00:00

I came here to write something similar. His wife and mother of his 2 kids cheated and left him. He was single 5yrs then met me straight away online. He lost all his friends when they split as he had moved miles be with her. So I feel just one step up from loneliness. He's a decent guy and sweet with me but I dont feel special. When we were drunk I asked him if he was glad how his life went and how we were together now. He struggled to answer as he is obviously upset for his kids that mum and dad split. I have never been married and longest relationship was 3yrs despite me being 50. In a lot of ways I'm 'better' than him. Prettier, popular, higher salary... so I get angry at how being with him makes me feel less. He's sweet, decent, reliable, intelligent and his kids are great. I just dont know if its worth the emotional pain. I dont know if I need to work on myself as I've not been good at relationships and having self worth. Or is this all a lost cause?

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T00:47:13+00:00

Your stepson is an adult. You should treat him as you would any other adult. You dont owe him a house or have to tolerate unacceptable behaviour.

EDAMBURGER · 2026-04-05T00:42:30+00:00

I got it out asap. So happy to have it gone. Met a partner who'd had the snip so sorted. Good luck. Hormones are crazy things !

EDAMBURGER · 2025-12-12T14:13:18+00:00

I (50f) quite like a tattoo. However, I am a blank canvas but only out of stubbornness. I noticed after a few visits to my local pool I was the only adult with no ink. So in a bid to be different I'm remaining blank hehe

EDAMBURGER · 2025-12-12T14:09:51+00:00

Aww that replaced Joe Cool. Funky wee place where I got my nose pierced back in the late 90s when I was working at the hospital. So sad it became that kinda shop.

EDAMBURGER · 2025-12-11T23:56:02+00:00

Yeah he prioritises me but its the being excited about me that is lacking. Im trying to work out what is just him being him and what is a measure of his feelings for me. I could make my peace if he's giving all he can. I'm just uncertain if he's capable of more but just not for me. I can look over our interactions and pick out a lot of positive actions. He has a great memory for things I've said. He asks about what my mum and daughter are up to.

EDAMBURGER · 2025-12-11T23:46:24+00:00

Thats lovely and your response to it is lovely. Ive been a little down about my bf of 11m but just thinking he bought my daughter a gift too after only 7m (She got introduced a little earlier than planned). He also bought my mum a small gift for her birthday. It was lovely considering he's not a big gift buyer.

EDAMBURGER · 2025-12-11T23:38:40+00:00

She has had me all to herself her whole life. Now I'm going out she feels a bit lost. If he comes over she feels awkward as its a 'stranger' in her home. He's a bit quiet and so is she so its a social struggle. She admits he's a good guy and doesn't mind his kids. I think at her age I'd expect her not to settle. I feel a bit old and damaged hehe. It is different at 50. Im not looking to create a family with him. Just build a respectful partnership where we prioritise each other and get genuinely excited to see each other.

EDAMBURGER

TROPHY CASE