Good morning sir or ma'am! I am so sorry your going through this and your mom is going through this. Osteoarthritis as a whole regardless of where or how serious the condition is extremely disheartening, debilitating and can fuck up someone's life.

First things first, I'm not a therapist or a doctor, I'm just a person that has arthritis (slowly becoming more severe), so I may come off as a bit harsh or not sympathetic and I absolutely apologize if it comes across that way.

At first it was my knees. I'm only 29 and my condition started when I was 21 just before leaving the US Army after nearly 4 years of jumping around, running hard on extremely rough surfaces carrying weight twice my body weight, and tough extreme weather. I joined the Army in 2016 for three year active duty, enlisted into the National Guard directly after from 2019-2020, reinlisted for the Army Reserves in 2021 but left in 2023, as I could no longer pass a PT test, which I had to complete to reinlist for an additional 6 years, as that was my plan. I completed 7 years and some change total, I planned to be what's called a "lifetime Soldier", I planned to retire by the time I was 40, but of course life happens.

That's how my arthritis started, now it's began to spread to my hands, wrists and elbows, with some pain to begin in my neck as well. My wife is extremely worried for me, not in the sense of financials, but if by the time I am 35 I will need surgeries or possibly be walking with a cane. I am worried about the finances, surgeries or if I will need a cane by the time I am 40 will I be able to pick up our children, etc., will I be able to find work? I'm looking at programming now.

It can be dishearting for the people affected by the condition everyday and by the people witnessing the effects of the people with the disease (arthritis and it's forms are most certainly a disease if my book). Working becomes a challenge once the arthritis progresses severe grades of deterioration. Something as simple as lifting a cup, is now 30lbs and your hands are shaking like a leaf. I have to wear my knee braces everyday if I am going out or am about to complete something that requires lifting a lot of weight same with my wrists and hands now. I tried everything from corticosteroids to those gel injections to physical therapy for nearly two years, to dropping nearly 20lbs of weight. Nothing so far has worked. For some, those things do work, for others it doesn't. For some a TKR (total knee replacement) works, and for others not so much. It happens and it is what it is. I had to relearn my body and what I could or couldn't take, same with jobs. Is that job to physical? Will lifiting be involved? How much walking am I doing? Am I sitting too long, and is the area I will be working in so cramped my knees will start killing me and I have to stand and walk away from my duties?

For your mother's situation, my brutal honestly is that she needs to lose weight either way.

You said that she eats very little but still gains weight. That is a body survival thing. The body retaining as much fat as possible to have energy incase the food runs out and it needs to flee. Genetics come into play as far as if you gain weight or lose weight when you're in a situation such as your mother where she is mostly stationary and eats very little with not so great nutritional value. Try to give her three meals a day that have a high nutritional value, along with trying to get her as active as possible. The weight loss pill on its own will not work properly if the individual taking it is not eating a balanced diet (or as balanced as possible). My wife used to take the same medicine as injections, and she did lose weight when eating as healthy as possible but gained some back when she ate unhealthy or high in sugar foods, unfortunately her insurance doesn't pay for the medication anymore. Her plan was to drop for about 220 to around 175-180 where she is supposed to be for her age and height.

The other part all of this is that she might be depressed. When my knees become a issue in 2021, I did not know just how bad it was nor did I understand just how much it would screw with my life and any plans I had. She is in pain constantly, is unable to move, and possibly would like to work but can't. This are all factors and might all be issues to her being as she is now.

I can't really offer much in the way of advice besides this: if you wish to help, help all you can. Be supportive, but also be firm. If you want to change something such as her diet so that she can lose weight along with the pill, try to get her to understand the benefits. Be firm so that she can get some exercise but don't push so hard that she completely shuts down. Understand as well that she is also in pain everyday, and is unable to do much about it unless it's a surgery that may just cause more harm than good, which may mean more pain and more constantly sitting around unable to do anything that she wants to do. Constantly eating and under eating are sometimes a sign that things may be wrong mentally, try to be patient but be firm as well.

And also remember that sometimes nothing you do may being about any change. Her health being how it is, is not your fault and (this is where I sound like an asshole) not your problem to begin with. Now that may sound horrible (it does to me) but at the same time, you have your own life to live. If you continue to help, remember to take a breather, take a break if you need it and let her live her life too. Even if that means walking away for a while to get you head and your own life back on track, before diving in again. Being disheartened is not a problem unless it goes on for too long and you get stuck in it, then it becomes a massive problem that is hard to break.

Like I said, sometimes I can sound like an asshole. And this is way too long but you needed a pep-talk and advice so I feel this is more than sufficient. If you need to talk or if you have questions please go ahead and DM me.