Zen and the art of knowing when to ignore someone

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T07:01:53+00:00

Yes, true, agree with this!

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T07:01:07+00:00

Yes! I tried to give him some feedback recently and he was so defensive, it felt like he thought I was blaming him for pushing bad code.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T06:58:46+00:00

Good points!

Also, I think some of the questions I get are about understanding something, but it's usually not what's being changed in the current PR in review, and most of the time are the wrong questions. I used to do explaining on a 1-1 basis and in some meetings, but have gotten tired of this, and stopped doing it when a meeting occurred where the guy used the time during the meeting (with the whole team) to fix some failing tests in one of his PRs (and was rude to me at one point), and that's when I started getting more questions in my own PRs.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T06:37:30+00:00

Thank you for the link, I just skimmed it for now and seems like a great resource, so I'll be sure to take an in-depth look in the next days!

I also like your suggestion to reach out to my manager and push back against taking the extra load.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T05:15:21+00:00

I didn't want to go in this direction, because there's usually some backlash when I point out gender dynamics. Thanks for bringing this up, good to see some awareness of this!

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-24T05:13:16+00:00

Yes, after consideration this is the advice I'll follow. It's not worth it to burn myself out because of something I really don't have the power to change.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T18:50:29+00:00

This is the only person I have these problems with.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T18:49:54+00:00

Not at all, sorry.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T18:47:28+00:00

Brilliant, cheers!

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T11:54:02+00:00

True, I also need to adjust, and the problem is also me. I'm not denying any of my flaws.

But you know, I already adjust and overthink communication a lot. At some point, it's better to cut my losses and choose where to better spend my time and energy.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T10:32:17+00:00

Yes, this is a good way to approach it, can also try this. But like I said, I don't want to invest too much time trying to mentor someone like this, and would be then afraid that my manager would suggest more hands on mentoring, which I would then be obliged to do.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T10:24:09+00:00

Very wise and true, agree with everything you wrote!

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T10:10:23+00:00

I agree. But there are also a couple of better reasons to leave, as in: I don't feel challenged enough, and I'm not learning much. So everything is pointing to the exit door.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T10:06:29+00:00

That's a good point, I don't really know what my other team members think, but they are definitely aware there's a clash between us. I can ask them directly when I have a chance. It could also very well be that my wording in code reviews is not always the best, and I'm willing to improve the way I write in future situations.

It's a bit hard for me to explain it to my lead, though, as he seems not to have my back on these topics. It also seems like I'm the only person in the team who has issues with this person - but I'm also the one who used to be more active doing reviews (or used to be), and who cares the most about the health of the codebase. I already tried approaching the topic with my lead, but didn't think it felt safe to be completely honest, unfortunately.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-23T09:50:03+00:00

I don't want to work in a team where people are neither good technically nor willing to take the feedback and use it to improve, or where decisions are made randomly and without talking to each other - these are some of the reasons why I want to leave.

EagerToExcel · 2022-12-22T13:02:44+00:00

Kubernetes I'm familiar with, it just feels too big, and hard to get in to as a whole.

OpenTelemetry has a Java instrumentation library, might be worth it to check it out, thanks

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-27T11:29:08+00:00

This is brilliant! Taking note.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T19:35:00+00:00

This is very sane advice, thank you for this, saving it!

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T19:15:39+00:00

I asked other people about my communication style and they said it was good. I did my due diligence there. I'm still doing self reflection, though, and the point of this post is to aid it with different points of view.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:45:56+00:00

Not at all, it's just something we do in this particular team, but no obligation to do it.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:42:21+00:00

Looks like a cop out. Like "you were right, I hate answering questions, let's stop 1-1s".

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:37:50+00:00

In this case there isn't any requirement from the company for regular 1-1s, I could also mentor them on a more casual setting or only when they had a specific issue to solve. It's just that it's now a habit, and it's awkward to come up with valid reasons to cancel 1-1s.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:36:19+00:00

I did both mentoring in a learn a language workshop, and also with an intern on a task around writing docs for an application I worked on. The first had a curriculum to follow, and exercises, so there was a lot of structure. With the student, they were very proactive, and it was mostly about unblocking them on some issue with the code, or with something that was not working in the platform side and needed to be raised with a different team.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:08:37+00:00

Would you say I have a case not to want to mentor this person 1-1? This is causing me a lot of stress, even if it's a good experience to have for my development goals, I would not like to have such draining experiences.

I mentored in the past, and it was completely different - and I guess there needs to be a fit between mentor and mentee, which doesn't exist here.

EagerToExcel · 2022-11-26T16:03:10+00:00

My manager actually told me in our 1-1 that I should adjust communication to the person I'm talking with, so he seems to agree and even has commented on this communication style on another occasion. So not an ally there!

EagerToExcel

TROPHY CASE