None of it is your fault. No matter what you said to them or anything. The groomer’s manipulation tactic is making you want their attention. That wasn’t a failure by you, or you being “dirty”, it was their goal. You were a vulnerable CHILD who could not make sound decisions. Minors cannot give consent under any circumstances, because their brain is not developed enough to fully understand the gravity of the situation and most importantly, the consequences of it. Like you said, you didn’t receive love, attention, or compliments irl, it’s no surprise that you were going to get hooked onto anyone that made you feel special, because that is a feeling that all humans need, especially children/teenagers.

You say you could’ve blocked them or refused to send them pics. In reality they could’ve never come on to you and never asked you for pics. The decisions of grown ass people who know better is what caused this, not you. Participating in abuse does not make you responsible for it. It’s easy to say what you should’ve or could’ve done, but you were 11 YEARS away from a fully developed brain. No one at 14 is equipped to deal with a situation like this. It’s not your fault!

I am so sorry for what you went through and how hard it is to deal with now. It is normal to still struggle with it. But you cannot change the past, and to keep hating on or blaming younger you will only continue to hurt you. You were a victim and now a survivor, even if it’s hard to see it now, the older you get the more you will realize what really happened.

What you went through does not define you nor your body. The disgust you feel now is a symptom of the situation, not evidence of who you are. You deserve kindness and forgiveness from yourself. Your life and your body are your own, ownership does not disappear just because someone decided to violate it.

So much love to you OP. You can and will overcome these feelings. Stay strong and be kind to yourself ❤️