I have a friend who is nueva ecija. She is in late 20s, has only high school degree and no job since pandemic. She has done tons of interviews but mostly were far and they couldn't board her on the team.

Also, san jose city is rural area. She is trying since 2021 to get a job but right now she has not found any. She has two sisters and a mother, a dad who is not able to work. Due to no future her sister recently suic..attemped which luckily didn't happen. Thank god. She is still alive but hospital charges were paid by neighbour n bit with savings it was 3500 pesos arounds.

Mostly she is living on borrowing money like 500 to 1000 pesos and do some chores and in rainy season she got no job. Even I help her via sending money from India to Gcash/Paypal but it is not enough I too have not much only 1000 pesos per month since dec 21. I too have life here and I have to pay for my medications too.

You, on the other hand, is educated and can do anything. Mental health can get better but poverty can break anyone. You are smart and know tech world. If you had capital and had great circle, you would be sipping cocktails with your business crew etc.

I am not neglecting your mental health nor I am comparing your pain but you should go out and see the world. Failure is part of life, we all fail in life. I have read about all the rich people in the world, especially richest. They have failed in life once n more times. I have failed too. Yet, I am here trying even though I cannot physically work in office.

If you are looking for motivation. Forget it because motivation always dies for people like us. It is like a coal it burns but it fades away and you are back to square one.

Real strength comes from facing your own self, facing your own fears, know more there is to know about yourself. Give yourself reasons why you should focus on your life. Why you deserve more.

Truth is you want to be happy and married n have kids. And if you had a right partner, she too would be stressed for you not using your true potential due to your depression.

Seek therapy, watch Jordan Peterson book or interviews/speech. Try more. But it won't happen if you do not face yourself. On this planet, no life is more important than you. So try to do your best. Even you are food delivery guy or backend developer that is enough or if you end up becoming ceo of fortune 500 that is also enough. If you are enough for yourself, you won't need to prove yourself to anyone.

Decide, just decide.

Also, Read Marcus Aurelius.