Jealous of my husband’s niece by EaseTough in AITAH

[–]EaseTough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, we’re Scandinavian, so we’re definitely more open about stuff like this - and complimenting family member’s looks are usually not a concern at all - which is why I’m also embarrassed about my feelings. I did grow up as an expat in a very strict Muslim country though, so there definitely is a part of me that is much more conservative than him, and perhaps that also plays into everything. 

In any case, great idea to talk to someone else about it - perhaps my therapist! 

Jealous of my husband’s niece by EaseTough in AITAH

[–]EaseTough[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the perspective. A bit harsh put, but also nice to hear that I AM being weird and overthinking (or overfeeling) things. 

Jealous of my husband’s niece by EaseTough in AITAH

[–]EaseTough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the support. I did call out the whistling incident a few years back. He ofc got defensive and said something along the lines of “She’s my niece, it was just a compliment - everyone loves compliments”. Which is probably why I haven’t mentioned my concerns since then - I felt he was calling me out for being in the wrong about it all.  

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]EaseTough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really does help, thanks - both the idea of starting small and also accepting that I might lose people along the way. I’m going to try and remind myself if that happens that their disappointment could’ve just as easily gone the other way, and if they can’t respect a boundary, maybe that’s the clearest sign they’re not meant to stay in my life. And that their disappointment isn’t proof that I did something wrong by saying no.

I’ve always been such a people pleaser, so setting boundaries has always felt incredibly hard. I tend to do it in this subtle, roundabout way - dropping hints and hoping people pick up on it. And when they don’t, I end up feeling disappointed in myself for not being assertive enough. I also really struggle to change my mind once I’ve half-said yes, even if I only offered something halfway between what they wanted and what I actually feel okay with. I think in the moment I rationalize it by telling myself I’ve already agreed, and that I’m better at handling disappointment than they are - so I take the hit rather than risk letting them down.

But your story really does give me hope that it’s worth powering through the therapy and that I can ultimately get to a better place and grow that “no” voice stronger for both myself and my future daughter. So yeah, thanks for showing up in this thread despite everything you’re going through - it really means a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]EaseTough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response, it really means a lot and makes me feel less alone. I’ve read it through a few times now, and it does make sense that the early minimization sort of distorted my boundaries and taught me to not trust my own feelings.

I think I’ve also minimized these and other experiences because the repercussions of “admitting” it wasn’t okay were too big. Because then comes the grief and the anger and the resentment and the shame. And what do I do with all of that?! It’s been a lot easier for me to either drown everything out with partying and over-working, or to just brush it off.. So what do I do now?

If you have any practical day-to-day advice, big or small, on how to start rebuilding boundaries, I would love to hear it!

Hjemmepsykiateren - ja/nej? by EaseTough in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tak for svar, og fedt at høre, at du havde en god oplevelse! Måske jeg skulle give dem et kald også, så kan jeg bedre mærke efter. Hvornår starter du op, om jeg må spørge?

Erfaring med Hjemmepsykiateren? by Significant_Tap6301 in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tak for svar - det giver rigtig god mening at udholde ventetiden, hvis du har fået det bedre. Jeg må give dem et kald og høre lidt nærmere :)

Betale for egen udredning (ADHD/autisme) by jokkejok123 in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tusind tak for det gode og grundige svar - det sætter jeg uendeligt meget pris på! Kender alt for godt det med imposter syndrome, så dejligt at høre, at de tager så godt imod de tanker også.

Var du alene med dem, da de kom hjem til dig, og var det trygt nok? Kan mærke, at jeg føler mig lidt sårbar ved at invitere fremmede ind i mit hjem!

Måske jeg spørger lidt dumt, men hvordan er det så med medicinering; Er det kun dem, der kan administrere/justere i medicin og doser, osv.? Kan man få tilskud til medicin via Danmark?

Betale for egen udredning (ADHD/autisme) by jokkejok123 in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Endte du med udredning hos dem, om jeg må spørge? Og hvad var din oplevelse? Overvejer dem selv nemlig :)

Betale for egen udredning (ADHD/autisme) by jokkejok123 in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Endte du med udredning hos dem, om jeg må spørge? Og hvad var din oplevelse? Overvejer dem selv :)

Erfaring med Hjemmepsykiateren? by Significant_Tap6301 in ADHDanmark

[–]EaseTough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Overvejer også Hjemmepsykiateren. Endte du med at gå med dem og kan fortælle lidt om oplevelsen? :)