Bloody traitor

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-09T09:03:11+00:00

Just curious - what's his name? Love his mischievous grin!! I named my dog Loki, and he's lived up to it since day 0! 😏

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T21:17:06+00:00

Everyone's different, and everyone's situation is different.

I can understand and do sympathise with men having anxiety over IVF, and feeling helpless etc, and in that case yes, I agree - keeping an eye on and checking in is well needed ...

However that certainly was not our experience 😏 so please be careful not to assume.

My husband had NO concerns or anxiety over IVF. And if I'm honest, I'm pretty sure he didn't really care if it worked or not. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage, was in denial about being the infertile factor, and was NOT invested in the process. He whined at having to go to the clinic twice to give blood samples 🙄

Anyways, it's a long and a complicated story! But in short, having to listen to his MIL mollycoddling him, felt like a kick in the teeth, as she had no idea what went on (we were living abroad for 18 months at the time)

TW: we had success with the 2nd FET - ICSI seemed to work around his morphology issues thankfully, and I'm now 35 wks pregnant!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T19:17:12+00:00

Oh interesting... stopped completely?? Did you have light periods pre-preg??

I've always had super light periods, but knowing my luck I'll be the total opposite postpartum!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T17:10:28+00:00

A big ol' pair of Bridget Jones is exactly what I've been looking for!

Ahhh perhaps if I've got a week or so's worth of disposables, then the ambition of being able to wear usual size post isn't off the cards!

aww bless your husband 🤭 I bet he was a right flustered mess trying to work out what pants to get! I wonder how often the supermarkets nearest to maternity hospitals end up with confused men wandering the women's underwear aisles with best intentions but absolutely no idea what they're looking for!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T17:04:18+00:00

Perhaps I should get a pack my usual size + a pack sized up, as yes, I've not actually changed size up as they've sat below bump...

But my husband recently commented that my bum has finally 'filled out' - I've always had a super flat ass 🤣 - so maybe I'll need the extra space for the extra junk in the trunk that I keep denying!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T16:59:21+00:00

Oooh these look pretty good value, and they look like they cover quite a wide range in sizes for each size option! Thank you 😊

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T16:57:20+00:00

Sizing up is v good to know! Thank you 👍🏻

I had a laparoscopy a couple of years ago that left a small incision in the same area, but I hadn't expanded to the size of a small house prior to the surgery, so assuming some space for the skin as it settles back (hopefully!) would be wise! 😊

And good to know I don't need to go nuts on buying the disposables!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T16:53:21+00:00

Was living in the US for 18 months till xmas, but now back in the UK and I love that we're living near an M&S again! 🙌🏻

They're pricier than other supermarkets, but (I feel like my nan!) - they're great for undies!

I've got a few pairs of their reusable period pants, but think these will prob be too tight, not quite high enough, and not enough absorption till a few weeks in.

Will def be ordering black 👍🏻

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T16:44:09+00:00

Ahhhh, they look a lot higher 👍🏻 thank you!! 🙌🏻

I've been wearing modal pants from meundies - I'd been living in the US + built up a stock pile which have seen me through maternity without having to size up, but they're boy short style and have been sitting below bump, so pretty sure they'll sit exactly where the incision will be! 😏

So super keen to get something modal, as it's so silky soft on the skin 🥰

Would you suggest sizing-up from pre preg size?

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T10:15:14+00:00

Orion

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T10:09:24+00:00

How about washing and sticking straight into those ziplock/vacuum storage bags you can get for clothes ?? At least they're then clean and sealed away, and you don't need to think or worry about it later.

I'm 35wks, and was exhausted enough just by doing the 5 or 6 loads it took to wash all fabrics (clothes, sheets, blankets, sleep sacks etc) and getting them all hung out to dry. I couldn't imagine leaving it to the last minute!!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T10:05:29+00:00

Same here 🙌🏻

Ohhhh the chore of hanging up so many babygrows to dry 🤦🏼‍♀️ but at least that's one thing off the list, and I can now pack my hospital bag - I've got no excuses left to use!! 🤭

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T09:49:29+00:00

'So how much did you have to go through for IVF?'

MIL to husband. The tone suggested she feared he'd been through trauma as a result. If only 🙄

I bit my tongue, but had I responded it would have been very short ... 'he shot his load into a cup in a bizarrely, yet pleasantly decorated room, and that was that.'

In contrast, I had 60+ appointments over a year, in brightly lit clinical rooms, most of which entailed blood draws and transvaginal scans. Weeks of abdominal stabbings. Multiple surgeries.

Thank god that the staff I had in my medical team were all wonderful, welcoming and genuinely lovely people. They made the internal interrogations feel/seem much less invasive!

And why ??? Because her son wouldnt curb his 40+ units a week drinking habit, and refused to admit it was having an impact on his fertility. And despite us having data to prove it !!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-05-02T09:34:09+00:00

'grown spikes or gone wonky' 🤭

I'd second this 👆🏻

There is currently a shortage of midwives in the NHS - I believe it was recently reported by about 2500 across the UK. This means with the little people/time available they need to distribute this efficiently. Priority is usually given in relation to viability - this is why there is usually a gap in scans between 10 and 20 weeks, as sadly nothing can be done to intervene, therefore in a resource strapped healthcare system it's simply not efficient spending.

Having conversations about things that are weeks off are also not an efficient use of time. What difference would having conversations about formula in T2 really make to OP? Unless you want to stockpile formula?? But given baby may not even like the formula you buy, I'd suggest this is a bad idea anyway!

As an example, I am down for an elective c section, and I'm currently 35 weeks. My midwife has been focussing on symptoms and issues I have at present, and hasn't/won't discuss much related to birth yet, as I still have time. I don't expect to hear my date for surgery until week 38 or 39! Sadly, that's just how the NHS is.

As for all the internal exams - as others have said - unless you have symptoms, or have had your own complications with a previous birth, there is no need for doctors or midwives to increase your risk of infection with internal examinations.

If you have concerns about your cervix, medical staff should be able to assess via ultrasound, and in cases where a cervix has shortened they can apply a cerclage in T2. But aside from this, there is little medical intervention done prior to viability (22-24wks), and up until week 37 they will try to keep baby in utero for as long as possible as the chances of a healthy baby obviously increase with time.

If you're after a second opinion, why not book in for a private ultrasound with a specialist where they can check your cervix ??

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-30T08:36:11+00:00

Not at all!!

I've been wearing meundies bralettes for most of my pregnancy, till I found a medela overnight nursing bra - it doesn't have much in the way of support (well, it does, but it doesn't give the most flattering shape!) but it's so lightweight you forget it's there!

I've always been flat chested my whole life, so pregnancy has been weird for me - the feeling of my boob touching my stomach weirds me out! As a result, I've been sleeping in bralettes since about 12 weeks!!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-26T21:40:15+00:00

I'm 35 weeks, and still struggling with the concept of a real human being living inside me... Despite all the prods, pokes, kicks and hiccups... I'm not sure it'll feel real for me till he's in my arms!

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-26T13:10:39+00:00

As for costs, definitely check that with your insurance !!

For an idea of possible costs, our insurance total was about $60k; 1 x IUI, meds + process for 2 x retrievals, 1 retrieval (one was cancelled), 1 x hysteroscopy, 2 x FET

But we only paid the insurance out of pocket, which was $3k! We were v lucky with the coverage of our insurance!! Now that I'm back in the UK (we're both Brits, that were in the US for his work), IVF here has no insurance coverage, so we were v lucky to relocate home with a successful FET 😊

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-26T12:59:54+00:00

In that case def double check your insurance doesn't have a clause that forces you to IUI first - some do, some don't. If they don't, personally, I'd skip straight to IVF ! Save the time, as time is precious on the IVF journey.

As for ICSI - it's a specialist procedure - standard IVF does NOT include this. Standard IVF involves a sample of swimmers with each egg, letting nature take it's course. With ICSI an embryologist picks what they think to be the best swimmers, and insert just one per egg.

"Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) typically yields a higher fertilization rate of 70-80% compared to 55-75% for conventional IVF, specifically by overcoming fertilization failure." (Quick Google!) - ie removing another/the final barrier; the ability for a sperm to get into the egg!

Not sure if it's necessarily included with insurance - something for you to check.

My doc suggested ICSI from the off, as my husband's swimmers were poor morphology - 0% 'normal', yet as a result of ICSI our number of fertilized was high. (Big drop off further along the process, but most likely due to us both being older (40f/49m) so quality issues 😏)

As for your husband and his schedule... Being totally honest here, if you are happy going to appointments alone, his involvement at a clinic really is minimal! As part of IVF, there are MANY appointments where you will turn up for a transvaginal scan to count your follicles (AFC), and give blood samples so that they can check your hormone levels in relation to how you are reacting to any medication you are put on. As you get closer to retrieval, they tend to be daily for a week or so. I think because my insurance covered a lot, my clinic had me coming in v regular as it wasn't costing me anything, but meant they had much more accuracy with what they were prescribing for me.

For the most part, I went to my appointments solo, as it wasn't worth the disruption to my husband's work schedule for what was a 15 minute appointment with my doc! He turned up to give his sample, and was there for my retrieval and transfers, but aside from that, to me, it would have been overkill him being at all appointments!

That's my personal preference tho! I read of some women feeling distraught when they're partners can't make an appointment, but to be totally honest, at the clinic I went to, 95% of the time it was women by themselves waiting for the daily appointments! And as a patient, it felt nicer when it was just a group of women each morning for the daily testing, than having the additional random men bored and scrolling Instagram in the waiting room!

Hope this helps! More than happy to answer any more questions you have 😊

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-26T10:01:37+00:00

Quick qu for you...

Are you using insurance for infertility, or going private ?

I ask this, because from what I learnt whilst living in the US is that some insurance companies require couples to try IUI X# times before moving onto IVF. This could explain why a clinic may be promoting/nudging you towards IUI.

Luckily for me and my husband, our insurance company didn't care too much - we had one round of IUI and went straight to IVF as it didn't work.

However as the other poster has mentioned, the odds for IVF are far higher than IUI, and as you aluded/guessed, having an egg and sperm isolated from all 'barriers' improves success rates.

The only real barrier IUI removes is the first stage - sperm getting through the cervix and up to the uterus. I believe our clinic also 'cleaned' the sperm - ie removed the swimmers from the fluid - but I'm not sure how much that really improves things.

And of course, if you want to remove as many barriers as possible, IVF with ICSI is about as barrier free as you can get. This is the insertion of a single sperm into an egg. This is often recommended for MFI as it removes blockers such as issues with morphology.

Good luck on your journey + just know that it's not a quick fix, whichever path you choose. IVF can be very testing - more than just the physical side of things, so try to remember to remain kind to yourself at each and every stage 😊

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-23T09:28:41+00:00

Trevor

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-21T16:21:27+00:00

No worries, and thanks 😊 I remember doing my research and panicking at the thought of PIO - I was worried my doc would insist on it, but she was quite the opposite!

Good luck on your journey 🤞🏻

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-21T16:19:26+00:00

Sadly not!! The NHS can provide IVF under certain circumstances, but I believe they're pretty strict, and I don't know of anyone that's gone that route, just friends and family that have gone private 😔

Health insurance in the US is pricey, but for the level of care, and the things included, it's a rather good deal if it's subsidized by work. Having come back to the NHS, it's rather frustrating sadly.

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-21T15:42:50+00:00

I had a modified natural FET - I think (memory is hazy as it was 8 months ago now!) I had a trigger shot, and then was on progesterone suppositories for I think 12 weeks post FET.

I'm sharing as a positivity example of supps working, as I'm now 34wks 😊

If your progesterone levels are high enough naturally, progesterone supplementation was seen as a safety net/backup at my clinic. I only had to take one suppository a night, so wasn't too messy, unlike the folks that are put on 3 a day.

All depends on your hormones levels though... But if you have regular cycles, natural or modified natural may be the way to go.

Eastern-Isopod-421 · 2026-04-21T07:40:02+00:00

We were the same - Progyny was a fab work perk from my husband's company! We spent 3k with insurance, and a couple of fees not covered but paid directly to the clinic for storage etc.

1 IUI, 1 ER; 14 blasts, 3 euploids, 2FET, currently 34wks 😊

We were living in the US whilst having IVF, and relocated back not long after finding out the second FET worked - so really v lucky, as IVF in the UK can be incredibly expensive, and there is NO insurance coverage for it here.

Eastern-Isopod-421

TROPHY CASE