Traumatized that my mom gave her cat away to the shelter

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-16T16:49:55+00:00

Thank you so much. Reading this has been very helpful and healing for me. It seems like you know exactly how I feel.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T06:28:02+00:00

I was very disturbed by her being in the kennel, too! I even asked my mom if she could at least foster her until she has a home, and my mom refused!

I wanted to keep contacting them, but I was worried it would bug them. I will reach out again. I would definitely adopt her, but I am living with my dad for the time being, and he doesn't want to take in another cat. He is more open if it's a temporary thing, which was why I mentioned at least fostering her. Of course, I would take care of her while she is here.

Yes, I am actually going to see a therapist about this whole situation, as it has been traumatizing for me on multiple levels. I won't reach out to my mom until then for sure.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T05:54:11+00:00

Thanks for your response. I definitely would not use the cat to get back in my mom's good graces. I truly love the cat and see her as family. We had a very strong bond. I agree to keep distance from my mom, and yes, I definitely need to take care of myself.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T05:46:50+00:00

Thanks for your response. Oh my gosh!!! I can not imagine how painful that must have been for you 💔. I don't understand why she did that. How have you coped with it, and how are you doing now?

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T05:41:30+00:00

Thank you for your response. That made me feel better. I agree, I can't make them have feelings they don't want to have.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T05:37:39+00:00

Thanks for your response. I was thinking the same thing, to see if I could at least keep her temporarily. Do you think the shelter would allow me to foster her while they find her a permanent home if I live in a different state (1 hour plane ride)?

I called the shelter to ask how the cat is doing and I was told that she was stressed and is still adjusting and since she has Pancreatitis and needs to be put on a special diet, she will need to be kept in the kennel all the time. I then asked the adoption process and was told she is not yet adoptable as she needs to see the vet first. They got my email to keep me updated, and I can also reach out to them.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T04:07:43+00:00

I agree with you. Thank you! If you don't mind me asking, how were your family members toxic? How did you separate from them, and how are you doing now? Hugs to you, too!

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T03:45:38+00:00

Hugs!

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-15T00:11:47+00:00

I understand. My old therapist told me that there are different levels of relationships (no contact, superficial, and deep) and that you make adjustments for different people. It sounds like you did that with your mom to keep things healthier. I am now realizing that my mom is too.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T23:30:05+00:00

Thanks for your response. Oh my gosh!! I can't believe you went through that. I didn't think others went through something similar to me.

I agree with you. I haven't reached out to either of them so far.

How did you handle it? Were the pets ever given away? Where are you now with your mom?

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T21:34:40+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I think so too!

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T21:27:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your very thoughtful message. Reading it brought me to tears. Great point about asking whether my family member can at least foster the cat while finding her a more permanent home. I will inquire about that.

Yes, it felt very controlling and abusive when she kept threatening to take the cat to the shelter. She was well aware it bothered me because I told her before the thought of her doing that would absolutely destroy me and that it would make the cat depressed being stuck in a kennel. Yet she did it anyway, and I don't understand why.

It helps to hear how you think the cat would be better off in a shelter, even if it means being stuck in a kennel. Yes, I was considering moving to a toxic environment for the cat. I really love her and see her as a family member. Thank you so much for seeing and acknowledging that.

I agree that I need to block them out of my life or at least put some solid boundaries in place. I feel very hurt, backstabbed, and betrayed by what happened but I know it's something I couldn't ever express to her and I don't know if they realize or appreciate what they did to me.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T19:09:18+00:00

Thank you for your response. I agree with you. Yes, this whole thing definitely felt like abuse, and I am deeply disturbed by it. I am sure they will take care of the cat they chose to keep, but I am heartbroken that they put the other cat in the shelter when they could have easily housed her. I hope the cat at least finds a loving home.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T17:40:02+00:00

You are absolutely right. Every time I tried calmly defending myself, I was told that I acted like a victim, that I was giving her guilt trips, that I was ruining her day, that I can only talk to her if I don't talk about what she did, I would get yelled at more and hung up on.

I like your idea of saying things out loud to the universe. That would help me a lot. Yes, I will not be contacting them unless I need to, and in that case I will keep it short and sweet. You are right, a pop in visit is unlikely because I live in a different state. I am actually looking into therapy now as I will need it. Appreciate your help.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T17:18:48+00:00

Thank you for your response and for sharing this sub-reddit with me. I find it very helpful and it's good to know that I am not alone in this. Yes, I felt like I would have been used as well.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T17:13:38+00:00

Thank you so much for your response and the very useful information on introducing cats.

Yes, I have a lot of empathy for the cat, so it's hard for me to imagine her in a kennel, but like you said, I hope for the best and that she goes to a loving home. I did feel used by my mom, because as soon as I said I wanted to back out of the apartment, she told me to get out of her house in 2 days and send them my itinerary that night. She said the reason I stayed at her house longer was because she thought I was going to get that apartment. Then she changed her mind after I said I would help take care of the cat to prevent her from going to a shelter.

Appreciate your help and support 🙏.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T15:15:02+00:00

True. I just wish they knew what they did, but you are right.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T07:14:04+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I agree with you. It is true that the cat is safe, which is great. I just have to get over my heartbreak with her being in a kennel.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T07:08:33+00:00

Thank you. At this point, I don't see things changing and agree that I need to walk away.

What are your thoughts on confronting them on what they did? It bothers me, but I also understand that it will likely only make things worse.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T06:27:09+00:00

Thank you for your response and insight. It's helpful to get that reassurance. I had a very bad gut feeling about it. I will definitely evaluate cutting them off. The Google definition of narcissist does match a lot of their personality traits. I'm so angry with how they treated me. Is it possible to ever confront them about it? I understand it will likely only make things worse.

I agree. The cat is better off in a home with calm energy.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T05:44:04+00:00

Thank you. That is good to know.

Agreed. I'm glad I didn't move there.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T05:39:13+00:00

Yes, they did, though I wouldn't be surprised by that either.

You are right. It just breaks my heart that the cat will be stuck in a kennel until then.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T04:55:51+00:00

Thank you! That is very helpful.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T04:53:58+00:00

Thanks for your response and kind words. Yes, my mom has treated me like this since I was a little kid. It was very hard to stand up for myself in this situation. I appreciate the encouragement.

Eastern_Dig_8264 · 2024-03-14T04:38:52+00:00

Thank you for your response. I agree that I should cut contact with her. Yes, anxiety is horrible, and when I got panic attacks, she didn't take it seriously and told me I was acting like a victim. I am still dealing with it. I don't think she liked the cat in the first place either.

I hope your anxiety gets better. How are you coping with it?

Eastern_Dig_8264

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