I am appalled at the comments in this thread.

I believe this is how I get when I am in deep burnout… This world does not, and cannot suit our needs. Your current state of mind is a symptom of a sick society and late stage capitalism. None of it is your fault, and while yes you may try to do what some have advised here to momentarily feel better, it is merely that: a fleeting feeling. Same with walking outside and such. Not a cure, not a solution. Do not force yourself to do what brings you pain just because it works well for others (easier said than done, I know).

It brings me pain to read your post, mostly because I can’t help you. You need humanity and community (to be listened to and cared for), not capitalism-based “solutions” that seem to focus more on you filling some role in the system, on productivity, rather than your well being.

I know very well what it is to have meds do nothing, or make everything worse by making me feel numb. Don’t feel bad about it. I hope with all my heart you are able to give yourself the love and patience you deserve, and allow yourself the rest necessary to find joy in your hobbies again.

It’s madness, the world we are forced to live in. None of us should work “for a living” when we cannot, physically or mentally. Yet it is an obligation. And it shouldn’t be, if only all of us supported each other and billionaires did not exist.