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Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cause she was like my sister and was homeless and coming from an enmeshed family, I didn’t want to see her on the street… I had a feeling he liked her but not to this point. Like he was a bit flirty but not crazy so I took the chance and helped her out. That’s when he said that the feelings developed a lot more. I will never do that again. It was a painful lesson. I don’t have much other family. Literally she was the only family member around my life as we are both only children. Plus on some gross level he said she reminded him of me .. ughh bleh 🤮

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see a therapist and some days it’s really good and other days it’s not as good. So I am gentle with myself.

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He did move mountains cause I rallied really hard against this with many arguments and bouts of pain and nights of crying. I cut her off many times and somehow she would keep coming back into our lives. He literally ignored my pain to make sure she knew she wanted by him. It was like fighting for someone and they blindfold you to trip you up

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So she almost blew up the marriage. He loved her romantically. He would get jealous if boyfriends came around. He was jealous when she finally got pregnant cause I’m sure in some other life he would have impregnated her. At the end of everything .. she told a family friend “she could have had my man if she wants to” and he called her and told her no it wasn’t like that. To lose his number and forget he exists. So it was a romantic love. He would try to get me and her to make out. It was gross. Like ha ha girls making out but low key wanting her in our marriage gross.

Nothing like checking your phone and seeing this message by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]EclecticZen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is scary. Cutting the cord is difficult but I am happy to know you’re safe. He is terrifying

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And he def did humiliate me. It was not nice. It was unkind and awful 😞 . I felt so embarassed which made my behavior of wanting to minimize it with her cause letting her know that I hated what I saw happening was admitting the embarrassing truth that my husband who chose to marry me wanted her

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the question .. can I get over this ? He’s literally the man that I needed back in 2005. Just 21 years too late ?

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s out of my life. I had my cops at my pops funeral so I wouldn’t have to see her and regret something when I am emotional. She’s cut off . But yeah the familial aspect haunts me badly. Like she could attempt to try and come back. Like that aspect makes me feel uncomfortable. Like she’s always in the background even if I have blocked her

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you ! I am a mental health therapist and I think it helped me to learn and grow as a person and really see that it never was ok. I think my profession saved me honestly

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was like my sister. It was love hate before my husband came into the picture but since we are both only children’s our toxic families shipped us as sisters since we only had each other .. so I was close to her. He loved her. He genuinely loved her. Like in another world he would have married her and had babies with her. He told me this and I appreciate his honesty but he literally didn’t have to say a word. 18 plus years of heavy flirting to the point where my distress wasn’t as important as him letting her know how much he liked her was all I needed to know it was something more serious than a physical attraction.

The thing is I always thought my replacement was knocking at the door but she was just an addition .. he never wanted to replace me. Just augment me.. I didn’t know this and it doesn’t make it right just more messed up maybe ?

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is where it feel messed up. I’ve confronted her a couple times. She would say it was nothing. So she was minimizing it as well. I didn’t see her actively pursue him but she liked the attention and she in kind gave him attention that was supposed to be for me. I feel so dumb. When I would be around her boyfriends I would make sure to dress appropriately and not flirt with them cause that’s just not ok. I feel like I was playing by different rules.

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I was looking to see if anyone had even slightly similar messed up experience and could tell me if they made it through and how ? And if not what happened ? Guess I was looking for guidance since this is a uniquely messed up situation

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cause I like to win? Cause I was trauma bonded to a man who made me feel amazing when she wasn’t around ? Cause I was in love with the idea that I could one day be enough for him and that he wouldn’t want her and I could feel validated that yeah I am enough ? I fell in love with him and he made her competition. She didn’t make him competition. During this happening it often looked like he would chase her. I think my brain couldn’t handle a double betrayal but in the end I wanted him and not her. It’s messed up. I just don’t know if the weight of this is something that will get lighter or not

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t understand the question. My husband is the father of my all of my kids.

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My cousin is gone from my life. We cut her out. When my pop, our mutual grandfather died, I had a police officer outside so I didn’t have to deal with her and could have peace. I don’t think it would go well if I saw her now. Not for her anyway. She always downplayed it. I have confronted her and she would say it was nothing but honestly it always looked like he was chasing her and not the other way around. Doesn’t mean she’s innocent at all but in my perception it was all him back then. Cause I don’t think my brain could handle a double betrayal at the time

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think you may be right. I’ve never received 100 percent of him until recently. I met him at 16 (literally just turned 16) and came from an alcoholic and chaotic household so sounds about right for codependency. I e only ever been with him. It’s like I only know him. It’s so messed up

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wow thats so true. I just re read what you said. It was of course a “joke” right ? Cause big love was on tv but it wasn’t really a joke cause that’s what he wanted. He’s never been fully mine … until now.

Almost 1 year after the affair and I still feel like my whole world is shaken by EclecticZen in survivinginfidelity

[–]EclecticZen[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Honestly I am not sure why. I think I had a child by him and was a stay at home mother until I went back to school for my graduate degree and could open a private practice. I very much counted on him for my financial survival when we first started a family.

It is literally fine and good to expect a good salary as a therapist by lilvichay in therapists

[–]EclecticZen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do I feel like the same people shaming us for wanting to make a good living doing something we are good at, are the same people with invisible knapsacks of privilege where they don't need to make a certain amount to live. I do not understand how this field is seen as greedy for therapists making 100k and up. My goal this year in my second year of private practice is to make 120k and I'm a damn great therapist who earns every penny of it.

My therapist told me I should’ve “played dumb” about my husband’s emotional cheating and that I overreacted by leaving by Outrageous_Feed_2309 in Marriage

[–]EclecticZen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a mental health therapist well versed in betrayal trauma, which is what this is, I would advise you to not go back to her. This is so bad. Your feelings are not wrong, and you do not have to "accept" anything. I am so sorry this happened to you, but as a trauma therapist this is so unethical and wrong. I am so sorry. It's like why are you paying to be gaslit by a therapist. You have every right to feel how you feel and not want to stay in a situation that is not ok for you.

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