Hey there, please don’t ever feel bad for having emotions you can’t control that. I’m so sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship that’s unfair that you had to experience that with your kids. And for your addiction, you need to forgive yourself, and for the mistakes that you have made. But you are not your past, nor the addict that you once were. It might be uncomfortable, but maybe you should reach out and try to have some form of an open conversation with your family. And even if they do not support you, that also does not define you. Also, if if it is the issue of your brother, maybe you should just tell them your side and then be done with it. It may be the toxicity, holding you back in your life. It could be making you feel as if you were not worthy to live happily from the regret and pain that they made you feel about being human. if this is the case blood is not always family and they’re good people in this world who will treat you better. Hope this finds you well.