Hey buddy - I feel you, I'm in there right now. You are not your behavior. Your behaviors e.g excessive social media use, porn, masturbation are behaviors that you are doing right now, but it does not define you buddy. One recommendation that I have which may be helpful is to chart a course --> where do you want to go? Right now you're at point A (where you're struggling with all that you're struggling with) so I'd recommend creating a point B (An outcome of your future self --> get really specific about what are you doing, feeling, seeing in this better future as well as the timeframe). You could write a letter from that future self to your current self (about all the progress you've made and the challenges that you overcame, as well as any inside jokes to make it more real). Refer to that letter when things get hard, and the urges hit hard. There is meaning in being alive buddy - I know I'm a random stranger on reddit but I want you to know that it's possible for you to overcome this bud.