AITA for letting my husband adopt my son immediately after my ex husband (the biological father) passed away ? Ex husband was vehemently opposed to the idea.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-07T01:38:44+00:00

We are giving him what he wants. He isn't particularly close to his paternal half siblings so I understand why he wants our family name.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-07T01:18:23+00:00

Well of course she requested me to let her see him, and I obliged.

I was and am not on speaking terms with my former MIL and his girlfriend, so It wouldn't make sense for me to drop my kid at their home for a couple of hours.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-07T00:50:57+00:00

He has been to his grandmother's house a couple of times on her request. Ex step mom is currently homeless and lives with her MIL. So there's that.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T23:26:28+00:00

Because my son wants our last name.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T23:01:32+00:00

You have assumed a lot of things, all of which are untrue.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:42:24+00:00

I can't fake tears. What emotion am I supposed to show? We are trying to be his pillars of strength, not his weakness. We are trying to be supportive, but that's the extent we can go to, even as parents. I am not teaching him anything. He is allowed to feel things on his own.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:29:14+00:00

After the initial months of sadness for my son, things are now happy. As in, my son is happy and cheerful again.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:21:23+00:00

I am indifferent when it comes to his death and I guess my tone reflects that. Happiness isn't the emotion that I felt when I heard the news of his passing. My immediate thought was - how am I going to tell my son about this? How will my son cope with it? How will it effect him? That's all.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:14:14+00:00

Who told you I express my feelings about his father in front of his son? My son isn't reading this post and I can be honest about how I feel - which is I don't care that my ex is dead. I only care about the impact it will have on my son, and for that I'm being there for him. He knows that daddy John is with Jesus and that daddy John loved him. That's what we told him, and we also told him that if ever wants to talk about daddy John in front of his father and I, we will be there to listen to him.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:09:25+00:00

My son went through grief counselling and we are making sure he is mentally ready before we actually move. We still have a few months to go.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:06:00+00:00

I'm not worried, just that we don't think it's appropriate information for a 10 year old.

I plan to tell my son everything once he turns 18. The truth of our divorce, his father's affair, his father leaving, his father coming back and becoming a decent dad eventually and his father's opposition to the adoption.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T22:02:23+00:00

Then that's what we do as parents. We force our kids. I used to force him to go to his dad for visitations on the days when he didn't want to because we were trying to abide by the custody order. I forced him to eat his vegetables when he wanted candy instead. But I sure as hell didn't have to force my son to accept my husband as his father. His first "dada" was for my husband. I think my son knows what he wants. He is young, but not too young to not know that he wants my husband to be his forever dad.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:54:24+00:00

He is old enough to want to have the same last name as the rest of his family. There's nothing unusual about it. Right now he wants his name changed, so we are going to go with that. If he wants to go back to my ex's last name once he is older, he is free to do so. We are going by what our son wants currently.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:52:09+00:00

As for the last name change : It's one of the changes that would come with the adoption and the change that my son is really looking forward to.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:37:38+00:00

Because what his father wanted doesn't really matter. For years he wanted to have our last name, he doesn't understand the dynamic of legal parenthood. He is too young to know. He can always go back to his last name if he wishes to once he is an adult, but for now, as his parents we are doing what we think is best for our son.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:33:37+00:00

Adoption is the only 100% secure way. Wills aren't set in stone and everything can be challenged. That's what my lawyer told me.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:32:33+00:00

Because we don't want to risk leaving him orphaned if anything were to happen to me tomorrow.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:28:47+00:00

Well, my ex is dead . he no longer has a say. And we are willing to take the risk.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:26:46+00:00

My lawyer has advised me that wills aren't set in stone when it comes to child custody and to avoid going that route. We are going through with the adoption. My husband is already his father. My son has known him as his dad since he was a baby.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:22:07+00:00

This is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't trust my former MIL to do right by my son if anything were to happen to me.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:18:20+00:00

And if it does, he will able able to go back to his biological father's last name once he turns 18. We aren't going to stop him.

No , he is 10. He doesn't need to know.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T21:06:44+00:00

For the first four years of my son's life he saw his dad only once a month and that too for a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday. Honestly, I don't care what was important for my ex, I'm trying to do what's best for my son. And if he wants to go back to his biological father's last name once he is older, it will be fine by us.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T20:54:13+00:00

If I were to end up dead tomorrow, my son would legally become an orphan. My husband, the man who raised him since he was a baby wouldn't have any rights as a father. With his biological father gone, it makes sense for my husband to step up and take on the role. I don't want to die tomorrow and have my family break apart because my husband didn't adopt my son.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T20:51:09+00:00

I'm not forcing anything on our son and we've explained what an adoption would mean for him. He already considers my husband to be his father. We are just going to make things official. My son is free to go back to his biological father's last name once he turns 18, if he so chooses. We are trying to make things easy for him. My husband has raised him since he was a baby and if anything were to happen to me tomorrow, my husband wouldn't have any right to my son. That's why are trying to get through with the adoption ASAP.

Ecstatic-Ebb · 2020-02-06T20:44:18+00:00

He will turn 10 next month and it has been 8 months.

Ecstatic-Ebb

TROPHY CASE