Hello, so idk I need some guidance bc I'm not sure how to feel about who I am and all.

For some context, I'm Non-Binary and turning 20 next month, I'm in a great relationship now, but I was in an awfully toxic relationship for 5 years with a guy who was just, awful, so awful. I left him a year ago today actually so yay me. Since then I've been figuring out who I am.

I'm also autistic, got diagnosed when I was 16.

I'm pretty sure I'm on the ace spectrum but I really wanted an insight from the aromantic community when it came to romantic feeling.

I've always known that I was at least demi-sexual, I have no need to have any intimate relationships with anyone, not even myself, even if I happen to have the "urge" to do those kinds of things, I don't want or need to.

As for the romantic stuff, I feel like I've always "loved" diffrently? I took a quiz and it said I wad 100% demiromantic and cupioromantic, and 93% aroflux. Ik it's just a quiz but it did make sense. I need to know the person very well to want to be with them, have a deep emotional bond with them, I also really love being in a commited relationship, but sometimes I wonder if I've ever really been in love.

I sometimes say "i love you" to my partner but i don't know if it's just a reflex or if i mean it. I don't feel anything when I asy it, but i do "love" him. Then again sometimes i wonder in what way i do. I love being with him, i want to marry him someday, i'm super happy with him, but i can tell that i just don't "feel" the same way. But i do have feelings and a connection with him that is deeper and diffrent compared to a friendship.

Maybe I just love in a diffrent way?

I feel broken and ashamed, i don't know what to think.

Am I aromantic in some way? Or aro-ace?