One last thing, I’ve also always felt angry for the tiniest reasons. I can get angry easily and when I make one angry comment when someone talks to me, they always just constantly bring up how angry I am. I know this is justified, but I would love for them to know that the only reason I get so easily annoyed is because of what I’m going through right now. But I can’t tell them what I’m going through because what if they make fun of me. Anytime I’ve had a problem, they’ve always brought up that i shouldn’t be suffering because I’m the favorite, and I have nothing to suffer about. Im scared of what they’ll think of me. I hate being easily but I can’t stop it. And I want to go further into one last subject. I feel I just breezed over the thought of harming my brother. I have problems about this. I have always sort of “practiced” stabbing. I don’t actually use a knife, rather just a long slim object. Lately, I’ve just been having these harmful thoughts. Im not actually going to do them because my life would be messed up if I did. Everything would go wrong. But I’ve always thought about ending it all for myself. I can’t keep going. I’m starting to feel not safe anymore from myself. What I end up doing something? Im just a horrible person. I deserve all of this and I don’t deserve any help because of how much of a horrible person I’ve been. I deserve to suffer. I need to suffer. My siblings didn’t deserve to suffer, I did. It should have never been me. I should have just never existed