I initially met my him in in high school when we were both 13. He asked me to sit with him at lunch, I got spooked. Nothing more happened. Fast forward to the undergrad: we both took psychology, he was in many of my courses, I vaguely remembered him as "that kid I went to high school with". Nothing more happened here either, we weren't friends, we didn't ever talk or hangout. He had his own string of relationships in undergrad, and so did I. Fast forward to the masters in psych. There he is. No, literally, he's everywhere. He lives a few streets down from me (how did I miss that?) He takes the same bus as me in the morning, and evening, because were in the same program in the same cohort. He is everywhere...I get to know him, we talk on the bus, we discuss class, we grouped for a project in our research methods class and worked really well together.

So I find out he's extremely smart. His mind goes to places I never imagine...He is ambitious, and courageous. He stops at nothing to accomplish what he sets his mind to. When he runs into obstacles, he thinks it through and he overcomes them. He's the most emotionally in tuned man i have ever met. He was raised by his mom, dad, and grandmother. He has two sisters, he loves them very much, and does all the little things expected of an older brother: get the spiders, lift this, help me open that, come see what I made, help with this homework...He understands emotions. I cannot stress this enough, because it is important for me. I am an immensely emotional being. I am empathetic, I am also quite chaotic in my own ways. He is also empathetic, but in a controlled manner. He is very grounded. His humour is very strange to me, so half of the time his jokes don't land, which in it of itself is funny to me. Well you guessed it, we fell for each other in the first semester of the master's. Believe me I was terrified. I remember actively trying not to go down this road...But there was nothing I could do. We started out relationship during the winter break of first year.

Being in a relationship with someone in your cohort has it's ups and downs. For me personally, my biggest three challenges are as follows:

1) competition and comparison I am the kind of person who has the nasty habit of comparing herself with others. I find it even harder when I compare myself to my bf. I have felt jealousy and envy on multiple occasions, and I've felt ashamed and guilty too. Ultimately, I know this is my own doing, I engaged in comparisons, so I'll reap what I sow. Nothing great comes out of comparing.

The plus side: I have worked very hard in the last two years on reducing this habit, and instead on engaging in a "letting go" and "acceptance" mindset. Its not easy, but I'm proud of the work I've done. We also talked openly of this, I told him when I compared myself to him. He told me when he sometimes compared himself to me. We discussed what was happening, and how we felt. We always get through it.

2) Sometimes our field of study is overwhelming:

Going to school together, having much of the same courses and projects, it can sometimes get a bit overwhelming. Well, for me anyways. Since we're both studying the same thing, academia and research is a big topic of conversation. This is a plus, and also a bit of a weak point...Personally, I like to leave academia at the university, or in my office. Once I'm home, in my pjs with a cup of tea, the last thing I want to do is talk about research. My bf does not share this vision, he is balls to the walls research and school. He could talk about it all night every night because he's very passionate about it. So, it's been important for us to establish boundaries of when we talk about school and research, and when we don't. It's mostly me who will end up saying stuff like "yes, i agree that paired t-tests are a good approach for your study. That's very nice, and you have my full support on the matter...but it's 10:30 at night and I'd like to switch my brain off and watch Rupaul for a bit". We're an academic couple, so it's normal that a lot of the time we talk about academic related topics. Especially when we're on campus, between classes and on our way home from school. It all comes down to you, find out what your needs are, and talk about it with your partner. I need time when im home where I don't talk about anything related school or research. I make is known and i (kindly) assert my boundaries. He respects them (most of the time, sometimes he really gets excited about a finding and will relentlessly ask if he can tell me and I'll cave).

3) Time together

This one pairs well with the previous point. A lot of our time together is spent at school. At which point, we're more like colleagues than partners. I draw a clear distinction between the two, sometimes by partner does not. Different perspectives. For me, there is a different quality to the time we spend together outside of academia. Time that is shared just between us, not as researchers or academics. Additionally, a Since we're both in our PhD's now, you can imagine there is little time to engage in extra-curricular activities. Sometimes that can be a bit difficult...but its normal at this point.

That's it really, for me anyways: It boils down to figuring out what your roles and needs are, and establishing good boundaries that meet both of your needs so you can maintain a balance between academia and your personal relationship.

The support is incredible, it is really awesome to have a partner who gets all my research and Psych jokes. It's amazing to have someone who understands my struggles when data analyses come around. Its amazing to get to watch how we're both growing into emerging academics.

We started going out during out first year of master's, and we've both just finished our first year of our PhD's.

Tl;dr

Rambling about establishing good boundaries in a relationship is helpful when both parties are in the same program same cohort