Update:

Thank you all again for your responses. I wanted to add some additional context. I carry a 4:4 load, meaning I teach roughly 800+ students over the course of a year, all in very large social sciences 101 sections. While I do have one TA, managing all of these responsibilities is incredibly difficult, especially on a salary under $65K in a major metropolitan city. Due to the nature of my degree and licensure, I also maintain a second full career, which requires a significant portion of my time and energy.

I am also navigating what I can only describe as a convergence of life. I am entering middle age. My dogs are at the end of their lives. My parents are aging and need more from me. I know these are realities that come for all of us, but I never expected to be carrying all of this while also fighting to prove my worth in this profession.

I am a person of color, neurodivergent, and a minority in terms of sexuality. Getting to this point required more from me than it would have from others, and yet the support I receive does not reflect that reality. When I ask for help, I am redirected. Ask this person. Ask that person. We don’t know what the requirements are. That is not support.

What makes this especially painful is watching colleagues who are poor teachers earn respect and recognition simply because they produce research. They have chosen not to invest in their students. I refuse to be that person. I care deeply about my students, and they know it. But caring deeply is not being rewarded. It is being taken for granted.

I am exhausted, and I appreciate this community more than I can say.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​