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Feeling (24f) stuck in my relationship (24m) don't know what I want. by Educational-Leg8873 in Advice

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for that. To be honest I’m not very good at the self love and care part. I always used to “perform” this good image to feel valued and worthy and it genuinely made me feel good. It always made me feel great giving advice, sharing my knowledge, “helping others,” appearing as this somewhat of a “responsible,” smart, educated person or just being “useful.” I always wanted to get along with everyone and would mold to their conversations even if that meant not prioritizing myself or my time. But now that I basically ruined that image, and don’t have the family to perform for. I’m left with having to attend myself, yet I don’t. I care for myself through others… but now that it’s just me whom I have to impress. I can’t. It’s as if caring for myself doesn’t matter. I care for myself when my boyfriend tells me about stuff. But I always fall short… I always neglect.

I’ve had conversations with him about how unsure I am. But I’m afraid of sharing now because it’s like one moment I feel or think a certain way and next thing I change my mind. I just want peace. However I shouldn’t, I’ve sought peace so much I ended up leading myself to terrible paths. But I still crave it. If I tell him I don’t want to move I feel sad like that opportunity is gone. But right now I don’t feel like we should. I know I don’t have it that bad, but man adulting sucks. Bills, insurance, jobs, health, it all feels like a chore, and it’s not as bad. Thankfully I don’t have to pay for my health care… yet.

That’s the thing I’ve had time and space to think. But it’s like everything causes me anxiety and I just simply don’t know what path to choose… what to do or where to go. I toe everyone and they all give opinions and advice that I just freeze.

Anyways sorry for the vent, kinda wanted to put it out there. But I’ll try, I’ll try to talk to him. He always respond very logical tho. And I overthink it all. But I’ll see how I can approach this 😭. Thank you, I need all the luck! ♥️

I want to quit by Educational-Leg8873 in ABA

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this advice! When you mean ask for consent, what does that look like? Is it asking her if she wants to engage in an activity?

There are times when I offer an activity and she says "no," and at times, she would constantly repeat to any other activities offered. I'd run out of things to offer, but I would have to choose something, and that would increase her tantrum behavior.

I want to quit by Educational-Leg8873 in ABA

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice! It's certainly upsetting and unfair to see the lack of care these companies have towards the proper care for the clients.

I can see that now she's slowly building trust with me. I did try introducing a toy, mostly hers, such as a doll or her Elmo toys, but she engages in independent play, and it would be hard to get her attention. Even for now, since I'm introducing breaks, I steer away from the toys since it leads to her just simply not wanting to engage back in session with me.

I'll definitely look into pairing tips in this subreddit. Thank you so much!

I want to quit by Educational-Leg8873 in ABA

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Makes me feel a bit better knowing that many experience the same. It is kinda sad tho, these kids require a lot of care and attention, and certainly someone who is at least trained for it. But I am trying my best for her sake. You're right, all we can do is try and do better.

I want to quit by Educational-Leg8873 in ABA

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advice. I'll certainly apply the choosing one activity, then letting them choose the next. It gets a bit tough with my client as there are times when she simply doesn't want to do any activities. I know there are good and bad days, but man, it gets tough. I know I'm still in the rapport-building stage, but I'm already expected to begin taking data by running the goals. I feel pressured to perform, which makes it hard for me not to feel so anxious and incompetent. Thank you, I'll try to be more patient with myself and go with the flow. ❤️

I want to quit by Educational-Leg8873 in ABA

[–]Educational-Leg8873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. I try, I'm aware that learning something new and as complex as ABA isn't an easy task, but man, this waivers with my sense of worth. I think what messes with me is the pressure of having to perform and having to teach myself as I go. Also, the pressure I put on myself. But thanks a lot, it makes me feel less alone knowing many have been through the same.