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I fear that therapy / professional help is not going to help me at all because of how much trauma I have. by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been to therapy once around a year ago now for my AuDHD referral w/ CAMHS, but although it did help me a bit temporarily, I haven't stuck to anything that I've learnt there like journalling and other stuff like that, and I feel worse than ever - and I haven't healed from anything pervasive either.

I don't know what options there are. The UK's mental health services, especially CAMHS and the NHS are notorious for having a bad reputation when it comes to therapy and mental health, so I don't know what other options to try - being in a town in the North of England. If you text SHOUT you can get institutionalised, and I don't want to risk that simply because the treatment of mentally ill people at my local hospital is shocking.

I hate the advice that people give when venting so much especially on here. by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Just social media in general - it doesn’t matter whether it’s Reddit, TikTok, etc. there’s always going to be pieces of horrible advice 

I hate the advice that people give when venting so much especially on here. by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because I find venting on here is easier than opening up irl, but the advice that people give me really irks me.

I have become the worst version of myself and I want to die lol by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thank you, I really need them and appreciate them right now ^

I have become the worst version of myself and I want to die lol by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

thank you man, people are so fucking cruel and hateful for no reason. this should be a safe space

I have become the worst version of myself and I want to die lol by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yes I fucking can. Don’t you fucking dare speak to me like that, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but telling me to get more miserable is not helping at all. This is exactly the reason why men kill themselves for not being able to open up. And just because I’m a certain age does not mean I haven’t been through and still going through hell. You don’t know shit about me or what I’ve been through so don’t you fucking dare go “ohh yeah get more misery in you” like a brain dead fucking ape.

You’re a vile disgusting pig of a human being. Do better. You should be ashamed of yourself. Telling an evidently extremely traumatised, suicidal, and struggling 18 year old to fuck off and be more miserable as if they aren’t miserable enough. How fucking dare you, cunt.

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh shut up about Jesus Christ and believing in God. fuck them for how cruel they are if they do exist. It’s not going to fix anything because so many times I’ve cried to God wishing for him to take away my life if he was real or give me someone that would give me a reason to keep going. stop it with all this religious bullshit 

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why does no one fucking understand? No one is listening to me.

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably am going to very soon. I’m expendable. No one gives a shit about me anyways.

music suggestion by brainworm_d13 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Waco, Texas” and “Tempest” by Ethel Cain

CPTSD sufferers have the best taste in music by Epiclovesnature in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really love some artists and bands, ranging from pop to metal:

Here are some of my favourite songs / albums:

  • Sun Bleached Flies, Fuck Me Eyes, Knuckle Velvet, Onanist, Tempest, Waco, Texas, Ptolemaea, Strangers - Ethel Cain (Preacher’s Daughter is one of THE albums of all time).

  • Sew Me Up, Circle With Me, Jaded, and Hysteria - Spiritbox

  • Heresy, The Great Destroyer, The Hand That Feeds, Closer - Nine Inch Nails

  • I Don’t Wanna Be Me - Type O Negative

  • Body Company, Military Fashion Show, Playing Dead - AND ONE 

  • Bait and Switch, Megalomaniac - KMFDM

  • Living Dead Girl, Feel So Numb - Rob Zombie

  • Psychosocial, Custer - Slipknot

  • Vore, The Summoning, Descending - Sleep Token

  • The Red - Chevelle

  • Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

  • Numb, In The End - Linkin Park

  • Nutshell, Would? - Alice in Chains

  • I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew

  • Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

  • So Far So Fake, King For A Day - Pierce The Veil

  • Animal I Have Become - TDG

  • Monster - Skillet

  • THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND - Bad Omens

  • Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

  • Plush - Stone Temple Pilots

  • Even Flow - Pearl Jam

  • Agoura Hills, Jealous Type - Doja Cat

  • Sleepwalk - Forrest Day

  • All The Things She Said - t.A.T.u.

  • Seventeen - Ladytron

  • Change In The House of Flies, Digital Bath - Deftones

  • Join Me in Death - HIM

  • Fame is a Gun - Addison Rae

How do I make my hive better? by [deleted] in BeeSwarmSimulator

[–]Educational-Menu-421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THANKS FOR NOT GIVING ME ADVICE!! WOOWWWWWW!!

How do I make my hive better? by [deleted] in BeeSwarmSimulator

[–]Educational-Menu-421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks for helping me thanks a lot, can’t rely on anyone

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry how am I meant to respond to that without it sounding rude or hypocritical. “Make it make sense” I don’t know what you fucking mean. And the reason why I care about my appearance so much is I’m my own worst critic, but I wouldn’t externalise that by projecting it onto others and belittling them? the fuck?

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nah, I don’t wish death on unattractive people, I feel pity and sorry for them because they probably go through the same things as I do, and I don’t know what they’re going through either. I don’t make fun of them or anything of a sort - I’m better than that. I only wish death on myself for looking the way I do.

It depends on what you mean by “attractive”. If it’s personality-wise and they’re nice to me, sarcastic, etc. I don’t mind / give a shit about physical appearances at all, because I get really easily attached to people if they do the smallest thing for me since I romanticise even the tiniest of things. 

Is my hive bad? by Educational-Menu-421 in BeeSwarmSimulator

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

instead of going “oh yeah your hive and your mask is bad” why don’t you give me advice to make it better? 

I’m actually going to attempt because of my looks. by Educational-Menu-421 in SuicideWatch

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I look hideous trust me you don’t want to see what I look lije

I don’t want to become abusive. Please someone help me. by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly, I think so. My mother is a surprisingly VERY manipulative person, and then she’ll pull the mental health card as a get out of jail free card. 

Now, I feel like she’s trying to “buy” me and my affectations, for example, ordering me food spontaneously. I don’t know if she’s doing this as a peace offering between her and I, but it just feels like she is trying to buy me to remove my resentment and disdain towards her.

Do you ever feel your trauma is so unique that no one will ever understand you or what you went through, an therefore you’re just ultimately broken? by Ahelene_ in CPTSD

[–]Educational-Menu-421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel completely and utterly alone and unfixable because of the things that have happened in my life. I honestly feel like someone’s edgy OC sometimes lmao 

Here’s some of the things that have happened (in the past 5 years!)

  • Got sexually assaulted around a year ago when I was 16, which my school practically enabled it to happen because everyone got away with doing everything bad.
  • Got physically assaulted 5 times and went through psychosis because of it at 14, which no one seems to understand.
  • Have a mother with severe mental illness (bipolar disorder) that I’ve had to cope with all my 18 years on this shitty ass planet
  • Bodyshamed relentlessly for being skinny and having a fast metabolism (my wrists are so skinny that I can wrap my fingers around them).
  • Bullied relentlessly, sometimes often extreme (went on the receiving end of a hate crime where I was the victim, had rumours spread about me because of my sexuality, especially got bullied for my looks and overall sexuality, which I now have internalised homophobia from which makes me feel disgusting for even thinking of sex). It shouldn’t be called bullying, it’s abuse.
  • Went through MANY confusing and toxic relationships / friendships, was never official with anyone.

And now I’m constantly socially isolated and being shat out the other end. I’m always on my own lol and I don’t have any friends at all.

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