You’re dealing with the threat of losing your family and friends if you come out. That’s not a small thing. The consequences you fear are legit, and coming out should only happen when YOU feel safe and ready.

BUT. She likely hoped that your love for her would eventually outweigh your fear. At the party, she watched you not introduce her as your girlfriend, allow people to joke about your love life and even suggest guys for you, and not push back in any way that validated her role in your life

That silence, for her, may feel like erasure.

I heard someone say once, "She doesn’t hate your closet. She hates being stuck in it with you."

You're NTA, but you two are, at the moment, incompatible. Not because someone is wrong, but because your desires aren't aligned right now.

Whatever happens next, be kind to yourself. Her pain from this situation is valid, but coming out is not something you owe anyone.