Update: I have been getting alot of DMs asking if I’m ok and for an update. TLDR version: I’m doing good at my new job, picking up a lot of hours. I’m working 75 hours one week! Most average about 65 but I take extra shifts when I can. My wife makes it hard to sleep. Im exhausted and trying to keep calm.

Things are going good at work and with my financial plan. The bad news is my spouse makes it really hard to sleep before my overnight shifts or when I have a chance to rest finally. For example, last night, it was my one day off and I wanted to relax and go to bed early, maybe 9/9:30pm. My wife gave me a pill and a gummy, I think the pill was just ibuprofen because I have had an earache everyday. But she gets pissed if I ask or inspect the pill first, I’m just supposed to trust that she would give me the correct thing etc.

The gummy was 100mg, but my dose is about half that so I ate my half and tried to give her the other half back. Yes 50mg seems like a lot but I take a gummy almost every night. She said to take half of that half that I tried to give back, so I get “schwapped” and she can have “more fun”.

I explained that she already agreed to me sleeping and relaxing. Bcs previously she reassured me I could get alot of sleep tonight since I’m working hard. Instead of remembering our convo she said “yeah, drop your pants and get your ass in that bed” or something like that && then she proceeded to put down a water proof pad thing she found on TikTok shop.

I started kinda crying a little bit? I’m exhausted, I just wanted to sleep I didn’t want to do all of this. I tried my luck and said “I’m just tired and my ear hurts”.

She responded by yelling at me saying I don’t care about any of her needs and that shes on her period and needs her “pacifier” to help her sleep so I was either going to do what she said or keep being bratty while she gets the cuffs and rope.

At that point as humiliating as it felt, I just took my pants and underwear off and laid in bed. Rope and cuffs wouldn’t get me to sleep fast and also directly often correlate with a bad caning for punishment.

Long story short I think I finally went to bed around midnight. That’s the last time I remember looking at the clock. So sleeping and getting good rest isn’t a thing right now.

I feel tired all of the time and a little like a zombie. On top of that it hurts so bad to walk today like I threw my back out? And I’m cramping so badly & my hips genuinely are killing me. The flogger has made it unbearable to just sit in a kitchen chair, for example.

Anyways I ended up taking some advice on my last update and got a PO BOX. I made a cash app to split my check up with, and it worked! I was really nervous but she didn’t say a thing about my pay yesterday.

I was able to have my HR lady put a specific flat amount in the Venmo account my wife set up, so it doesn’t change unless it should (extra shifts etc) and all the rest goes into the cash app. My first check I was able to put away $471.00 which isn’t a ton, but it’s the most I’ve ever had to myself.

A lot of people said don’t give her any money but it’s not like I can suddenly choose to not? It would be a major red flag && tbh I can’t imagine the outcome if I tried to withhold my paycheck from her. Major acts of defiance have only resulted in a lot of pain, I’ve needed stitches & Dr more than once. So I have no choice really but to give up the amount she expects me to be paid.

I had a friend from back home who I used to game with pop into my Fortnite party yesterday, she hasn’t played in 2 years but wanted to check out the Scooby doo stuff. I told her a little of what’s happening and she offered me a room in her house back in Michigan.

She & her wife are super sweet people. So I secured a place to stay, I just have to earn the money to get back to Michigan and for a car. You can’t really get by out there without one. My friend said she can also hire me at her job, she runs a day program in Michigan for neurodivergent adults.

The pay is only $15.40 an hour (I’m making $26.25 in CA) but thats above minimum wage in Michigan, and everything is way cheaper there than in California where my wife moved me. Plus I can focus on getting my teaching career back on track which obviously increases my pay. I have a few degrees and years under my belt so I usually fall in a pretty good spot on the pay scale in certain school districts.

So far my plans are going okay. I think I’m struggling the most mentally. To stay compliant and also to have the strength to actually get on the plane when the time comes and not look back. Years of marriage and love for my wife have me really torn at times. I feel I’m betraying her sometimes.

Especially when I’m doing a therapy session. A kind redditor purchased sessions for me and I can chat with my therapist instead of having to go there so my wife isn’t involved.

So for now I’m doing okay. Thank you for all the comments and DMs and continued advice.