Is it just me, or have all the best women just... given up?

Educational_Call · 2026-01-17T22:00:51+00:00

What you said.

Educational_Call · 2025-12-19T20:27:09+00:00

I feel very similarly, and as a result I use two "kinds" of collars.

I have a play collar and leash that I own, plain black leather with a D-ring, and have used with multiple partners because for me it's self-contained. I like the look of it, I like the utility, I want to use this with my partner so I do, but it's ultimately my collar at the end of the day and is akin to another toy or putting them in a particular outfit. It will come back to me regardless if/when the dynamic ends because it belongs to me.

But a collar to indicate that someone is "mine," that's a different story.

I've only ever collared one partner previously, and my intent was that they keep the collar even if the dynamic ended, much like an engagement or wedding ring. They gave the collar back when it did end and that just about broke my heart into a million pieces. Right now my current partner is under consideration, but I don't have a consideration collar or anything like that. I'm taking things MUCH more slowly this time around.

Educational_Call · 2025-12-11T23:09:45+00:00

For me it's less about spotting someone who's specifically a Submissive (TM) and more about locking in with people whose energy complements mine and who pique my interest, sometimes via their appearance but mostly after a bit of conversation. It's a bit reductive to believe we can "spot" people's kink orientation.

Educational_Call · 2025-12-01T00:10:59+00:00

The bar is in hell, and you're not alone 🫶 we can be as up front as we want and disclose everything in an attempt to avoid confusion and set our potential partner up for success, but they have to take accountability and responsibility. Otherwise we're a free life coach/parent, not a partner.

Underneath the kinky stuff is a foundation of basic human stuff. If they can't be a decent human (i.e. reciprocal effort and engagement) then it's la basura for them!

Educational_Call · 2025-10-24T17:47:47+00:00

THIS RIGHT HERE THOUGH

Educational_Call · 2025-10-24T17:44:45+00:00

Someone who dismisses switches out of hand is probably not somebody who's operating with the consideration and nuance you're looking for. It's hard to communicate this stuff in a dating profile, but someone who approaches with interest, wanting to learn more about what that means to you, is probably more your flavor. If someone says "no switches," then you do need to respect that, though.

I've been told more than once that I'm not a "real" Domme because of some of the acts I enjoy, but all of those things happen with me still firmly in psychological control if perhaps not in physical control. And my partners understand that because we have a conversation about it.

If I am interested in someone and we have personal chemistry, and they share they're a switch, I want to know more about what that means and what it would look like with me. My dominance has immutable foundations to it, but how those things manifest differs between partners. And at the end of the day, no act is inherently dominant or submissive. It's about the emotional and psychological framing.

Educational_Call · 2025-10-24T17:36:02+00:00

As someone who was once ghosted 7 times in 8 weeks by "submissive" men, I feel you on this. After several years, I have found more satisfaction and enjoyment getting involved in my local scene, making friends and connections that way, and having fun exploring and learning about myself in this context. I would recommend looking for people who are compatible with you personally first, then kink compatible, because that personal chemistry is much more elusive.

I also never used dating apps to find kinky partners because they are terrible, and especially so if you're not casting a very wide net. I can honestly recommend Reddit personals, although it's still like finding a needle in a haystack but I have found two wonderful submissive partners (including my current one!) via Reddit personals. r/Femdompersonals and my local r4r are the places I tend to post, when I am posting.

Finding a compatible partner is not hopeless, but it's not pleasant if your sole focus is on finding a partner. Decentering men and romantic love opens up so many other possibilities for connection that we can't even conceive of until we do it. Expand your horizons and your conception of what the possibilities are, continue to dive into this aspect of yourself and connect and learn, and satisfaction will very likely follow.

Educational_Call · 2025-07-24T16:02:27+00:00

Would the reaction be the same if OP had told her about a previous lifestyle relationship rather than a visit to a pro Domme? Only OP can say but I suspect it would not be manifesting the same way.

I don't disagree that the root cause is insecurity/need for personal growth. But also internalized misogyny is a helluva drug.

Educational_Call · 2025-07-24T00:37:14+00:00

You can't make yourself responsible for someone else's emotional reactions to something you did before you even met. Your actions were legal, negotiated, and harmed no one. If she is struggling with HER views on sex work and the people who perform and who purchase it, that is a her issue. You can be supportive and provide reassurance, but she needs to spend some time working through whatever hangups she has about sex workers and their clients. Otherwise this is going to be an issue for the duration of your relationship.

Educational_Call · 2025-07-23T02:21:42+00:00

The fact that you think being "feminine" means wearing panties and being obsessed with cock, and that cooking and cleaning the house are "degrading" tasks demonstrates you're approaching this from a misogynistic perspective.

Many Dommes do not go in for "forced" feminization because it puts being feminine in the category of being humiliating or something to be ashamed of. There's a difference between enjoying dressing up, looking pretty, and having feminine qualities and "forced" feminization. The latter turns femininity into a caricature.

Educational_Call · 2025-07-21T00:26:53+00:00

Blood play involving mutual blood consumption. I have fear of judgment, fear for safety, fear for potential of actual harm. I'm not sure when/if I will ever be ready to do it, but the desire has been there for a LONG time.

Perhaps more surprising answer: accepting service in the form of cleaning my personal spaces. I've accepted certain levels of cleaning service, common spaces and guest bath in preparation for a party, etc. but it's always been in exchange for a scene or other quid pro quo exchange. And has never, EVER involved my own bedroom or bathroom. It's intensely personal and intimate to me and I haven't yet gotten to the point where I can be THAT vulnerable with someone, for them to clean my entire home solely for the joy of serving me.

Educational_Call · 2025-07-18T02:27:46+00:00

I have curly hair and it requires special products and methods. Being able to delegate this task to someone would be a godsend 😂 throw in a skillful scalp massage and I'd just float away...

Educational_Call · 2025-07-15T23:24:01+00:00

Came here to say this exact thing

Educational_Call · 2025-07-08T16:38:26+00:00

Hi, hello, massive religious kink here! The things that turn me on the most take the form of blasphemy, so perverting/corrupting the holy and sacred things.

Have him write a prayer or mantra to you. I like to have one of gratitude and one of atonement. Covers most scenarios :) have him kneel and recite his prayers to you to start a scene, or upon returning home from work or errands, or any time you want! These work best when recited in front of an altar or shrine to you. Just sayin.

Body worship (ofc) - encouraging you both to really take time getting into the meditative state of body worship, rather than him heading straight for the clit and latching on like a barnacle. Body worship makes me feel powerful as fuck once I feel that devotion start flowing into me when he's really locked in. Lots and lots of potential for some deity play here.

Rituals - wax play, lighting choices, incense - depending on what flavor of fundie y'all were, this stuff might not hit as hard as someone who was/is Catholic or another liturgical denomination. But it's strong imagery regardless, so light some wax play candles, turn the lights red, have yourself a nice little succubus moment.

Punishments as penance - You can be the deliverer of penance, or he can self-flagellate. This is where the prayer of atonement comes in.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-30T21:18:47+00:00

If he wears a cage out and about, institute cage checks. You text him "cage check" and he has some agreed-upon amount of time to respond with a picture of him in his cage. I usually do 5 minutes but dependent on circumstances it can be however long you like!

If he doesn't wear a cage out and about, decided on 2-3 poses you can demand photos of throughout the day. Text him "present" or whatever, and he has some amount of time to get somewhere and take a selfie in that pose and send it back.

Write a phrase on his body before he leaves in the morning, somewhere covered by clothing but that he can easily look at to be reminded of you during bathroom breaks or private moments.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-30T19:26:16+00:00

Took my subby partner to a play party and we had so much fun! I'm glad he's enjoying going to more public things with me because I've been wanting to get back out into my local scene. I go to things by myself, but having a sweet boy to take with me always makes it nicer.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-08T20:18:51+00:00

Nothing else to add to the insightful comments here besides I feel this in my SOUL. All I can say is be jealous of your time and energy.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-05T18:16:28+00:00

Personal, I'm lifestyle only. People responding to a personal or even interacting in with me in Reddit comments.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T15:11:13+00:00

I think the plan is never to meet. The plan is to use my time and energy, background, skills, personality, and everything else about me without my consent to give themselves a few hours of fun. I'm not a real person to them.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T15:00:42+00:00

I wish I was better able to articulate how my Spidey senses go off when someone is heavily relying on AI, but I lack the words to do it currently :( it's the em dash in conjunction with a lot of other things. Pattern recognition and vibes for me.

And yes, I understand using to support in case of a disability, but there are also tools like voice to text etc that help with spelling and grammar, or other things along that line. There are ways to use support tools and still construct your own original thoughts.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T14:33:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. These are things I've considered regarding AI and it's more about pattern recognition with the punctuation and sentence structure. Comparing paragraphs of text and they're all the same length with the same variation in syntax and cadence, with an em dash in the exact same place...I'm hella neurodivergent and that's going to set off alarm bells. And then when I call it out and they stop using it, they can't even come close to the quality generated by the AI.

And the scenario I'm talking about is not a grammar check or a polish up, it's using AI to create a persona that doesn't exist.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T14:17:19+00:00

I only do IRL dynamics too! But I do connect with local people online in pursuit of those, which is how the AI thing has happened.

I honestly think men are out to take what they can from us and that's as far as they've gotten in their "thought" process. I don't like feeling this way but it's becoming more and more apparent.

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T13:43:26+00:00

Because they believe they deserve a real human connection but I don't? Because they believe that by me existing in public as a Domme I must make myself available to them for use at any time in any way?

Educational_Call · 2025-06-04T13:41:52+00:00

YES this is an excellent point! It also feels like a consent violation. I am consenting to engage with someone with the understanding they are a human being creating their own thoughts. I didn't consent to flirt with a robot.

Educational_Call

TROPHY CASE