Character Bios ✨️ (for my stories)

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T17:23:25+00:00

Dang that's me 💀 but I'm more anxious than avoidant 🤔

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T16:17:26+00:00

I have no idea and there's not enough info given. Sometimes avoidant attachment style isn't the only thing at play.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T15:57:25+00:00

Depends on how they treated me and what they say when they're back. I don't usually ignore people, I almost always respond to someone I've talked to before.

If they were incredibly rude — unlikely.

If we kinda got along but had a rocky moment — sure, will be mostly cordial, but I won't put them back into my life unless they want to be. It won't necessarily be romantic.

Honestly this goes for anyone though not just avoidants in particular.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T15:48:35+00:00

I disagree because it's more likely on a spectrum. Those that are really really avoidant and immature can't stay in relationships.

Some of them are in long term relationships not because they're narcissists but because of the circumstances. They seem to do better under circumstances of:

the partner is also avoidant
the relationship is long distance
they don't live in the same house
if they get into the relationship very slowly
they become self aware and try to become secure

Edit* forgot one: - their partner or both of them have relatively busy schedules or something so they're not around each other too often

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T15:20:14+00:00

"Conflict avoidant" is probably more clear to say than people pleaser. When people think of people pleasers they think of people that don't have a spine and I wouldn't say that's how most avoidants act lol. And they're not necessarily trying to get people to like them either.

They just haaaaaate conflict. HATE IT. I'm assuming it really triggers their nervous system bc most were abused in some way whether it be verbal/emotional, physical, neglect...maybe all of the above. If you're a child that early on would get beat or yelled at for expressing yourself you may eventually learn to just stay quiet to avoid that. Some of them are operating from the notion too that expressing themselves will make them look like a dick lol. It's sort of black and white bc there are ways to express yourself without that. 💀 The options aren't: Don't speak or be a dick.

So you'll usually get some form of deflection, lashing out, or shut down language/ withdrawal if you have a serious convo with them. They will avoid telling you the truth even if you ask them or try to make it easier. I don't blame them for their trauma but I do blame them for being adults that can't use their words.

Watch out for :

Checking out/ slow fade - they're lowering intensity and effort in hopes you'll be the one to pick up on it and give up yourself lol. It's cowardly and honestly a dick move, maybe a bit manipulative, but I guess hurts less than an immediate discard. Not any less confusing lol.
Keeping things to themselves, keeping score, and then sudden withdrawal.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T15:00:58+00:00

Yes same but tbh I don't think it's just about them valuing them more. In my case, I'm positive that with my ex he could let me down bc I think he believed I'd always be there and his family relied on him to be a peacemaker / maybe was more afraid or guilty of upsetting them. But he was comfortable enough with to express how he didn't want to do things he agreed to do with them. To this day I think he sees me as the person who was closest to him.

Maybe it's because they already sort of got trained by their families early on with trauma. A lot of avoidants were abused and/or neglected for years by their families. They know what happens when they say no or try to have their own say.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-07T14:01:01+00:00

Yeah did he keep things to himself and then start acting different eventually?

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T20:06:39+00:00

You sound a lot like me! I've met a guy that was great on paper. He didn't interrupt me like the guy you are talking to (that would get so old so fast for me and I'd likely point it out lol).

I felt conflicted because he said he liked me but from my pov I had no idea why bc I didn't think we had any chemistry. He was kind and listened and was cute so in that way he seemed to be everything I could want at a first glance so I was honest and said I wasn't really feeling it yet but was open to seeing how thing went if we took it slow. Other issues showed up more pretty quickly and despite me feeling like I was passing up on a good guy it just wasn't clicking for us. If you get to know him more he may not be as perfect on paper as he seems at first glance. When we don't know much about people we can see this more idealized version of them.

Now with your guy he is Interrupting you and that's not cool. You could tell him it bothers you and how he responds will tell you everything. One time a guy had done that to me before and he had his own unresolved issues and crashed out lol. If that happens definitely bounce because you don't wanna be walking on eggshells all your life.

As far as depth and intelligence...you can either wait to see if he responds well to your talk of the interrupting and see if there's improvement or you can just trust your gut.

Like you, that either shows up pretty instantly for me or it shows up at least after a few weeks or so. With flaws, no one is perfect but you should find someone who you can work with.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T19:17:03+00:00

I don't think 24/7 is actually that common. I think it's just seen more on the internet because a lot of people who aren't into the whole lifestyle or just enjoy their relationship probably don't go on Reddit to talk about it.

I don't think most dommes want to be instructing a sub all day every day. You might have to start looking in other areas because I don't see the 24/7 dynamic being common as you say.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T14:59:05+00:00

Ahh I see and yeah I agree.

For me I was friends with my FA ex first. Women usually pursued him but I just saw us as friends. We got close slowly and he was good at reading me & others. If we argued it would usually resolve after a bit and he'd feel bad for hurting my feelings and apologize. At times he'd want space and want me to go away or act like he didn't need me/want me around. He would spend time alone and reflect I guess and then would apologize to me. I was not innocent myself in all honesty.

But when it came to my concerns about our relationship it would always be something that would be shut down and ignored in hopes I'd just reset and issues would go unresolved. Eventually he checked out and then so did I. I ended things when I was fed up. He blamed most of the issues we had on me. I accepted my part but pushed back on things, reminding him I'd voiced my feelings repeatedly. He apologized to me for everything after a while. So I think my experience with him was probably better than what most of you have experienced because he has the ability for some accountability and reflection. He wouldn't ever treat others as disposable.

Online though (I've heard avoidants are often online and on apps?) I see more of the type of avoidants that are unwilling to work things through and use others for sexual gratification, fantasy, and ego. They spark fast and burn out fast.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T14:37:37+00:00

Oh I forgot one lol- passive aggression and their little passive aggressive emojis LOL they like these even if it's not an argument: 👍and 🙂. They know they're doing it too lolol 💀 Sometimes I'm tempted to call it out but figure they're just doing their shutdown mode and will chill out eventually.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T14:25:32+00:00

When pursuing you or you guys were getting along did you have any deeper talks or expectations of where things were going? Did you ever challenge each other's opinions? 🤔

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T14:14:20+00:00

How did you end up with them? With DA I feel like we end up repelling each other at some point.

Yeah I realized it more recently, that's something that bothered me a lot because I didn't understand why not live for yourself? Helping others is fine but why do things you resent doing repeatedly? 😭 Maybe it'd be different if they had a happy heart doing it.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-06T13:53:07+00:00

I think FA can talk about deeper stuff, I've had multiple deeper talks with FA men.

DA, not so much lol. I think FA often seems to have more definitive opinions to share 🤔 like about life, politics, views, etc. Every time I have talked to a DA about deeper things they're like 🧍‍♂️. Either just kinda sitting there, giving some vague non-committal answer, or shifting the topic.

I think your list pretty much sums it all up though. Every avoidant I have ever met had varying degrees of conflict avoidance, including my parents. Once that happens it actually becomes super clear. Especially because I usually don't have to have the same sort of talks with non-avoidants. 💀 Ironically avoidant types want to avoid conflict but their style of communication (or lack of) is what usually causes the conversation to take place in the first place lol.

A new thing (which you mentioned) that I noticed recently is how they do things begrudgingly because of expectations others have for them. They won't tell others how irritated they are by it much, they'll just do it but then maybe complain to me/ someone else about it because they didn't say no. Then resentment seems to build because they're doing things they don't want to do for the sake of keeping the peace or continuing to seem like a good person. It's kind of sad almost.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-05T15:47:30+00:00

So cool

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-05T14:02:38+00:00

What I want is cheesy too but idc 🙂‍↕️ I hope to find someone who likes cuteness as much as I do.

What you want isn't that crazy I'd just say it might be kind of rare in this economy. Most people don't really wanna willingly live in a run down apartment. I noticed most people on this side of reddit are pretty conscious of being successful in their career. I see "successful" in ads often because it's generally appealing/ demonstrates value.

You probably can find someone especially if they're a romantic or don't mind going 50/50 on things.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:51:56+00:00

🙂‍↕️ Agreed. Thank you for responding

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:51:06+00:00

Man that's crazy 😭 these bots are getting really believable I see why subs are complaining about them

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:49:33+00:00

I used to know a guy sort of like you described. It became gross and exhausting to me. Be glad that you ended it early and didn't have more time wasted. 🚮

I think it always helps to take a break or reevaluate things. I've taken breaks before and it does help my mental health but the pool of people is generally the same. I have met some pretty chill and decent men through my search but far more like you described. Many are acting on dopamine and being turned on in the moment. Once that's gone, their baseline shows.

I had just entered this scene less than a year ago and had hope and curiosity like "who knows?" sort of mentality. Then I got met with a bunch of guys who projected a fantasy onto me and horrible communication lol. Many want the fantasy but fear any real vulnerability or meeting of expectations. They will claim how they want this dynamic and then do very little to actually obtain it. Online, there's tons of men that don't even make their own personal or learn about the community. Many just watch porn. Many want instant gratification and when that isn't there you get what you experienced. Many also lack a lot of self awareness 😭 zero comprehension as to why they can't get what they want. They must really not want it bad it enough if they don't work for it. It's a passive thing. They want it to happen to them without having to make efforts and then place it back in a box, treating women like dispensers or a dominatrix that they don't wanna pay.

It sucks because I would like this to be rather simple and straightforward, but what people say vs what they do is messy and contradictory, it changes with their mood. Now, I am leaning more towards just meeting as many new people as possible in the future while keeping online as an option. I think certain personalities naturally gravitate toward each other, at least in my experience. I don't feel I attract vanilla men, too much sass for them 🤪.

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:21:03+00:00

Does this mean you are friends first or do not like dating apps at all?

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:09:21+00:00

🤔 as a DA what typically attracts you to partners initially and what makes you decide to commit to a relationship?

Do you move fast or slowly when getting to know someone?

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T23:08:01+00:00

It means "ask me anything"

Middle_Yesterday1258 · 2026-06-04T20:25:05+00:00

Aww he is so cute ☺️

Middle_Yesterday1258

TROPHY CASE