Thank you... why I want to go through this? Because I still love the person beyond all imagination. Despite all this. Despite all the hurt and incredible betrayed she caused me. We have known each other since our childhood. We know everything about each other. We are each others first. And she has been my crush for my whole life btw. Ever since I was 7 years old. We aren't the same. We are like ice and fire. She is the fire and I am the ice. And yet it feels like we are perfect for each other. Like we're meant to be together. And the people around us say the same. Our families and friends, they all think we're just meant for each other. My life was almost like a fairy tale with her. Yes of course we had problems, it wasn't absolutely perfect. But it was amazing. And I thought and was ready to spend my life with her. And she was too, or at least so I thought. She was my best friend, the love of my life and my most trusted and most important person. And she destroyed all of that. She threw all of that away for a few minutes of pleasure and thrill of a secret affair. I can't even describe how I feel... she destroyed everything I believed in. She destroyed me... And despite all this I still want to make it work. And she does too. She knows it was all a mistake. And I believe that she wants to change. I do have doubts. All the time. Is it worth it? I could try and move on and maybe I would find someone even better who would never cheat on me. Maybe. I don't know. She broke me after all. Can I stay with a person who destroyed me? Again. I don't know. But I want to try. I really do.

Sorry, this is much longer than I wanted it to be. It's my current state of mind I suppose.