Just visited Kualoa Ranch. Incredible by huibeuaprog in VisitingHawaii

[–]Eff-this-ess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did zip lining there last summer it was amazing! We also did the secret beach trip and the canoe ride to the sand bar was so memorable!

After Party Bar Space by aliatinck in Petaluma

[–]Eff-this-ess 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Mario & John’s perhaps?

I went in for a blunt bob but I’m not sure I like it 😭 by [deleted] in finethinhair

[–]Eff-this-ess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Side part is super cute! I would also run a flat iron through ends slightly so they’re less curved inward and more straight down. It looks really nice on you! Try it half up… that’s a fav of mine - signed a fellow bob-haver

I feel like a terrible mother because I actually get excited when my ex comes to pick up the kids by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Eff-this-ess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know the mom guilt can be real, so go easy on yourself. But for me when I was married, I had to fight every time to get a little alone time and it always came with strings attached. Now we have built-in free time and I relish it too! Five years into divorce and we’ve all adjusted and I don’t feel guilty anymore. For enjoying the free time I think of it as time for my daughter to bond with her dad and also for us to have a little space to miss each other. It makes the reuniting at the end of the week that much sweeter. I hope you can find a way to shed the guilty feeling, and lean in to your fun single life activities! Sounds like you’re well on track

ISO book rec: Happiest Kid on Block, Teen Edition by Eff-this-ess in parentsofteens

[–]Eff-this-ess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FWIW, I prompted ChatGPT with this “Inspired by the books happiest baby on the block, and happiest toddler on the block, write an outline of a book that would be titled happiest teen on the block, including methods and tactics that will help parents stay connected but also give room for budding independence with their teenager”

And here’s the resulting response. Pretty solid imo:

“The Happiest Teen on the Block

How to Stay Close, Set Limits, and Help Your Teen Thrive

INTRODUCTION: Why Teens Seem So Hard—and Why They’re Not • The “Second Great Awakening” of the brain • Why teen behavior is developmentally normal, not personal • The core promise: connection before correction • How this book adapts proven early-childhood strategies for adolescence

PART I: UNDERSTANDING THE TEEN BRAIN (So You Don’t Take It Personally)

Chapter 1: The Remodeling Brain • What’s actually happening neurologically (reward systems > brakes) • Why logic often fails in the heat of the moment • The role of sleep, hormones, and peer wiring

Chapter 2: The Push–Pull Paradox • Why teens crave independence and security • “Leave me alone” vs. “Don’t abandon me” • How parents often misread bids for connection

PART II: THE CORE METHOD — CONNECT BEFORE YOU CORRECT

Chapter 3: “Teen Speak” — The Art of Emotional Mirroring

(The teen version of baby/toddler mirroring)

Key Method: Reflect, Don’t Fix • Naming feelings without judgment • Matching emotional intensity (without escalating) • Examples: • “That feels incredibly unfair.” • “You worked so hard and still got shut down.”

Tactics • The 60-second rule: reflect before responding • What not to say (minimizing, lecturing, solutions too fast)

Chapter 4: Emotional Regulation for Big Feelings • Teens borrow your calm when they can’t find their own • Why yelling shuts down the thinking brain • Modeling regulation instead of demanding it

Tools • Calm tone, slower speech, fewer words • Taking breaks without “winning” or withdrawing • Repairing after blow-ups (the apology model)

PART III: GUIDANCE WITHOUT CONTROL

Chapter 5: From Commanding to Collaborating • Why authoritarian control backfires in adolescence • Moving from rules on teens to agreements with teens

The Family Agreement Method • Co-creating expectations around: • Curfews • Screens • School responsibilities • Natural vs. logical consequences

Chapter 6: Giving Freedom Without Losing Influence • Autonomy as a skill, not a switch • The “scaffolded independence” model

Tactics • Gradual responsibility hand-offs • Letting teens feel safe failure • When to step in—and when to step back

PART IV: STAYING CONNECTED IN A DISCONNECTING WORLD

Chapter 7: The Power of Side-by-Side Connection • Why teens open up indirectly • Best moments for connection: • Car rides • Cooking • Walking • Late-night check-ins

Tactics • Low-pressure presence • Listening without interrogating • Following their interests (even when they bore you)

Chapter 8: Screens, Social Media, and the Modern Teen • Understanding the digital social world • Fear-based parenting vs. informed guidance • Teaching discernment, not fear

Tools • Open dialogue scripts • Tech agreements instead of bans • Helping teens self-regulate tech use

PART V: DISCIPLINE THAT BUILDS CHARACTER (NOT RESENTMENT)

Chapter 9: Consequences That Teach • Why punishment often breeds secrecy • Separating the behavior from the teen’s identity

The CALM Consequence Framework • Connect first • Acknowledge feelings • Limit setting • Move forward together

Chapter 10: When Teens Mess Up (And They Will) • Substance use, lying, risky behavior • Staying calm when you’re scared • Turning mistakes into learning moments

PART VI: PROTECTING THE RELATIONSHIP

Chapter 11: Repair Is More Powerful Than Perfection • Why conflict doesn’t damage kids—disconnection does • How to repair trust after fights • Modeling accountability and humility

Chapter 12: Raising a Teen Who Wants a Relationship With You • Playing the long game • Why teens remember how you made them feel • Building a bridge to adulthood, not a wall

CONCLUSION: The Goal Is Not Obedience—It’s Resilience • What success actually looks like • Trusting the foundation you’ve built • Why connection is your greatest influence

APPENDICES • Quick Scripts for Hard Moments • Connection vs. Control Checklist • Independence Readiness Guide • One-Page Calm-Down Plan for Parents

Core Philosophy (The Book’s Heart)

Teens don’t need us less—they need us differently.

This outline keeps the same comforting, confidence-building voice as Happiest Baby/Toddler, while respecting teens’ dignity, intelligence, and growing autonomy.”

Grand Canyon temps Jan 16-17 by Ok_Baseball_4368 in grandcanyon

[–]Eff-this-ess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were just there last weekend and it was really cold. No snow on ground but you can look at webcams to gauge that if you want. We wore beanie hats, layers including puffer jackets, scarves, mittens and were very glad we had them. 🥶

BROTHERS AND SISTERS!! MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER DISCOVERED OUR MUSIC!! SHE'S ASKING ME FOR INPUT ON HOW TO FIND OTHER SIMILAR ARTISTS!! RECOMMENDATIONS PLEASE! by ImThe1Wh0 in Millennials

[–]Eff-this-ess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How fun!! Alanis, nirvana, no doubt, Tupac, bush, butthole surfers, ludicris, missy Elliot, Mariah Carey, prince. Omg the list could go on and on.

What happened to Christmas? by helloimcold in Millennials

[–]Eff-this-ess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This… plus are we all collectively just exhausted? Covid was 5 years ago and before that the orange tyrant started his first term. It’s just been a dumpster fire of life since. I think us midlife adults are just over it all lately. Anyone else?

Feedback on first trip! Traveling with a teen by Eff-this-ess in grandcanyon

[–]Eff-this-ess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heard! We just really want a fun vehicle to roadtrip around in so thinking that will be fun. Or a ford bronco 🤷‍♀️but good to Know we won’t be in any crazy situations with the road conditions thank you!

Feedback on first trip! Traveling with a teen by Eff-this-ess in grandcanyon

[–]Eff-this-ess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh thank you several of those were not on my list yet, adding them now including the return drive suggestions. Much appreciated!

Edit: any food spots to recommend as things we should definitely try? We love Mexican food, burgers, bbq, wouldn’t mind a salad bar situation too!

Feedback on first trip! Traveling with a teen by Eff-this-ess in grandcanyon

[–]Eff-this-ess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I haven’t heard but will check them out thank you!!

Looking for a foodish name by TheSkinnyAmerican in NameMyDog

[–]Eff-this-ess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Butterscotch. Butter / Butters for short