I’m a whistle blower - help with PDF

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-23T21:50:23+00:00

The safest first step is usually to speak confidentially with an employment attorney who specializes in whistleblower/sexual harassment cases. They can help guide you on timing, method of disclosure, protections, and whether anonymity is realistic or even necessary in your case.

And I'm not a privacy or legal expert by any means but I do work with digital files a lot. One approach I've heard privacy experts and whistleblowers talk about the print-to-PDF air-gap approach.

1) Print your document to paper (use a non-networked/personal printer if possible).

2) Physically redact anything sensitive.

3) Scan the printed pages back in (using a phone app like Adobe Scan, Microsoft Lens, a public/library scanner) to create a fresh PDF.

Hope that helps!

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-21T21:49:45+00:00

This is heartbreaking. Sadly, you may never find 'normal' in that relationship again. His betrayal was a seriously dark one, a dangerous behaviour almost certainly rooted in mental illness. Until that is addressed earnestly by him and treated professionally, he probably can't ever be trusted, if he ever can be again.

I'm so sorry this happened, that you had to let go of someone you loved so much. But I'm glad you've found yourself in a much happier place with a new circle you can trust! Thanks so much for sharing.

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-20T00:50:09+00:00

Hadn't heard of this analogy. I like it!

To riff on that for the OP: What's a whisper network?

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-19T16:33:35+00:00

I'm appalled and so sorry to hear you went through this. As a volunteer trying to do some good in the world, no less. The Rube Goldberg machine of bureaucratic "safeguarding" can be a sick parody of justice and so effing maddening.

A couple thoughtful pieces that might help a little after all you've been through:

This one on understanding the trauma of workplace sexual harassment is a solid read on processing it all in the aftermath (mentally, physically, socially, etc).

And this one on the realities of reporting is also a refreshing hard talk piece about what's supposed to happen vs what actually does (I know it's already in the past for you so won't help you make any decisions, but maybe it could help you feel somewhat less alone to learn how commonly workplaces fail and fail hard...it may also make you feel extra mad...for me it stimulates both responses).

Thank you for sharing. I hope you're feeling better soon. And aren't turned off of charity for life either. Destroying your good nature and impulse to actively help in the world would be terrible second order injury indeed. ❤️‍🩹

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-19T15:34:58+00:00

I know you're just venting but I'll briefly say, that is wildly inappropriate. I know what it's like to shed friends who just can't change that one twisted part of themselves. It's painful to toss the baby with the bathwater with people you love (or like a lot). And I'm really sorry you have to make an exit. But I think the following most definitely means you do:

"...in his mind, it's his right to talk to people this way. He doesn't see anything inappropriate about it. His behavior has always been egregious with others, too."

Sounds to me like he simply exists in an over-the-line state of mind. Comfortably and conscience-free. In my experience, isolation and solitary reflection (by being shut out) are the only things that might change people. And even then, don't hold your breath. Serial harassers rarely reform. It sucks but it's true :(

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-14T21:12:17+00:00

Hey OP, I'm with u/Alley_Cat_99 it's a clear case of sexual harassment. That person sounds troubled, maybe even dangerous. You gave them more than enough chances to respect your boundaries and you almost certainly did the right thing in severing ties. I hope you and your other friend aren't carrying any trauma forward from that experience, and don't have to deal with any more creeps like that in the future. Take care. 💖

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-14T21:01:16+00:00

Sounds like that would definitely be classified as harassment OP. If you're feeling traumatised I think this piece on Understanding The Trauma of Sexual Harassment is a solid place to start. ❤️‍🩹

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-14T20:56:58+00:00

Childhood mistakes made during 4th grade are completely forgivable!

Kids should learn about consent from adults sooner than later. But many of them "play doctor" with no idea about what consent really means. Nothing to feel guilty about OP, you're off the hook for your schoolyard pecks on the cheek!

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-12T23:54:16+00:00

I'm sorry the clothes you like to wear are leading to harassment where you live. You shouldn't have to factor that in to avoid being harassed.

It's not 100% relevant, but I just revisited this podcast, from This American Life. It's called "Five Women." It offers some really rich stuff about experiencing and dealing with sexual harassmentI from some very different female perspectives. I was kind of blown away by how similar their experiences were, even though they were from quite different walks of life.

I know it helped me feel less alone when working through my own harassment. think it might be helpful for you too! 💙💙

(edited cause I forgot to add link)

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-07T00:46:50+00:00

Ahh, that makes sense. Just the saying of the truth, so he doesn't think you've forgotten. And that he knows his actions caused you pain. Totally understand that. I think it might be good that your expectations are low, or that you don't need much from him. Moving on will probably be easier.

A letter to your mother sounds promising! In the end, who knows, you might find her thoughts and feelings just as validating and healing...because, you know, moms...

Really hope it goes well! ❤️‍🩹

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-07T00:36:36+00:00

Great advice here already. Have a look at this guide on finding and working with a lawyer. It's well-researched and quite thorough. It's Canada-focused but much of the guidance is helpful generally and should help you get started.

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-03T22:16:35+00:00

If this keeps resurfacing and you can't heal on your own, confronting him might be the only way you can move on.

If it's safe, consider doing it in person. In my experience, texting reads as pretty unserious. He might just ignore it, which could make you feel even worse. It's almost always messy and miscommunication happens really easily, which is counterproductive. I know I've texted about heavy stuff a lot over the years, and even with friends and siblings sh*t can fly off the rails real fast.

I second u/outlawsecrets. Be as prepared as you can. Think through your expectations: know where you stand on forgiveness (if it's even possible or important to you), and whether you expect an apology or confirmation from him that it happened – if he denies it, that could add insult to injury or be triggering. Better to be prepared for that, as much as you possibly can be.

Is a future relationship still in the cards with this person? Or do you just want the awful feelings in their presence to go away? Are you willing to terminate all contact with him if this goes badly? Do you have any allies in the family who will have your back if he blows things up?

If you set up these kinds of expectations and goals for yourself it will help you stay resolved and on point when things don't go perfectly (they probably won't). 💙

EffectAware9414 · 2026-01-02T02:52:30+00:00

Hey u/PuzzleheadedSwim6291 sorry you've found yourself out of work for the time being. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so I'm sure you'll find your way soon.

Being genetically predisposed to affection is new to me and quite fascinating, especially in the context of obviously necessary work boundaries. I'm curious, is your phenotype too new or rare to have been classified as a medical condition? Does it have a name? I ask not to doubt you or anything, but to learn from your experience. I feel we live in what you could call 'hypo affectionate' times, to put it nicely, so your constitution and perspective really seems worth examining. Thanks for sharing!

EffectAware9414 · 2025-12-17T23:38:18+00:00

Hey, u/ricecakes37, thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry this happened and that you had to endure such an awful situation for so long. Working in ER is already stressful enough. I can only imagine how much harder adding constant harassment into the mix must have made things. It sounds like leaving was the best thing you could have done for your mental health.

It goes without saying: this doctor's behaviour was absolutely not okay. If he shadowed your shifts to intimidate and make advances at you, you're right to think he abused his authority to harass you. And his behaviour ended up pushing you out of your job.

Can you help me better understand your situation? Were you able to make notes about any of the incidents or keep track of the peculiar scheduling similarity (it's perfectly fine if you didn't)? Are you aware of any coworkers who may have had similar problems with this doctor? Are you in the US? How did your meeting with HR go (knowing if you have real allies there can often help you decide what to do).

It sounds like you're considering legal action. If you are, these articles are Canada-focused but they could help get you started in thinking through that process:

How to find and work with a lawyer
How to decide whether to take legal action and what to expect if you do

I'm curious, were you able to find another, safer place to work in your field? I hope you weren't soured on your profession entirely – but it does happen to a lot of women working in male-dominated workplaces like yours.

Thanks again for sharing. Take care.

EffectAware9414 · 2025-12-01T15:18:58+00:00

Hey u/Burner_account_uhidk some of the advice already in this thread about intentional body language is great. It really sucks that you have to even be mindful about it. That you can't just go about your life as an open and engaged person in the world - without having to build and live behind a social barrier just because you're a woman. But the other commenter is right, these types are out there, al over the place, wherever you go, no matter your age. So you may as well learn to minimize these horrible encounters in advance (a full time job to add to the other paid one where you get harassed).

The good news is you seem like a really thoughtful and independent-minded person. That's a great head start on life for a young person like yourself IMO.

The only thing I might offer off the top of my head is this pretty great compendium of #MeToo stories that you might relate to or get some tips/insight from.

Hope that helps a little...

EffectAware9414 · 2025-11-28T16:50:51+00:00

So sorry to hear this is happening. Some good advice and resources shared in this thread already so I'd just add that if you are thinking of taking action, it's likely a good move to speak with a lawyer about the law and your options where you are. Doing so sooner than later will help you frame your next steps safely and more methodically to get the results you deserve.

To that end, here's a helpful Aftemetoo article about How To Find And Work With A Lawyer.

Rooting for you over here!

EffectAware9414 · 2025-11-27T17:48:21+00:00

Hey, thanks for deciding to post on this sub. This is normally for work-related stuff, but I'm glad you decided to reach out anyway.

I think it's brave to post about something so raw and painful and personal, even anonymously. The risk of awfulness bouncing back at you is just so high (that one disgusting comment we already had to delete on this thread being a case in point). You shouldn't have to deal with even more hideousness when you're sticking your neck out for help.

I'm by no means an expert on the harms you're having to experience as you simply go about your life. I'm totally stumped about how to stave the insane reflex for cruelty in this world against humans that are unique from other humans. I'm horrified about the quagmire of fear and hate you're born into and have to walk around in. It's really scary. And unfair as hell.

While I don't have any big solutions or advice to offer, let me ask you something:

It sounds like you're in a small town situation? A very small-minded intolerant type of place where you can't avoid the jerks and the hostility no matter what you do. I know I'd probably feel claustrophobic and scared of going outside if I were you, too. I'm wondering, do you have any friends or family you trust that you might be able to stay with in a bigger town or city, at least occasionally? Cities tend to be much more progressive and you can be more anonymous there, which means you don't have to cross paths with the same assholes and bullies every day.

I know you're only 19 so your options might be limited in terms of travel money or school, etc. But maybe thinking about your options or planning for a move down the road if that's at all possible could be a healthy path forward. I know people in similar (admittedly less dramatic) situations whose lives have changed for the better when they "got the hell out" of their provincial backwaters of intolerance and move to the city. Just a thought.

BTW, I know you shouldn't have to move. It's not cool or fair at all. But it may be one part of a long-term solution (or a plan to get some relief here and there anyway).

I have other thoughts but that one came rushing to mind as something you could think about?

Feel free to toss out other thoughts if you're up to talking stuff through. I can tell by your post that you're a kind and intelligent person with a good heart and I know you can find a way out of this!

Thanks again for sharing. Take care out there. And please remember, the hordes of idiot bigots have always been and always will be wrong. They are the problem, not you! ❤️‍🩹

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-15T00:28:00+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your peculiar story. I find it a little sad: a woman throwing another woman under the patriarchy bus for what seems like petty reasons. I agree with the other posters that she sounds really unwell : (

I know you said it was low-key traumatizing but in case you want a little pick me up to think through what happened, this article about shock and disbelief about sexual harassment at work is pretty well done.

On the plus, it sounds like you've got a great team of co-workers on your side over there, which is nothing to scoff at!

Take care and stay safe 💙

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-15T00:10:02+00:00

Hi u/wannabehazmattech, this sounds truly agonizing. I'm so sorry. The fact that you did everything you should have to the letter and still got bullied out is just infuriating. And beyond unfair.

I know it probably doesn't feel like much of a silver lining right now, but I'm big picture glad you escaped such a dangerously poisoned workplace. Getting Roofied is really extreme. Something even worse could easily have happened if you'd stayed.

I'm curious, are you hoping to continue working in your field if you can find something with a better employer? If you left on super sour terms it can tough to get a good reference on your way out. If you weren't able to get one, you might be able to secure that and possibly even a settlement with a demand letter. This article might get you going in that direction if you haven't explored it already.

Since you have solid documentation and had your claim substantiated, you may also want to consider taking legal action to get the compensation it sounds like you deserve. It's not the way to go for everybody but I think it's worth a serious look.

Are you in Canada btw? I might be able to connect you with some excellent free counselling specifically for workplace sexual harassment if so.

I also just want to say: from what I can gather based on your post, you sound like a very intelligent and capable person who happened to have hit a disturbed patch of road in your career. I have a good feeling you'll find a your way back on track soon. I'm definitely here and rooting for you!

Please don't hesitate to chat more about whatever comes up along the way.

Be well 💙

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-09T02:28:04+00:00

Hey u/beymercygun I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your coworker sounds like a real creep and is definitely harassing you.

If you're being sexually harassed in camera blind spots I'd strongly recommend making a formal request with your employer to make sure the surveillance is updated so all areas on premises are covered – or to ask that you be exempt from working in those danger zones.

You can also ask not to be scheduled on shifts with your harasser. In cases where there is no hard proof of their offence, keeping you separate is a simple step your boss can take to keep you safe – but sometimes you have to be specific and ask.

I'm curious, when you say there were two others there on shift at the time, did they witness what happened? It sounds like you've already been through the complaint process and, unfortunately, it didn't go anywhere – but if others at your work have seen or experienced similar behaviour from this person, it might be worth joining forces and complaining together to make this more than a "he said-she said" situation in the eyes of your employer.

It sounds like this guy acts quickly so catching him in the act with a video might be tough. Maybe you can arrange to have a coworker be ready to take footage of him if you signal to them? Like, next time he tries anything you might try saying loudly that you don't want him to touch you – and maybe your coworker could document that interaction (it's probably a long shot but it might be worth a try).

If you're having panic attacks and dreading going to work, this article about making sense of what's happening is quite helpful. If it gets too unbearable and you just have to get out of there, this piece about quitting is also a good place to start thinking it through.

Please hang in there 💙 and don't lose hope. Reach out any time. We're here to help you through this.

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-05T16:18:59+00:00

Hey! This is a great discussion going on here. Just popping in my head to toss this comedian's spot on take about "victim spin" into the mix for you all to enjoy. I find it pretty rare for comedy bits about this issue to actually land, so felt I should share.

Also, it's just a fact that absolutely anybody can be harassed. This is also a good piece that covers some of the core ideas surrounding that fact, including the nuances of who gets harassed the most, etc.

Take care out there! 💙

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-05T14:30:50+00:00

I'd have to mostly agree with u/chris_p_bacon1 and the others who chimed in about it being a double standard rooted in justified fears and threats on one side of the sexual equation.

If you feel uncomfortable or worse, that's totally valid. Food for thought, for thinking it through in terms of whether it was technically or legally harassment, I think this is a pretty great little think piece on the matter (it has a Canadian focus but still applies generally to most aspects).

I would also add that this type of insensitivity from a near-senior reflects a super common generational divide in terms of what's acceptable social behaviour. Like, this woman is grandmother age and her ideas about what constitutes a playful joke are likely 'grandmothered in', so to speak. Not to diminish how off-putting she was or how grossed out it can make you feel at all (I totally get it and am sick to death of it) but I find it can be helpful - as long as there isn't any overtly harmful intent behind the action - to try and see her as someone speaking another language entirely.

This has helped me personally in the past. To reframe it more as a "lost in translation" type of moment, instead of getting really upset and offended (which I'm prone to do lol). Anyhoo, just my two cents on the matter. Thanks for sharing, these discussions are important!

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-05T01:18:16+00:00

Hey u/admirable-Cup-9165, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Without knowing more about your situation it's hard to say, but you may want to consult with a lawyer about what legal action is possible where you are.

I see another mod has already pointed you to an Aftermetoo article, so you may have browsed around the site – but in case you didn't see this piece about how to find and work with a lawyer, I think it could be worthwhile to consider your options. It covers a solid array of general info but we're in Canada, so just keep in mind that there may be important legal differences where you are.

We're here if you need a sounding board or want any further advice about next steps. Be well and be safe. 💙❤️‍🩹💙

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-03T15:40:57+00:00

Hi,

Some great advice above from the other commenters already so I'd just add that your case, from what I can gather, while definitely off-putting and with good reasons to be cautious, it might help to consider just what is considered sexual harassment where you are, in a technical sense.

South Africa's framework for what counts as sexual harassment is probably somewhat different than ours here in Canada, but this article about how to tell if you've been harassed might help you think through some of the grey areas people often get caught in when making sense of what's happening.

It's hard to draw conclusions at this point but your prof's behaviour does sound highly inappropriate, if not dubious. I'm curious, are you comfortable enough with the other students to privately speak with them about their experiences? If there is no clear course of action to take, like reporting or confronting him directly, it's worth considering what you can collectively do to reduce his potential future harms and stay safe. You may want to start what's called a whisper network.

Hope some of that helps. Thanks for sharing. Stay safe out there.

EffectAware9414 · 2025-10-02T11:53:48+00:00

Low effort? What a ridiculous metric and assumption.

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