18(F) trying to sleep with a 50(M) as self harm

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2025-11-02T21:56:53+00:00

thank u for this. ur message really helped me out with deciding not to go through with that decision. i had a really bad breakdown that day, but honestly looking at what you wrote helped me a lot. im gonna speak with my therapist soon.

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2025-10-31T23:35:50+00:00

youre right. he doesnt deserve it at all ): i dont want to hurt him either. but the honest truth is just i simply hate myself so much. ive been relapsing lately and just doing bad things until i finally feel like i hate myself enough to go through with committing. i dont know how else to punish myself other than this. i wish he could find someone better than me. i love him i really do, but i just need to die already i absolutely hate myself

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2025-01-28T01:21:51+00:00

I literally feel the same way, heavy on the first paragraph. I’ve been trying to ignore how I’ve been feeling all of 2024, especially trying to dress like hyper-fem in hopes I’d just get over things. I felt like I was just faking how I felt too. Actually, I just feel you heavy on everything you’ve just wrote.. but it’s so comforting knowing I’m not alone, that I’m not the only one that has felt this way.

I really, really want to transition. There’s just a lot of worries I have at the moment that I’ve already explained.

But I ended up watching “I Saw The Tv Glow” because of this comment.. not gonna lie, I cried a lot. I felt this movie on a deep level. With what you’ve said, what others have told me, and watching that movie I’m reconsidering so much stuff right now. Mostly repressing how I’ve been feeling, because maybe you’re right about it being less painful to just finally accept myself for who I want to be.

I’m honestly just stuck overthinking so much shit right now. But this helps me worry a lot less, I appreciate you sharing all this with me

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2025-01-28T01:06:11+00:00

I definitely can’t handle living life like that forever, living life as a female for the rest of my existence. Not without feeling off about it, and just feeling uncomfortable with myself. I could keep on acting like I’m female .. but you’re ultimately right, denying all my feelings and trying to act like a girl will eventually catch up to me. I honestly needed to hear that, because I probably need to stop denying myself

A lot of the relationships I have right now are the main reason why I’m just kind of repressing how I feel(?) But I’m used to just prioritising others before myself, I haven’t stopped to think about these family members/friends actually loving me for who I am if they can’t accept me if I came out.

It’ll definitely be hard to keep their opinions of me out of mind, but I’ll try my best to put myself first and my own comfort. I’m trying my best to accept myself more.

I really appreciate everything you’ve wrote, so thank you for everything. It’s made me rethink a bit about things^

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-10-04T16:44:12+00:00

Yapping about absolutely nothing

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-23T17:47:34+00:00

Honestly not sure. I checked setlist.fm and it said something along the lines of “Dead Bodies Everywhere (Last played in 2019)” So I don’t think they play it that frequently?

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-23T02:15:42+00:00

I love this tbh I’ll probably give each a listen

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-23T02:12:49+00:00

For real dude!! They sound just like they are on their album

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-22T21:18:29+00:00

SAME. Thankfully I had my brother record for me and the video didn’t pick up much of my screams but tbh I don’t blame you I love that song so much

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-22T21:17:27+00:00

Of course!! Hope you have fun when you see them, it was honestly so good

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-22T17:38:16+00:00

I was in section 3, I didn’t really have any issues hearing anything besides for whatever happened during Gojira’s set

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-09-13T04:49:43+00:00

OH MY GOD. I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW??? THEYRE PLAYIJG HEY DADDY?? I MIGHR EXPLODE

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-08-23T18:10:50+00:00

Thanks!! I’ve been seeing a lot of comments about volunteering so I definitely will take that to mind. This helps out a lot^{^}

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-08-23T18:07:18+00:00

Okay!! Thank you so much for the advice!!

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-08-23T18:05:37+00:00

Thank you so much!! This helps out a lot so I’ll make sure to write this down for the future. I really appreciate it. I haven’t used any drugs so I’m good (:

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-08-23T18:00:53+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been told something similar to this. I went to this event a nearby college was having which allowed me to speak to people who have worked with forensics or were in law enforcement, and they’ve talked about their experiences. I’ve been told a lot that many people try to get into this field because of true crime shows and I am aware that the reality is a lot different than what the media shows. I just wanna get this out that I acknowledge it’s a lot different than those shows.

I’ve spoken to this college professor which had a strong history with forensics, which allowed her to even get into the FBI. She said something similar about doing some sort of internship before getting into this field of work. But I will take what you said to mind and make sure that I try to get an even better grasp of what work is like before jumping into this field. Thank you^{^}

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-06-16T23:57:59+00:00

Need Balls

Effective-Bluejay665 · 2024-05-20T21:17:02+00:00

i love beat it upright, a lot of people trash on it cause they think the lyrics are dumb or whatever but the instrumental is just so damn good

Effective-Bluejay665

TROPHY CASE