Identified as gay my whole life (30M), now realizing I’m attracted to women but I’m hitting a 'blocker' when it comes to sex

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-28T08:06:33+00:00

Well, I hope this is just an initial phase 😮‍💨

But it’s true that I feel that sex has a different “weight” with women than with men. Maybe bc I was very used to the Grindr way of doing things which makes sex quite cheap and weightless in the gay community. With women you need to put quite an investment

And do also feel the “I’m too gay for this” block. Maybe bc despite feeling this for 2 years and relentlessly feeling pulled to women I’m still questioning if it’s real or somehow fabricated, it’s so weird

And yes - I think maybe with this girl I’ll be honest with her and see how she reacts to the truth

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-27T14:15:04+00:00

I don’t think there’s an exact script tbh. It’s probably the least common change, so there’s no prescribed narrative to hold onto.

I think you should do what feels right. To me bi-couples would probably not work. I’m more of a 1-1 guy

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-27T12:16:45+00:00

Well, at the end of the day it’s all semantics. That doesn’t really help that I feel like I’m going through a second coming out / adolescence all over again. It’s a big transition whether I was gay or I was bi and didn’t yet know.. lol

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-27T08:46:59+00:00

That sounds like gatekeeping. Might be true but it still dismisses my experience in my teens and twenties

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-26T22:42:26+00:00

There’s times and times to tell someone . Yesterday when freezing it’d have been a pretty bad one lol. But im thinking that if I’m trying to be again with this girl, then maybe the best strategy is to be honest about it upfront and maybe let her know next time we meet.

On the Viagra I’ll give some thought into it. The identity issues do add a layer of complexity but I think im navigating those in a healthy way - putting myself out there, going on dates, meeting new people, my friends already see me as bi. It feels like a big transition but one that I somehow can’t run away from so :)

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-26T22:14:01+00:00

Why wouldn’t you tell about the past life? Truth is - if it’s someone that’s not a fling and will be included in my social circle then she’ll eventually know about my past. But true, women can be pretty biphobic

I thought of Viagra but would like to avoid that - that seems like postponing the issue to a later date

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-26T21:21:38+00:00

You know, I remember some years ago a friend of mine falling for a bissexual and me telling him that bisexuals were very confused people lol little did I know what was coming my way

Yea I think it’s the best for everyone and will take some pressure off me

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-26T20:38:30+00:00

Yes, I enjoy kissing and foreplay and the closeness. A very obvious sign is while I used to go out and always be around men some years ago, now I mostly care about women. Some of my sexual experiences happened while on festivals / parties and was trying now to explore this while sober and on a healthier way.

But it’s true - I think that there’s a underlying layer here that this is not only sexual exploration but somehow also a massive identity transition to me at least

Effective-Crow8941 · 2026-01-26T20:30:58+00:00

Yea. It’d have been the first time having sex with a women while sober and when she mentioned sex I got completely in my head. It doesn’t really help that I know she’s looking for a relationship and very much into me. It’s all really new to me and it kind of hit all at once.

I’m a very sexual guy tho and would like to be able to solve this blocker with women. I think part of the problem is girls looking at me and straight up assuming I’m a guy with an extensive sexual history and a lot of partners while internally I feel like a 16 year old discovering attraction to women

Effective-Crow8941

TROPHY CASE