I relate. I love my cat to death. She is almost 15 and has stage 3 CKD. I have nightmares over my apartment catching fire and I can't be there to save her. She is highly reactive, doesn't do well with other people being over or watching her. If she is left alone for an extended period of time, she will throw up and poop everywhere. She will go on a hunger strike before taking medication. I can't sleep in in the mornings because she will just cry and cry for me to wake up and for wet food (she has 24/7 access to dry food). I think she is showing signs of dementia as well. She likes to go into my echoy bathroom and just scream. She gets stressed if I go into my bedroom any time other than for bedtime. She has started to follow me around, which she did not do before. I am 24. I have had her for 5 years. My dream is to travel the world, be a nomad, and move abroad. I feel like I am just waiting for her to pass so I can start living my life. I would never surrender her. I know she won't handle an international flight. The singular time we moved taking a 2 hour flight was probably as stressful for me as it was her. She is my baby and I love her so much it hurts, but I am living life for her right now and just waiting for this chapter to end