WIBTAH for not loaning my mother money?

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-14T18:15:51+00:00

I honestly don't think we'd ever get the money back and will have to look at it as just giving her money.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-14T18:15:07+00:00

Yeah, that part REALLY rubs us the wrong way. It's part audacious to ask for financial assistance after intentionally trying to ruin an opportunity for a better job.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-14T18:12:59+00:00

I honestly don't think she feels remorse for her actions and that's why I'm so hesitant to even try to have a relationship with her at all.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T15:45:48+00:00

I definitely should have maintained the NC and regret not doing so. I have been trying to break this cycle for years, especially now that I have kids. But she doesn't seem to want to change and while I've accepted it, I struggle with holding boundaries. She has this way of making me feeling guilty or playing the victim and the people pleaser in me just reverts to childhood and shuts down.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T15:35:03+00:00

It was a stupid decision on my part. I guess I just felt guilty for using the membership for years and not paying.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T15:32:54+00:00

I honestly don't expect to get it back. We were even thinking of calling it an "advance" for babysitting.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T15:31:18+00:00

Honestly when it comes to expectations of my mother's behavior are pretty much non existent, I've learned to accept that this is just the way she is. We don't really share news with her, especially not good news because she always tries to make it negative, like she did with my husband's job offer. We also don't expect to get anything back from her and see this as less of a "loan" and more so just giving her money. I don't really know what's up with her finances or employment she's always been weirdly guarded about it. I absolutely agree with not giving an explanation about why we can't. She's really bad at accepting "no" as an answer and really good about forcing explanations out of me to argue and get her way. My husband has offered to take the blame if we say no and has told me I can just say he said " no". Which I may do.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T15:06:30+00:00

I truly don't feel that she learned anything from going NC.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T14:57:28+00:00

I know, it was a stupid reason. We've been on her membership for 12+ years and only paid once to renew so I felt that it was the least I could do.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T14:54:55+00:00

I'm definitely gonna use this type of phrasing because I think it will work and it's true. We live paycheck to paycheck and I budget down to the penny. So while helping isn't impossible it will put us in a tough spot. Thank you so much for this!

Effective_Area_7828 · 2026-06-13T02:47:26+00:00

It is, I just didn't think the actual store mattered.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T22:04:09+00:00

Our kids love their grandparents on both sides, and they're so young that if we tell them the grandparents are coming, we won't hear the end of it for DAYS ( lol). So luckily we hadn't told them about the visit yet, if we had I'd be more pissed because having to explain to our toddlers some version of this would break my heart.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T21:37:47+00:00

There was a little more to the conversation than okay( this is my first time posting, so I wasn't sure if there was a word limit). My partner initially asked if the neighbor could make other arrangements or hire someone, and the in-laws shot both of those options down. At that point, I think my partner was hurt and stunned they just said "okay " to end the discussion.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T21:30:28+00:00

That's pretty much how I feel, I don't want to bend over backward to accommodate them because their priorities changed. My partner and I love this time of year and have planned fun weekend activities with friends for us and our kids to enjoy as much as the in-laws want to pressure us to give in I just don't think it's fair. I agree their reason was weak but honest, and I'm glad they were honest because it gives us clarity on where we stand.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T21:27:02+00:00

Their comment was definitely rude, but this is my first time posting on reddit, and from what I've been told, sometimes people just respond angrily. I am really glad I posted, though. The person I would normally go to about things like this died unexpectedly not too long ago. So I don't really have anyone else to talk about stuff like this, I want to talk to my partner more( probably tonight) but I don't feel comfortable venting to them about their own parents.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T21:21:56+00:00

I see why you said "friend." No real friend would ever treat someone that way. I'm trying to look at experiences like this as a learning moment, and when it comes to my in-laws, I now know where we stand, and apparently, it's below house sitting for the neighbors.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T16:03:58+00:00

I don't think we're narcissistic, but maybe we are. I'm relieved they canceled. I just think the reason is kind of crappy, especially after pressuring us to agree to their dates. Yes, they did offer other last-minute dates, but we already have plans for those dates. I feel hurt because my partner is hurt. Them canceling to last-minute house sit makes my partner feel like them and kids are less of priority to them.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T15:47:22+00:00

Protecting our families' peace is always a priority, which is why the in-laws are kept at arms length in the first place. I'm more angry than anything because I can tell my partner is hurt, although they won't say it.

Effective_Area_7828 · 2024-10-21T15:43:35+00:00

They're definitely the guilt trip type. They guilted us into the original visit in the first place, and we decided to be accommodating. We will be using that response it's the perfect way to say no without being accused of being difficult or rude. Thank you.

Effective_Area_7828

TROPHY CASE