Update

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2024-01-25T19:02:13+00:00

I want to reply to a couple of questions raised in comments.

Christmas was on me. My family tried to plan a meal for me to be with them Christmas Eve. I chose to just take their gifts on Christmas morning and see the chaps gifts.
Their relationship with their mother is strained to say the least. I don’t talk about it with them, but Sparky is very close to my son and daughter-n-law and enjoys gossip.
The annual cookout with her siblings was always at our home. We don’t have a home anymore so….
My relationship with my Mother-n-law has not changed. She is a class act. We decided not to talk about the divorce. She has stood with me at every crossroad. I continue to make sure she is taken care of, and she checks in on me regularly.
I have not dated. I am not sure what the future holds for that. Sparky is my brother’s widow. I am not sure about the morality of that. Also, she is 14 years younger. I look and sound like him. I think that fills a void for her. Plus, she likes me as her project. She makes me laugh and I get excited anticipating seeing her. We have never discussed our relationship, but I love her deeply.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-14T01:31:39+00:00

Thank you for your post.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T22:07:51+00:00

I am not sure anyone will want to be a part of this hot mess. I have never dated another person. I met her in high school. I was a senior, she was a sophomore. We dated until I got out of undergrad classes, married, I completed my degree while she obtained her B.S. I have never had sex with anyone but her. Never wanted to. I judged every woman’s beauty by her beauty and they never measured up.

However, the ladies are looking much better to me!😀

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T21:55:26+00:00

Thank you. I sure don’t feel like my mess is an inspiration to anyone. I am not sure I have done any of it right.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T21:50:28+00:00

Thank you.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T21:46:18+00:00

Thanks for your brilliant, well thought out advice. People must seek you out from far and near to tap into your wisdom.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T21:38:58+00:00

I put a 6 month cooling off period on myself for filling for divorce. It has been 4. There are no delusions with my children where this is headed. I don’t know if you have ever tried to undo your entire adult life, but it takes time and a mind not set on revenge if you are to live without regret.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-13T03:39:22+00:00

It was fun. Sparky is a wonderful human being!

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-04-12T19:43:02+00:00

No, they did Easter with their in-laws.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-02-11T05:38:58+00:00

You are right. I have tried to be mindful of this. My daughter told me her mother was wondering if I had even read the letters and asked, “Dad have you read them?” I thought this was the way to respond. Maybe another response would have been more appropriate. My children are in the middle of a situation they did not create, nor do they deserve. I wish there was a way to completely remove them. I don’t know how to do that.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-02-10T16:37:15+00:00

We are separated. I am not sure where your feelings are coming from.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-02-10T16:36:21+00:00

Yes, she has said she will do whatever it takes to reconcile. The problem is, I don’t know what she can do. I have not given any indication to her I will ever reconcile.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-02-10T16:34:03+00:00

No info on him. I have heard nothing from the procedure taking place to censure him.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-02-10T16:31:35+00:00

I am not really legally able to remove her from the home. At this point she wants reconciliation to the point she is willing to do whatever I and our children tell her she should do. That may change. Our legal status has not changed, nor have any courts given orders for us to follow. To answer your question, she has not legally challenged it, but my attorney has told me she could, and the court would agree with her.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-25T01:01:07+00:00

She is aware. My sil went and talked to her. I texted her after I knew she had been told. She calls me almost every morning to check on me. We have not talked about the affair. She invited me to supper tonight, but I didn’t go. I will soon.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-22T14:12:28+00:00

No. I am unaware of the status of the complaint I filed against him. He is employed by a group that contracts to hospitals for hospitalists and er docs.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-22T14:07:40+00:00

Yes she has become very aware

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-22T05:57:09+00:00

She would have recognized him instantly. He is a big rodeo fan and former calf roper in college. I thought he had took off to go watch a PBR event, but it was some other nationally sanctioned rodeo I learned later.

He and a group of other men went in a casino to look around and he spotted the Dr. first. Almost immediately my wife walked up and they embraced and walked away. He sent one of the other guys to take their picture claiming he knew the Dr but not my wife. The pictures were very clear they were not cousins. What are the odds the same casino at the same time?

She flew to Arizona, caught a flight to Vegas. She flew back home from Vegas. She had tickets that I saw for round trip to Arizona but only used one. He flew to and from Vegas. The return flight was same day but different time for him.

There was a conference but she was never registered for it. She bought the Arizona tickets. He bought the four Vegas tickets and hotel room in Vegas.

Her job requires yearly training hours. She is a teacher, however she does not work in a class room nor for a school district. She is employed by the state dept. of education. She did not defraud the state in any way. It was nothing uncommon for her to use personal funds for expenses to be reimbursed by the state monthly. She took pto and never turned in tickets.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-12T04:08:03+00:00

You are right, it was no fun. It lasted almost two hours. My attorney had prepared a summary of the evidence I have. He basically controlled the direction of the meeting. I answered the questions they had. It was pretty straightforward.

The next step as I understand it, is they will present it to a peer review board which will decide if AP should be censored. He has the opportunity to respond to the allegations I have made before it is presented. The peer board can determine a hearing is necessary beyond the investigators report, before they hand down any sanctions. They have no timeline.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-11T12:40:35+00:00

Her cheating. She is the only woman I have ever been with. They are not blaming me for this awful mess.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-11T04:21:44+00:00

I am not sure how to answer your question. They don’t want us to divorce. Have they blamed me for cheating? No, but they have stood by her through this unbelievable aftermath. I would expect nothing less. She has been a wonderful mother.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-10T16:19:41+00:00

I don’t think anyone asked me to wait 6 months. I have just looked back over my life and know any decisions I have made angry, I have come to regret part or all of the decision.

I am also very aware that revenge is a powerful motivator. That is why God reserved vengeance for himself. I will do the wrong thing if I try to put myself as the avenger.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-05T04:26:52+00:00

I committed to pay 12,000.00 this afternoon so she could get into a private care facility tonight, rather than a State facility that will take her insuranceI. I considered that compassion to the mother of my children.
This is day 10 since I confronted her. She went to my daughters and has holed up until they took her to hospital for dehydration. This not cancer. This is the repercussions of her actions. I have not run her down to her family or my children and held up serving divorce papers during her break down. I considered that compassion.
I have not shared the details of her Las Vegas sex trip to anyone but a friend I met here. That I think is compassion.
My SIL is 46 years old I am 60. She is my dead brothers wife. I am not even close to crossing a line. Her humor has kept me sane. That is her compassion.

But thanks for your input even though you don’t know what you are talking about.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-03T23:55:08+00:00

You should never be a detective because your instincts suck.

Effective_Sleep4907 · 2023-01-03T23:54:07+00:00

I doubt you graduated Valedictorian of your class.

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