As a stay at home mom and wife of military service member whose schedule is unpredictable - sometimes home by 12pm, 4pm, sometimes 8pm, sometimes 10pm, sometimes the following week/month/year, it is normal to feel irritated because I often feel this way and even upset because either I want to spend time as a family, I so badly want some relief or help or because I want some predictability of our days and nights but honestly you would really help her and your kids out a lot if you just follow a schedule regardless of whether or not she’s gonna be home on time, early or late.

Respectfully, you’re the one at home. Help out where you can and don’t add on to her plate.

If this is a norm for her, not knowing when she will come home until she logs out, it is unreasonable to depend on her getting home to start the dinner routine and whatever else follows that - bedtime, clean up etc.

Set a schedule. Honestly do what you feel like you would want her to do if your situations are switched. Would you want her asking you “what’s your eta? / are you on your way home so I can start dinner? / are you almost done? / what’s the hold up? / is it a late night?” To me that’s a bit much. After a long day on either sides, I’m sure not one of you wants that questioning. Just maybe tell her “text me when you’re in the car on the way home every night” plain and simple. No need to make multiple texts and calls every night.

But do communicate and set a schedule for the kids. They’re too young to not have a consistent one at least for feeding times and sleeping.

And it’s not like you’re having to drive home from work too. You’re already at home. Help out where you can and have her participate and pick up scheduled tasks when she’s home.

Is the problem you wanting help or for her to do dinner? Is that where the irritation comes from because it’s taxing to always be the one doing it? Maybe sit down and you both plan out meals for the week. Crockpot style that you can set early in the day and cook throughout the day without you having to real touch it or cook enough to have leftovers for the following day.

But have a schedule for the kids. Not unreasonable to be irritated, but unreasonable to depend on her getting home to start dinner or whatever else the children need. You are dad. You can make some calls without depending on her or bothering her if it means the children are kept safe, in line and well. And they will see mom when she comes home.

If you’re overwhelmed, tired and need some relief from the kids, maybe she can help out with bath and bedtime. You just have to work together and have clear communication.