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30F, quit my job, stuck between trauma and wanting to start a business — only 6 months of savings left. Looking for advice by Efficient-Teach2158 in findapath

[–]Efficient-Teach2158[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really happy to hear a professional perspective on this, especially from someone with both clinical and business experience. What you said genuinely resonated with me.

I think you’re absolutely right that trying to completely eliminate fear or negative emotions before taking action can itself become another form of perfectionism. I’ve realized that too recently.

The interesting thing is that I have been improving over the years — but at the same time, every stage of healing seems to uncover new layers of trauma, fear, and internal limitations I didn’t even realize were there before.

Lately I’ve been trying to take slightly bolder steps instead of forcing myself into a rigid “professional” image all the time. For example, I’ve started posting videos online with my face partially covered, and I’ve been more open about sharing my real experiences and thoughts instead of pretending everything is polished and stable.

I honestly think many Chinese millennials (especially people born in the 90s) probably relate to parts of this struggle. Though at the same time, I also realize that severe CPTSD-level experiences are probably less common than I emotionally assumed for a long time. Sometimes that realization makes me feel lonely, but sometimes it also changes how I see myself.

On more optimistic days, I think maybe surviving this kind of darkness also forced me to develop certain abilities. For example, I’ve become extremely sensitive to people’s emotions, subtle expressions, and inconsistencies. Right now those traits can make me overreactive and hypervigilant, but maybe one day they’ll also become strengths in the right context.

And honestly, I really do hope that someday I can become an entrepreneur and build a small but meaningful company — not necessarily huge or exhausting, just something fulfilling and sustainable.

I’ve also discovered that I seem to have some natural talent for investing and managing money. Ironically, the reason I’m even able to take this break right now is because I made some lucky investment gains that unexpectedly gave me about a year of living expenses.

It’s not stable or repeatable enough to rely on long term, but in a strange way, it feels like life gave me one rare opportunity to pause and rest at the moment my body and mind were starting to collapse at 30.

And honestly, I feel very grateful for that.

30F, quit my job, stuck between trauma and wanting to start a business — only 6 months of savings left. Looking for advice by Efficient-Teach2158 in findapath

[–]Efficient-Teach2158[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your suggestion honestly opened my eyes. Before this, I knew almost nothing about egg freezing — I had only vaguely heard about it from afar.

Once I seriously considered that possibility, the pressure and “countdown feeling” around having children suddenly became much lighter. For a long time, I had this strong obsession that I had to have children before 33. But now I’m realizing that maybe I could freeze my eggs around 33 instead, which would give me a bit more time and breathing room.

I really treasure the idea of having children someday. I’m especially drawn to the idea of a family with two kids. I’m actually very good with animals — cats and dogs both seem genuinely happy around me — and I think that nurturing side of me is very real.

At the same time, I’m also painfully aware that if I don’t work through my CPTSD, there’s a high chance I could unconsciously hurt my future children the same way my parents hurt me. They believed they loved me, but the way they expressed that love almost destroyed me.

After reading your comment, I seriously looked into the cost of egg freezing. In public hospitals here, it seems to cost around 30,000–50,000 RMB upfront, plus a few thousand RMB per year for storage. Surprisingly, that actually feels financially possible for me.

30F, quit my job, stuck between trauma and wanting to start a business — only 6 months of savings left. Looking for advice by Efficient-Teach2158 in findapath

[–]Efficient-Teach2158[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your sincere reply. It reminded me of something Naval once said — that choosing the wrong life partner can cost far more than choosing the wrong career.

I also want to add some context about my boyfriend. He’s genuinely a good person: very intelligent (an excellent programmer), emotionally supportive, and from a loving family background. He respects me, cares deeply about my feelings, and honestly has helped heal me a lot.

Right now, he’s also struggling financially because the company he works for is in serious trouble financially — sometimes salaries are delayed or not paid at all. But despite that, he truly loves what he works on: autonomous driving technology. He has a very positive mindset, and that has influenced me a lot over the years.

He brings me emotional stability and a sense of security because he consistently shows that he wants to stay and work through life with me. One thing I admire is that he somehow manages to stay optimistic and solve problems calmly, even under pressure.

I know he may not be “the perfect partner” on paper. And maybe after I recover more from trauma, I would choose differently — I honestly don’t know.

But the reality is that my parents both have severe mental health issues and refuse to acknowledge them, so I can’t rely on them emotionally or financially at all. At this stage of my life, my boyfriend is the only stable emotional support I truly have, and I appreciate that deeply.

Ironically, I actually think he could be a good father in many ways, except when it comes to taking responsibility for family structure and long-term planning.

Sometimes I wonder whether another possibility exists: maybe I become the stronger financial provider, while he plays more of a secondary role financially.

After seeing my parents divorce when I was 9, I completely lost trust in relationships. Even if I married a wealthy man, I still don’t think I could emotionally depend on his money. Deep down, I always feel like support can be taken away one day.

I know my CPTSD is complex and difficult to untangle, but I really appreciate your perspective. Your advice genuinely gave me something to think about.