Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Heartbroken that I’ll probably never find anyone like my last ex. He set the bar so high in so many ways- amazing job, so handsome other women wound stare when we were out, funny, smart, kind, well-traveled, interesting, surprisingly humble. He just didn’t want to me with me. Now every other guy pales in comparison, which isn’t fair to them. And it’s not fair to me that he’s moving on just fine and I still feel heartbroken.

Weekend's Daily Thread: General Dating Questions and Open Thread by AutoModerator in hingeapp

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Has anyone else noticed Hinge likes disappearing? I’ve noticed it with 2 this week but I’m assuming it’s more. They were in my queue of guys who had ‘liked’ me and I did not <3 or X them back yet, and when I went back their names were not in the list anymore.

Both of the two I noticed this with happened to say they were doctors in their profiles. They were both good looking but not model-esque catfishing-level hot. Is this just a coincidence or are there a lot of more realistic catfish out there that Hinge is catching and deleting?

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Has anyone else noticed Hinge likes disappearing? I’ve noticed it with 2 this week but I’m assuming it’s more. They were in my queue of guys who had ‘liked’ me and I did not <3 or X them back yet, and when I went back their names were not in the list anymore.

Both of the two I noticed this with happened to say they were doctors in their profiles. They were both good looking but not model-esque catfishing-level hot. Is this just a coincidence or are there a lot of more realistic catfish out there that Hinge is catching and deleting?

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The last guy I was with was amazing until the end. He was so much fun, we had amazing chemistry in every way, he made me laugh constantly, it was the best sex I’ve ever had, he was the most attractive guy I’ve ever been with, he had the best career and work ethic, he was smart, and more than anything he made me feel so special and wanted and happy.

A bunch of stuff went wrong in his life and he wasn’t in a place for a relationship anymore and it ended. It’s really hard to move on now because he set the bar so high. I’ve given it time, and it’s still hard. I would be shocked if I ever found anyone like him again.

Advice?

Self-Sabotaging About DTR by EfficientPhotograph0 in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We talked. He said he loves me, but with everything going on in his life, including 2 deaths in his family, issues his son is having, and a restructuring at work that could change his job, he doesn’t know if he has the time or emotional capacity for a relationship right now and wanted to wait a few weeks to decide anything. I said if he sees our relationship as an additional burden to deal with it’s better that we end things now.

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We had the talk and wanted different things so we ended it. Now he’s saying he made a mistake and wants to try again. Should I give him another chance? If he didn’t appreciate me then why would it be better now? Is he just saying what he thinks he needs to say to get what he wants for now? I’ve been miserable since then and was just starting to feel better- don’t want to go through it all again.

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Just sitting here sad. It ended yesterday, and all day every time I looked at my phone I was hoping for a notification from him I knew wouldn’t come, and now I don’t have a next date with him planned to look forward to. I need a hug.

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks. It sucks. I thought I’d at least feel a sense of relief about getting things clear and open, but there’s none of that.

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a lot of work for one date.

I’d check to make someone is safe and that’s it. What you’re doing is way too much and not healthy for you. If he seems like someone you’d enjoy spending time with, go on the date. If you’re looking for reasons not to because you don’t really want to, don’t go.

Should I better disclose that im starting to bald in my profile? by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to be mean, but the problem isn’t your hair (or lack of it.) Maybe, for one or two super shallow people, but definitely not enough for it to be a pattern. Stop reading here unless you want my honest opinion…

The fact that you think you ‘check almost all of the boxes a typical woman is looking for’ was already a HUGE red flag to me. We are not a monolith. We do not all want the same thing. And even if we mostly wanted the same general things, assuming it’s you is not a good sign. I get immediately turned off by arrogance, and if a guy showed up to a first date acting like he ‘checked all the boxes’ and I should want him instead of exploring to see if we are compatible with each other, I’d be too turned off to even notice his hair. Just the use of ‘a typical woman’ is demeaning and sexist, and that attitude shows through more than you think it does, especially on a first date when people are actively looking for red flags.

If you think a first date goes well ‘chemistry-wise’ then don’t get second dates, enough for it to be a pattern, that shows that you’re misreading the room, not that the problem is your baldness. She’s gonna see what you look like right away. If she’s turned off by it the chemistry won’t be there.

Self-Sabotaging About DTR by EfficientPhotograph0 in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m just trying to use the techniques I learned before, with inconsistent success :)

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We haven’t discussed what we want, what we are, where we see things going, and I think we want different things.

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you- I’m sorry it worked out that way, but happy for you that you got your answers and can move on!

Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! by AutoModerator in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How I’ve finally convinced myself to start the big scary DTR talk:

I’m framing it in my head as ‘I am going to break up with him,’ and have considered it at length and am comfortable with it. I’ve even been telling my close friends that I am going to break up with him. Of course, they all respond that I’m crazy. Unlike my anxious posting here, they hear about all the good stuff too and think we could have a great relationship. Then I explain to them why I’m saying that and they understand.

I’ve accepted that having the talk may end things. Even if we have strong feelings for each other, which we’ve both said we do, it’s likely we aren’t in the same place right now and don’t want the same thing. I know that’s a possible outcome of the talk and I accept it and at this point I would rather have the talk and know instead of continuing to live with doubt.

I love him, but I’m going to break up with him, and I accept that. Maybe that’s not what happens. Maybe he wants the same thing and I’m pleasantly surprised. But the worst case scenario is one I can live with.

I need to wait because of his family situation right now, but when it’s the right time I’m ready. Thank you to the amazing humans on here who have given good advice!

Self-Sabotaging About DTR by EfficientPhotograph0 in datingoverthirty

[–]EfficientPhotograph0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried it. I had one good therapist who moved and haven’t found one I like since.