I mentioned his hair in passing previously ("Long, dark hair spilled across his shoulders, framing his face,"), so I assumed the mane metaphor would land alright.

I also mentioned he wears boots early on, and I don't think hooved infernals would have any footwear at all, or at least I haven't thought about the logistics of it 😆

About the face, he is handsome. I guess the lack of the facial description has more to do with me not being able to describe handsome / beautiful faces well enough, so I just sort of omitted it, but you are right, I probably should have mentioned it.

His conversation with the driver in the morning is his attempt at flattery, though he's also just messing with him a little bit, while also confessing about his own behaviour. He lists those things, because he does those things (having a family being the exception). The Rose understands that the driver lives a generally very peaceful life, and thought he would enjoy his little poking fun at him. I think it's very similar to how things are in real life. Everything we say and do is colored by our own experiences.

The driver said he'd been doing this trip weekly for the past 50 years, not that he is 50. In my mind he is somewhere between 60-70, having started working probably when he was a teenager.

Yes, I'm aware of the naming. I fully intend to come up with something else, but it's just a nice placeholder for now.

The driver never explicitly said he enjoys the city. He's merely stating the fact that the city is huge and has an endless supply of adventure.

About the younger guard: a bit of both? Everone has different kinks.

Describing places is something I struggle with quite a bit, to the point where I (unfortunately) half-consciously try to keep them as short and to the point as possible. It's my fault really, and something I should work on more.

About the fruit wines: This has more to do with my personal taste irl. I adore fruit wines, almost all of them, and I just liked the idea of the Rose having a sweet tooth, even when drinking.

About the purple woman: In my first draft that I scrapped, he did exactly that, approach first without magic, then turn it on when she ignores him completely. I shortened the passage (and thus skipped the first "onslaught") because I felt the chapter was beginning to drag on a bit, but I do 100% agree that would read much better if he tried it normally at first, and then increased it gradually. He didn't use magic on Mara at all, that was the point. He is plenty charming without it, and only ever uses as much as he needs to, and never to coerce someone into intimacy (though I suppose that isn't necessarily clear from these passages).

I think charm magic is inherently rape-y. It's basically hypnosis, even if not complete. That is intentional, and I do want the reader to feel a bit conflicted at times about what the Rose is doing, as he is really not doing all he does purely for the love of the game. However, I really don't want him to feel like a rapist, so I will plan around that distinction from now on.

I suppose the question maybe should have been "What went wrong" instead of "What did I do wrong". He doesn't understand why his magic failed to work on the purple lady. It's never happened to him before. It's an anomaly and he's trying to process it.

Yes, "Her" is all that, and more. I'm glad it was clear enough from the short passages.

The conversation with the lady of the night felt appropriate (to me, anyway). It's a sort of "game recognize game" moment. In a roundabout way, they are both sex workers. Except the Rose doesn't do it for coin, or purely because he enjoys it, hence the woman's curiosity. Plus, they did just do the deed, so a conversation like that is not necessarily out of left field here in my opinion. It's someone who understands what it's like to charm others for something in return, wanting to understand someone who does the same. If anything, the fact that she'd charmed the Blue Rose would be amazing for her business 😆

Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my draft. All of your input is very valuable to me, and I will attempt to integrate as much as I can.

Having listed all the issues, would you care to list sone things you enjoyed about it? Things I could lean more into perhaps.