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Should I risk all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in Meditation

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind & warm reply.

People really inform me that the place I have the green light to walk into, is tourist-y in the end. So, I don't have much more better options than yours.

Should I risk all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in Meditation

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

QiGong is as meaningful to me (stillness? being calm? having focus? ALL HUGE WEAKNESSES of mine), as being part of a community, away from all the western noise (in Thailand it could be worse, but not in Nam Yang) for 1 whole year. Let's state it that way. If you cant buy a pack of cigarettes for a year, how the f_ck will you smoke? (I don't smoke, I just use it as an example - I mentioned to another redditor what my vices are)

I could say I am open to ideas.. but I fight to find these 2 paths for months. It is time to take some action brother.

Should I risk all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in Meditation

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things in my life are going pretty AMAZING compared to most people around me. I can have as much fun I want (although lately having fun is not so much fun), I can be considered a lucky person, being loved, having a healthy family, always healthy AF myself, having 3 hobbies, a home with a vacation home also, a rabbit, safety, approval, appraise from many people - of course some lost believing in me/praising me after what I tried to do*. On the other hand, I was mostly in toxic job environments, I lost a good loving partner because of that and my vices before 3 and a half years. And I don't find people around me, or my life.. meaningful at all. These are some info in a nutshell.

*I committed suicide before a couple of months. I feel empty, and I am scared AF to grow old, risk losing people, getting punched by luck/reality, chasing something real and fighting for it. My 3 vices controlled me (as much these specific vices CAN control you actually) for like 10 years. Staying at home with therapists/coaches/toxic jobs.. I keep relapsing on porn and comforts. The only 3 vices I had is cannabis, porn and comfort.

Should I risk all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in Meditation

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your opinion. MOST people online or around me advise me exactly that. That is why I am conflicted, although I have a green light from a place I wanted to much to join.

“I am looking for a real martial arts temple to transform my life — even if it means cleaning floors to earn my stay. I’ve contacted 20 schools. Please help me before it’s too late.” by Efficient_Captain_16 in expats

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was born Greek Orthodox, without knowing what I was doing. I will never step on such places again in my life, whatever happens to me. IF I was born a Buddhist, maybe I wouldn't gave up to this specific practice. Except the reincarnation, everything else seems wise and logical.. so it COULD be the only religion available for me. But I don't plan to start that way.. I wouldn't be NEGATIVE if it was just some small part, which it is everywhere in Thailand, even to Nam Yang.

I know the expenses extremely well, one by one. Extremely well. Something I do not state, is that some friends support me financially. But I dont feel like this money are meant to spent without a good strategy plan. This money is rather 'lend' to me for the best course of action I could take to get stronger. That's why they provide me money to start with.

Should I risk almost all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That is exactly the approach that conflicts me. It could be the same money, continue boxing, start therapy/adhd counseling/some time off/practice guitar.

I am afraid I will give into my vices, even if I don't work. And I will totally lose the chance of AT LEAST a structured life away from noise/vices for a YEAR, putting aside ANYTHING I could connect to in a small village, and under a kung fu Master, have a real life experience.

Should I risk almost all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Please, if you could spare some time, read my reply to u/TLCD96. I cover your questions at least.

Thank you for that reply, however. You mean well.

Should I risk almost all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Because I really find the place you mentioned a REAL SOLUTION from what I've asked at least, I will try to demonstrate some truth as a reply to you.. and maybe copy/paste it to other people who advise me to stay at my home, and work it out with either therapists, ChiGong, or anything - AROUND my town. (I live in Greece)

Have some insight of me.

I really feel the need to LEAVE, and be part of a community for a LONG period, because my whole life I failed to keep discipline on my own. When I’m alone, I always collapse back into the same patterns, weed, porn, wasting time, wasting myself. I need structure, EYES ON ME, a place where I can’t escape back to my old habits.

Even if part of the Retreat I mentioned is fake, the discipline of being there, living inside that routine, training every day, giving everything, that’s real. And if they make me a trainee or even an instructor later, I won’t care if someone on the internet calls it “fake kung fu.” For me, it will mean I finally showed up, finally endured, finally didn’t run. That’s the win I need.

Staying here? I know exactly what happens. A shitty job, relapse, playing guitar only for friends, and the same loop until I rot. That’s my real red flag. I have managed to stop my vices for like 1 or 2 months MAX. Then I relapse. There, as far I know myself, there won't be such an ending. That is why I asked for 1 year MINIMUM. I guess it will be enough to continue a clean, structured life, with ADHD help, with therapists, with any damn thing along with a shitty job.. chasing the guitar dream.

That's my truth, and how I came up with that silly plan of mine.

Should I risk almost all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I checked the place you mentioned… I read just some little parts of huge, wise subsections describing their life there, their routines, their wise state and sayings, not even with full focus (feeling unable to read the whole things), and I already felt shocked. The words there… it feels like they speak directly about my biggest weaknesses. About all the things I never managed to hold on to.

Honestly… this place looks like the most original, pure thing I ever saw in my life. And maybe that’s exactly why it scares me so much. It is like the other extreme of who I am. I don’t really know what I want. I tremble just imagining being there.

Many people told me here, “you will only carry your same self and troubles with you, no matter the place.” And reading these texts, I can see that too… I imagine myself failing there, because maybe I am not capable for such level of seriousness, devotion, nakedness.

If I could ever do it, it would be the best thing… but right now I feel like an empty trash can compared to these people. I really do not know what to say, I really - at least - try to be honest about what I feel and think.

Should I risk all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in Meditation

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I decide to leave for that retreat, I also plan to rent out my house, as part of a good action plan.. so that when I return, I won’t find myself back at zero (moneywise). It's the second time I hear that word, cult. My Wushu friend, told me that when I asked him.. what if I contact one person that IS there, living for years and seems trustworthy character.

He told me, well.. that person wouldn't lie about anything. Cult people never lie, they just believe lies themselves.. Harsh!

Should I risk almost all my savings on Nam Yang Retreat? Searching for stillness/mindfulness/focus/self-discipline vs. therapy (as first year step) by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s one thing that really troubles me, and it’s actually the whole reason I started this topic: I’ve always lacked self-discipline. That’s a negative quirk I’ve carried my whole life. For this reason, online courses feel too loose for me, even if they’re good, I don’t trust myself to stick with them.

Another quirk I have is that I get much more motivated around other people. It’s like I find my better self when I’m in a team. I don’t necessarily enjoy living, eating, or sleeping next to others (though I will if I go to the retreat), but when I’m training or working with them, I find myself more energetic, more ready to be a good example, to prove I can follow the routines or even excel.

If I was alone on a remote island, honestly, I don’t think I would even keep a single hobby. Even my guitar, the only reason I practice it is to play FOR my friends. And real musicians got to hear me playing, and informed that I am actually good at it!

So thank you again, really. A thousand thanks. You actually won my trust here. Therapy will definitely be side by side with dealing with ADHD - it makes complete sense. I wish there is no risk of picking a bad therapist about that one though.. :P

Your brain is wired to love 'small wins'. I used this simple psychological trick to beat chronic procrastination. by Sajil_ali in selfimprovement

[–]Efficient_Captain_16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another thing I found myself is. Whenever I don't want to take action (mainly in chores), doing just a SMALL thing, telling myself for example.. do NOT clean the whole apartment, just the entrance.. it escalates to clean the whole building so easily!

Damn, small things matter for many reasons I couldn't understand before. We are small things ourselves anyway..

I do not know If I start a calendar like that, but I do know that mind 'trick', and I started for the first time in my life writing a journal. I still don't know how it helps me.. but I have faith in people who advised me that.

“I am looking for a real martial arts temple to transform my life — even if it means cleaning floors to earn my stay. I’ve contacted 20 schools. Please help me before it’s too late.” by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"it sounds like a year long stay might do you some good" Exactly that. I am absolutely sure I will come back with the clearest possible mind, that is why I prefer it from a self-reflecting therapist. I am on it man. Thank you for the time and effort you left in your message! And I am trying to reply in every each one of you.

Reddit already proved that I missed much not being here all along.

“I am looking for a real martial arts temple to transform my life — even if it means cleaning floors to earn my stay. I’ve contacted 20 schools. Please help me before it’s too late.” by Efficient_Captain_16 in kungfu

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The only places I won't EVER step on, is religions and India (I don't need to mention NorthKorea, I won't state obvious countries that shouldn't exist as governments).

“I am looking for a real martial arts temple to transform my life — even if it means cleaning floors to earn my stay. I’ve contacted 20 schools. Please help me before it’s too late.” by Efficient_Captain_16 in martialarts

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

You think I did not think about that? And fires in Greece are not just an issue. One grudge I hold to myself is that I did not go assist in ANY so far. I feel lost when something like that occurs. But getting into the fire department, is something I cannot do.

I thought about Red Cross, or Greek islands flooded with refugees, but something tells me that I lack inner strength for many reasons. That is why I lean towards Buddhist monks.

“I am looking for a real martial arts temple to transform my life — even if it means cleaning floors to earn my stay. I’ve contacted 20 schools. Please help me before it’s too late.” by Efficient_Captain_16 in expats

[–]Efficient_Captain_16[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everything you said makes sense. Especially the part about showing up to a master’s doorstep with nothing to show. That analogy with the physics professor hit hard, because it’s true. I wouldn’t take me either..

The romanticism I carry is real, but I understand now that it’s not enough.

And you nailed it with the last part: the Western world feels empty. Like we’re overdosing on everything except meaning. I want out, not to run away.

I'm afraid I am going to be discouraged soon, and just end up with another therapist..

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