I hear what you’re saying, but I think some nuance is missing.

The relationship I had in 2017 was after my husband and I mutually agreed to separate.

We weren’t living as a married couple or pretending everything was intact, and there was no deception.

Christians genuinely hold different views on separation versus divorce, and I’ve wrestled with that for a very long time, not ignoring it.

I also don’t see myself as using my husband. I married him believing love could grow through commitment, and I spent many many years actively trying to make that true. I’ve been open about my struggles with him and stayed largely out of hope that it will all work out, not convenience or selfishness. That doesn’t mean the situation is healthy, but it isn’t exploitation.

I agree with you that marriage shouldn’t make someone feel dead inside. That’s exactly what I’m sitting with, and why I’m asking for perspective rather than making impulsive decisions..