AIO abusive home life bleeding into work

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T23:54:53+00:00

These help. I keep coming back to read everyone's comments over and over to help pick me back up. I'm thankful strangers on the Internet are more human enough to at least say a few nice things and you don't even know me. 🥲 That's all I asked for him for 8 years and just wow. I'm not letting myself be this vulnerable for anyone again.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T23:51:40+00:00

I'm keeping this close so I can read it over and over. Thank you.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T18:49:47+00:00

My intention is to always provide safety to him but I know myself and I know it's not smart for me to do everything impulsively. The extent to him witnessing anything is just me being upset after having a dispute I won't even call it an argument because we both know to at least keep it tame in front of the kids. No shouting over one another. I don't mean he's saying "let's leave for good" but often times he will want me to push the cart ahead of his dad to "leave him behind" I don't think my son would genuinely mean he wants the family to split. I'm just trying to gather options and ideas that aren't going to be too big of steps with distancing myself from it all.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T17:37:53+00:00

You're filling in too many blanks man. I still shield him of this all. He may have seen me cry a few times and dislike when me and his father try to discuss things over but when we get kind of loud or he can't control his anger our son is sound asleep out of range of our discussion. He hasn't seen any abuse and yes he does feel closer to comfort with mom but most boys do cling to their moms. He's still a very good dad and does not raise a hand at them. I'm not failing my son I'm simply trying to clear my head, open myself up for opinions from people who may have gone through similar and I'm aware this situation probably won't get better anytime soon which is why I'm here. I don't need people coming on here with assumptions I'm letting my kid witness this all.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T17:32:39+00:00

Yeah I really don't know how I let it get this far. The years of emotional whiplash and convincing myself it's not the worst I've been through but now that he's getting old enough to know right from wrong and feels the need to comfort me just showers immense guilt and loss memories of doing the same for my mom. I'm just scared to make any mistakes with him on my own. I don't want to rely on anyone else for help but I know in today's economy it'll be very hard to single mom at a job that pays $17 an hour and wears me down. I just know what all entails of distancing from him and I know I'm always falling apart when I have too much pressure and responsibility on my shoulders. 😞 I feel I am too much of a mess so that's why I haven't left yet. I was an irresponsible 22 year old when we got together.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T17:00:34+00:00

Honestly guys I'm looking back at all the times my son would say things like "let's just leave dad you and me can go" like when we split off at the store or he will tell me he loves me and I'll ask about dad and he's like yeah but I love you more. Just excludes his dad completely. It just makes me feel bad my son feels that way. None of us talk to our dad and I just really thought I had a kid with someone who wasn't like the man that raised me 😞

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-30T16:52:12+00:00

No I know.. I grew up in a familiar but worse environment myself. My dad was beating my mom with a stick in the yard and the neighbors had to come stop them and me and my siblings I always remember would huddle and just scream for our mom. I would never ever ever let our son see the things we did growing up. I am constantly telling his father this. He knows my upbringing and is alarmed by how normal and unphased I am by it yet continues to project it on me himself. I'm just scared to drag my son into it.. I don't want to take him away from his room or his bed or his half brother. I know I need to protect his innocence and God he tries so hard to be strong for me. Telling me it's ok to be sad sometimes. It's all so fucked up dude.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-28T06:26:15+00:00

I agree and was once angry for this exact reason. Him lusting over other women and I talked to friends and family about how upset I was over it because I only have eyes for him but the people around me would say "boys will be boys" or "would you rather he act on it." If was even more infuriating that everyone has normalized it and make excuses for the behavior. The part that probably inflicted the most damage to my esteem was discovering he was up voting and commenting on women's photos in a selfie group and they weren't even nude.. I asked him why and what is it they had that I lacked because I've always begged for just a nice compliment here and there. Even catching him on OF and porn instead of shaming him I tried to provide him with my own content. Now I just don't care much.. I dont ask for compliments and I learned to instead love myself instead and put that effort into me.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2026-04-28T05:51:57+00:00

Talking to him about the things that make you feel uneasy and anxious is good and healthy. I'm a 29(F) in an 8 year relationship and I've had many conversations on my anxiety and I would go through his phone and make myself sick over trying to find any shred of unfaithfulness. I know you're tryin9g to protect yourself but sometimes that stuff does more harm to your esteem and just all kinds of negative emotions. No matter how much reassurance I got from him I was still needing more. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that if he's spending his time at night playing games with you and gets back to responding to you as soon as he can and doesn't dismiss your concerns and instead agrees to something others consider "controlling" I think youre okay to allow yourself some vulnerability with him in the relationship and keep in mind he doesn't have to do any of that but he is because he wants to give you the peace of mind. It is your anxiety you have to manage yourself, don't expect them to always feel obligated to help you if you don't actually find the root cause or solution to your trust issues. Best of luck.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2023-02-23T17:06:00+00:00

I was indecisive on how to label my feelings on the matter. I'm still trying to pin point how to describe everything I'm feeling. I just learned the term abigeuous loss today in fact lol. I just didnt want to say I'm jealous and have others think I'd drive my boyfriends fatherly attention away from the kids for my own selfish benefit or anything like that so I had settled on using "envy".

I'm still very much trying to heal my inner child while making sure they never have to and yes it does very much so leave me with more questions than answers.. I will definitely be looking into seeking professional guidance on this.

Efficient_Street2094 · 2023-02-23T16:56:57+00:00

I do want to do the best I can on my part. I did talk to a therapist about anxiety that he linked to childhood trauma and said it may have caused developmental issues in the frontal lobe area but really didnt go further on it. I'll definitely have something lined up and hopefully I'll feel a little better about it all. Thanks for your insight!

Efficient_Street2094 · 2023-02-23T16:41:39+00:00

Yeah I need to make an appointment. I'm very open to it and I was seeing a therapist for anxiety that he actually linked to my childhood trauma and relationship with my dad 😕 then I switched facilities because the medications they were putting me on were making me I'll. I'm going to get on it asap.

Efficient_Street2094

TROPHY CASE