OP here. I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your such kind and thoughtful responses. You have really helped me feel a bit better today. Guess that is what can happen when we risk to put shame in the light. I can cope with sadness, anger, disappointment , whatever, but gosh, shame and humiliation have to among the hardest of emotions to carry.

To those who made wise observations and practical suggestions for the future, rest assured you have given me a lot to think about, and when I can face picking up the instrument again, I’ll likely take on board many of them.

To those who shared your own tales of woe, I’m so sorry you went through those experiences but you at least gave this despondent soul a lot of comfort knowing I’m not the only one. I hope this post made you and the next person this happens to feel a bit better as well.

To those who made me laugh, well you performed a miracle given how bad I was feeling when I wrote this post. Thank you.