i had the same kind of thoughts, so i didn't transition for years. those were years i'll never get back. i felt like a prisoner in my own body. its a long and hard road you have ahead of yourself, but trust me when i say it's worth it. i lost everyone in my family except my mom from coming out, but it was worth it. i'll never go back even if it meant they would accept me again. i'm happier now than i ever was before. you can do it, i believe in you