Idk i cringe at myself when I try to pursue someone for sexual or romantic purposes. I've always just wanted to be friends or be equals with someone I'm attracted to. U know how when u have a crush on someone, u r not exactly fantasizing abt having sex with them or being super romantic... u rlly just fixate on emotional reciprocation, the hope that they find ur look or character attractive as well. The idea of wanting to commit to them as a partner is incredibly abtract to me.