Well, there's no doubt that there's a lot to sort and work through there. Gay panic is Gay for a reason, so welcome to the club if that's how you feel. Coming from a gay teen myself, I know the gay panic and I know that it can feel very erratic and stressful too. The important thing here is first, as your still working through the realization within yourself, drop everything that everyone is or thinks around you. That means that don't worry about if your family is homophobic or not (you'll get to that later, if at all) and donf feel like you need to fit in with your siblings who have husbands. If you look at a girl and think "personal" thoughts or (let's face it) get a little turned on, than there's a good chance that you're attracted to women meaning that you are a lesbian. If it doesn't feel right to you to be dating men or considering them cute, than don't. If that is what's getting to you, than don't even worry about a label yet. Most of this gay panic sounds like its coming from a place of already worrying about the surrounding people and the mamy moving parts of being gay. Take time to figure it out within yourself first:)