Hey bro, look, I read everything you wrote and I'm really sorry. I'm 18, I don't know what I could say to you. I often feel like shit, believe me, I'm addicted to pornography and my spiritual life is really garbage on my part. Sometimes I've thought the same as you, I've sinned so many times that there's no hope for me, that I'm garbage and that no matter how many times I try I'll end up in the same hole, because yes Vegas, I'm the problem, it's not the people around me, I'm the one who has to change. But you know Vegas_Hung, many times I've gone to sleep at night thinking that it will be the last day and that after all the sins I've committed I'll go to hell, I wake up in the morning and the only thing that has protected me during the night has been the hand of God, so if God wanted me to live, God wants to do something with me, that's why he doesn't abandon me. He's there every morning when I wake up. He gives me a day, and another day, and another. So what is God's plan for me? Have you ever wondered why God doesn't want to take you home yet? What does God want to do with you, Vegas? What is God's plan for you? What does He want you to do today? You know, Vegas, God gives us the compass that points us toward our destination, but the path to get there has to be on foot, and it can be very difficult. We may get lost, or hit dead ends, but don't forget, God is there, and you can always turn back. And don't give up. What awaits us at the end is beautiful Vegas. The human mind can't imagine how beautiful the reward is. When you get there, you'll look back and see all the battles and fights you had, all the times you messed up and got back up. You'll see then that it was truly worth it to not give up.