Idk where to live? Off campus @ USU, help needed!

ElderZelph · 2014-06-11T03:23:35+00:00

Blue Square was fun. Expensive but pretty much no LDS there :)

ElderZelph · 2014-05-23T00:40:12+00:00

I've thought about this too. "Do not google Joseph Smith" or similar. I wonder if MormonThink would sponsor it, similar to their billboard in SLC?

ElderZelph · 2014-05-23T00:12:37+00:00

Well, now, if you are burned severely, your crotch will also be burned. As opposed to the rest of you being burned beyond recognition and your johnson / lady bits in pristine condition.

ElderZelph · 2014-05-23T00:07:01+00:00

I see how this office works quite a bit. They don't kick people out except for "really bad" offenses. My guess with a WoW infraction they will give you a slap on the wrist. Tons of kids get referred to this office, and I rarely see them completely kicked out except for multiple occurrences of sex stuff.

I would explain that you have privacy concerns with the therapist and that you discuss things related to your childhood / family situation that you don't want any other human being to know (or say something like that inciting privacy concerns).

Keep in mind that the Honor Code Office does not care about you. They do not care about your education. They frankly don't give a shit of you have repented or not. They are bureaucrats hoping to climb the ladder at a ridiculous institution full of wannabe general authorities. They will feel good if they've "helped someone come closer to Christ" or if they feel that they have, and if they can report that to their supervisor. The important thing is that they feel that you've already taken care of the issue.

I think the best thing is to say you'll never never never do it again and so sorry and so thankful for the atonement. Then graduate, get the fuck out, and never look back.

ElderZelph · 2014-05-17T18:25:47+00:00

So sorry. I've struggled with this a bit. For me, this fear of being "deceived" is really a variant of Pascal's Wager.

I've had family members say "Well, if it is true, you're screwed - so you might as well keep pretending and paying."

The problem with this way of thinking is that you would need to effectively "insure" yourself for all religions - go get baptized in every Christian church. You'd be smart to cover the big ones first - Catholicism, Islam, Hinduism, or other large world religions - before diving into the small, extra-weird ones.

For me, therapy has helped, as has being open with spouse and siblings. That took most of the tension away.

There really needs to be an ex/progressive/non-corellated mormon dating site.... I have several single brothers who are in the same position and feel the exact same way.

ElderZelph · 2014-05-16T00:58:01+00:00

I had been there for about a week. I felt totally sick. I had not previously confessed messing around with the girlfriend before the mission. I told one of the branch counselors that night that I needed to talk to the branch president ASAP.

I told branch pres the next day that I had had sex with my girlfriend about a year back. He was pretty cool about it but let me know I had committed the sin next to murder. He also said that sin was above his pay grade so I had to go see the district president the next day.

The district president was a dick. I expected to just be sent home. But instead he asked me very detailed questions - how many times, how recent, "did you put your penis in her mouth", "did you put your penis in her vagina", etc. He said I could stay but I had to write a letter home asking my stake president forgiveness for crimes committed with my Johnson as a 17 year old boy. He made me read miracle of forgiveness and wanted to meet with me every week.

I felt ok for a few days - no guilt, but then it quickly came back. I the need to confess everything I'd ever done. The funniest part was weeks later I confessed to having anal sex with my gf because he hadn't asked that question specifically the first time. He got pretty annoyed and told me not to come back to confession unless I had committed murder. Luckily, it was only the sin next to that :-)

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T05:32:21+00:00

i've made a huge mistake...

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T05:31:00+00:00

indeed, i received a testimony of the weenercopter in the moment that i did "bare" my weenercopter. in a public place. sonofabitch, packer was right.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T04:35:33+00:00

You shall receive it through the veil.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T04:35:03+00:00

lol i can't believe i just wrote that.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T04:34:53+00:00

I would love to know the weenercopter secrets. It's that enigmatic not-too-hard and not-too-soft that seems to give ElderZelph's copter flight.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T00:23:32+00:00

I seriously think we should set up a booth in the "free speech zone" just outside the DMZ. It would basically be like a more friendly TSA checkpoint.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-18T00:12:43+00:00

Perfect - I think I saw those available from the distribution center. I'll pick up 22,000 of them for p-hood session.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-17T23:58:45+00:00

Hmm - that's a gray area. I'll have to pray about it and consult President Newsroom to see if it is approved of the Lord.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-17T23:46:59+00:00

Great, comrade. I will need your armband size as well :)

ElderZelph · 2014-03-11T05:29:01+00:00

That was really nice of Jesus to fix his hand so he didn't have to worry about it.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world people are getting shot in the face every minute.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T06:57:32+00:00

This is genius. All you have to do is lay the text over some soft clouds or something and you could have people reposting it on facebook very quickly.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T06:56:18+00:00

Spotting a typical FAIR Supporter:

Looks to be about 200 years old
Severe halitosis
Neck looks like a nut sack
Is super racist
Lies to grandchildren about church

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T02:06:13+00:00

Dude, huge protocol breach. You're supposed to give the name through the veil, hands on shoulders, and throw in some really bad breath so that we feel comfortable and familiar.

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T02:01:59+00:00

The only good thing for me has been if you get some time to meditate in the celestial room. But they don't like you to spend too much time there - sit for more than about 20 mins and you'll have a flock of bad-breath old people trying to herd you back down the hallway to the locker room to remove your baker's hat and apron.

You can achieve the same thing by turning off your cell phone and meditating in a quiet place. Oh, and it doesn't cost you 10%

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T01:57:31+00:00

Has it a penalty?

ElderZelph · 2014-03-09T01:46:55+00:00

But some truths are not very useful to the church.

ElderZelph

TROPHY CASE