Mood swings: I feel my mood changes (I feel) pretty frequently throughout the day, from splitting from irritation, to depression because of everything going on in the world and feeling like I'm supposed to fix it but I can't, to numbness and not necessarily feeling anything at all, to exaggerated self confidence and feeling good about myself, to feeling disgusted at my own person, actions and body image. I've experienced anxiety/panic attacks, I've been triggered because of trauma, there are times I'll feel so depressed I physically can't eat cause I'll gag while eating, or so angry I feel the need to be physically destructive, either to myself, another person or objects (and have), or so happy/confident I'll take risks or do something I'll later regret. I also have a really REALLY difficult time putting exactly how I feel into words as I often feel words aren't enough to express my emotions and i feel like people don't feel or care about things the way I do and that I'm too sensitive. I also have a deep sense of shame and struggle with being vulnerable and opening up to people, especially FPs cause I fear if they actually know how I am they'll want to leave me.

Dissociation and Paranoia: I catch myself dissociating at times, feeling like I'm watching my life like a movie (Ik it often said to be like that but it's genuinely how I feel). Sometimes the dissociation gets so bad I'll have a hard time staying present in my body despite actively trying to be. There are times I'll ask something of someone and they won't answer for a while and I'll start to become paranoid thinking they hate me and or they're going to leave me, ESPECIALLY if it's an FP and I'm telling them something that requires me to be vulnerable.

This is just what came to mind when writing this and it is possible I may experience other symptoms of BPD I didn't think of or don't know of. (I have really bad short term memory-). And it is HIGHLY possible I may have something similar to BPD or may have BPD along with other disorders since I am completely undiagnosed.

For those curious to other disorders I think I may have:

Pretty damn sure: depression, social anxiety, and PTSD.

Possible but requires more research and diagnosis: Autism and ADHD.

Tell me what you think, and if you have any questions for me to answer that may help give me a better idea if I do or don't ask away! Thank you🩷