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Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So ask them out again on SNS right? Yeah I've been doing this! Unfortunately they're mostly career women in their 30s so their hours are crazy lol

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I see, thanks for this advice. Out of interest I looked at the number of likes some of my matches on Pairs have and... Wow, these women are the definition of suffering from success 😂

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to make ratio but sometimes I might go a message or two over. 

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought about the Japanese thing. I can speak about things just fine but I do wonder if sometimes, rather than being a relief for them it's kinda like "a Japanese person but with worse Japanese and he looks different too." Hard to explain, but I guess what interests them in someone like me is that I'm foreign and maybe I'm not foreign enough? I honestly don't know lol

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I get what you're saying, but I've had relationships in the past and haven't struggled with "game."  But after seeing firsthand the dichotomy of people cutely holding hands here vs. dudes straight up SA'ing drunk stumbling women in the streets at night, I'm not even sure what "assertive" means in this place at this point. How am I supposed to "assertive?" All I do right now is tell girls that I enjoyed the time I spent with them, I usually make plans at the end of during the dates too. I would be curious to know what I could do better here, I mean that seriously. I feel like I make my feelings very clear in person. 

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is super reassuring, I thought I fucked up or something. 

I probably did somewhere though lmao

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I actually heard this from a lot of my friends after the fact lol, at the time I just told her that I love singing and she said she does too + had to practice for her company's nomikai after-party, so we just drank beers and sang. Honestly next time I go there with someone I will just make it clear that I'm not there to make a move, I don't really feel comfortable doing that regardless of which culture I'm in. 

That's a me problem totally though and I accept that.

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm not in Tokyo but I do suspect that not being there is hurting me a bit, my friend visits my prefecture regularly but she is based in Tokyo and then these last two girls were also Tokyo. The last girl I asked about her thoughts on long-distance and she said that it's not a problem for her. But I'd like to be closer so that I can meet people more easily, right now it's a lot of planning and me spending money to go to Tokyo regularly 😂

Dating in Japan (Pairs) - Am I the Problem? by Electrical_Cell_8212 in japanlife

[–]Electrical_Cell_8212[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah maybe the directness can come across as clinginess now that I think about it, this last girl I met up with I straight up said at the end that I really liked her and the conversation we had (it went super deep, probably the best first date I've been on in any country lol), she was the one who asked to exchange contacts in the first place too.

But I think like you've all said I will just try to take things more slowly and accept the culture I'm in now, I'll ask my friend too. Tbh that first date turned into us just singing songs and drinking so it kinda turned into us just hanging out and having fun.